Behind every boy with a weak personality, there is a strong mother

Behind every boy with a weak personality, there is a strong mother. This topic can be controversial. The question may be common, why is it a strong mother and not a strong father? And strong mothers will also be greatly wronged, Pingsu her children and broke their hearts, how can they cultivate cowardly boys instead.

There are two factors that have to be mentioned here.

The first is the gender factor

In life, when teenage children disagree with their mothers, we often observe that children tend to be silent, resigned, and passively confrontational. Here's a famous example. When Lü Hou of the Han Dynasty mutilated Lady Qi to the adult "Ren Yan" and let her son Liu Ying go to see it, Liu Ying expressed a strong disapproval, but he did not fiercely oppose it, but was silent, and even fell seriously ill and died of melancholy.

Probably because he can't bear to oppose, because no matter boys and girls, they have been closest to their mothers since they were young, and since they are not confrontational, they can only respond with silence.

Another possibility is disdain for confrontation, even boys in elementary school, when in conflict with girls, will say things like good men don't fight women.

Mothers are more willing to take care of everything for their children than fathers. For a strong mother, because of her personality, she is even more eager to do everything for her children, and still in her way. Unfortunately, it often backfires. It is this kind of arrangement that makes the child form such a concept, even if all mothers will do it well, what else should I do? This situation lasted for a long time, and everything became lifeless and indifferent. A cowardly child was born. Because cowardice, in addition to being timid and afraid of things, there is also a reluctance to face, unwilling to deal with things, and a positive personality. For children, getting into trouble may not be a bad thing. From the perspective of a positive personality, his positive meaning to the child is self-evident. On the contrary, if the child adopts a silent response to everything and passively resists, more is better than less, and over time, there will definitely be problems. Some time ago, the article titled "If someone hits you, you have to hit him" the reason why the article broke the circle of friends is because he put forward the view that the child is positive and optimistic to face everything.

The second is the imitation factor

If there is a strong mother, then there is naturally a weak father. Generally speaking, the history of a child's growth is a history of imitation. And the imitation here is generally based on same-sex imitation. The father is the earliest and most important imitation object of the child. When the father appears in the boy's eyes as a non-committal figure, he will think that he should be that image. Another negative effect of a strong mother is that the child will not respect authority so much, the child will often instinctively please the "strong" in the face of a strong mother, especially the boy, under the influence of the mother, less respect for the father, the boys do not understand that he despises the father, that is, despises the role he needs to play in his life, and he becomes cowardly.

It should be pointed out that the strong mother does love the child very much, but it is precisely because she loves very "strongly" that she deprives the child of the space for self-growth, and because of her "strength", her personal subjective will becomes inoffensive, and because of her "strength", she believes that her requirements are correct. This is why the "strong" mother is sad: why do I do so much and the child does not understand? It is not that the child is under pressure, too much demand, can not be achieved, and finally it is completely abandoned, resigned, without willpower, that is, cowardice.

There is also a famous example here, and those who have watched the TV series Zhenguan Changge can find that the eldest grandson empress broke her heart and placed great hopes on her eldest son Li Chengqian. But too much hope, that is, too much pressure, makes the child a weak person. Despite his good heart and his heart for the world, he had no use for eggs, and in the end the position of prince was abolished, and he ended up being reduced to a commoner.

The strong father is different, when he exerts influence, the child will often rebel or even conflict if he does not agree. Why? Because the father is the object of imitation of the child, and the object of a person's imitation is often the object he is trying to surpass. For example, when a student is reading, there is often a benchmark in the class, and this benchmark is both the object of his learning and the object of his transcendence. Imagine that when there is a disagreement with the object of transcendence, it naturally ends in conflict. However, in this way, it is conducive to the growth of boys. What father would truly hate a child with a tough personality? On the contrary, if it is really the father who is not right, he will be more cooperative with the child.

If growth is a kind of acquisition, then the father's strength will become an example, and the mother's strength will cause the child's sadness, and if the self-sadness is too long, it will form an autistic attitude of indifference to everything. Cowardice is sometimes not entirely cowardly, but an indifferent attitude towards life. It is boring and loses the sense of competition.

Speaking of which, mothers may be greatly wronged, but also feel discouraged and lazy, how can I love my children and love the wrong, I have done everything for my children, and I have done more? But here we look at a few more examples, several children of Wu Zetian in the Tang Dynasty, one is not as good as one. Why? Because the powerful Wu Zetian did not allow anyone to disagree with her, in this case, what else could the children do but be silent? Li Xian, the only child who dared to express his opinion, was killed by his biological mother. With this "lesson from the past", do the children in the back dare to give opinions?

The social game requires experience and courage, and it has lost the family acquisition platform from an early age, and it is also the most basic and important learning platform, and boys are often cowardly when they grow up.

There is also the problem here, the strong mother, whose whole mind may be on the child. And a strong father, in addition to children, may also focus on other aspects, such as friends, reputation, family, social status and so on. Therefore, it is impossible for a strong father to control his children seamlessly. Mothers, on the other hand, are also different from strong fathers in influencing their children.

The same example appeared in Empress Dowager Cixi, a powerful mother who made her own son, Emperor Tongzhi, discordant with his mother throughout his life. Let the heirly son Guangxu Emperor see him tremble and not kiss him. Empress Dowager Cixi herself, on the other hand, kept pleading with the chancellor. Because meticulous care is interference with everything. The result is naturally not very beautiful.

Therefore, for the sake of the child's future, when the strong mother disciplines the boy, can she restrain herself a little in front of her husband and indulge her child a little?