10 little things that parents can easily bring their children to bad without realizing it

The family is the first school a child grows up in.

Each child imitates the behavior of their parents, following in their parents' footsteps to distant places.

Author | Coke Mama

On weekdays, we often hear parents complain about various problems in their children:

Lazy, can't sit still, don't love to study, don't do things seriously, know to look at your phone all day long...

But forget that most of the children's questions can be answered from parents.

As Yu Minhong, founder of New Oriental Education Group, said in a speech:

"The reason why children have problems, 890% of the problems are due to parents, if you are good parents, children will definitely be better."

I want everyone to make themselves qualified parents first, even though I am not qualified myself, at least we should make an effort.

Our child is the keenest observer, who sees with his eyes, hears with his ears, and imitates with his actions.

Some of the parents' words and deeds seem to be harmless, but they affect the children all the time.

Especially the following 10 little things that parents must not do again.

As soon as Dad came home, he collapsed on the couch and played with his phone

Tolstoy once said:

"All education, or 999 out of a thousand, comes down to example, to the integrity and perfection of the parents themselves."

Seeing that the child "does not leave the hand", parents are angry and feel that the child is too undisciplined.

But in fact, in many families, the father is more serious than the child's "mobile phone addiction":

The first thing I do when I get home every day is not to wash my hands, but to lie on the sofa, pull out my phone and start playing.

When eating, washing, and going to the toilet, my eyes are glued to the screen.

Such behavior not only sets a bad example for children, but also destroys the atmosphere of learning at home and gives children an excuse not to study.

Therefore, as a parent, instead of giving your children a big reason, it is better to set a good example for your children.

Play less games, brush less videos, and it won't be long before you are pleasantly surprised to find that your child is already on the road of consciousness and diligence.

Dad never shared the chores

How many families have a "division of labor" like this:

Mom washes and dries, while Dad slumps on the sofa without moving;

Mom washes dishes and cooks, but Dad takes care of himself playing with his mobile phone, and from time to time he has to urge a sentence "Why is the meal not good?" ”；

Mom is sweeping and mopping the floor, Dad is already snoring and falling asleep...

For a long time, parents have been committed to giving their children the best education, but they have ignored the impact of life on their children.

Studies have shown that:

In a family, the more the father loves to do housework, the more successful the child's future will be.

On the contrary, if the father has never had both hands in the sun, the boys in this family will also lack a sense of responsibility and do not know how to understand others;

Girls are less confident, afraid of difficulties and more narrow in their career choices.

You know, life is full of education.

A father who takes the initiative to do housework is the creator of a happy life for his children.

Mom complains a lot

Writer Liu Jirong shared a piece of his past:

For a while, her husband was working in a foreign country, and she had to go to work alone, and she had to take care of her children, so busy that she hit the back of her head and complained a lot in her heart.

Therefore, every day when I came home from work, I had a bitter face, and when I washed and cooked, I sighed at every turn.

Not only that, but she often calls friends to complain, crying about her difficulties as an employee and the exhaustion of working mothers.

Until one day, Liu Jirong overheard his son's conversation with his classmates.

The son said in her tone:

"I don't have a sense of happiness, where can I laugh, life is too bitter..."

At this moment, she realized:

His own complaints turned out to be like leeches, sucking away the child's happiness, leaving only a full of negative energy.

Psychologist Li Xue said:

"Complaining about your misfortune is one of the most effective means of destroying a child."

Children are natural energy receivers.

The mother is optimistic, does not complain, does not complain, and the child will have the confidence to move forward bravely when facing difficulties and ups and downs.

Dad became angry when he didn't say a word

Researchers at the University of Cambridge in the United Kingdom have conducted a series of experiments on the relationship between genetics and personality.

The results showed that:

The child's intelligence is greatly influenced by the mother, and the personality is mainly influenced by the father.

The father has a gentle temperament, and the child will naturally learn to speak well; The father is short-tempered, and the child learns to communicate with his fists by yelling.

My best friend who is the head teacher told me that there was a little boy in her class who often bullied his classmates.

Once, a girlfriend invited the boy's father to come to school to talk.

Unexpectedly, after this father saw his son, he slapped him without saying a word: "Dare to hit your classmates again, see Laozi go home and beat you to death!" ”

Bad emotions are passed down from generation to generation between parents and children.

The book "Raising Boys" writes: "The most important lesson that fathers teach their children is how to control emotions. ”

Turn your temper into a finger softness and strive to create a warm and relaxed family environment for your children.

Only in this way can education do more with less.

Moms are always nagging their children

As the saying goes, if you raise a child at the age of a hundred, you will be ninety-nine years old.

After becoming a mother, we always seem to have an endless heart, so that as soon as we see our children, we can't help but repeatedly advise, remind, and supervise.

But as a result, the more nagging the mother, the more rebellious the child becomes.

In the program "Teacher Please Answer", there is such a mother and son:

The child did not do well in the test, and the mother nagged him;

The child writes slowly, and the mother nags him;

The child did not write properly, and the mother continued to nag him ...

But what about the children? Not only did it not get better, but he became addicted to lying and did not have the slightest consciousness of learning.

The teacher assigned homework, and the son copied the answers to fool things, and what made the mother even more angry was that sometimes the answers were copied serially, and the son insisted that he wrote it himself.

For this reason, the mother and son quarreled every day.

Regarding nagging, the "transcendent effect" in psychology has long reminded us that when the stimulation is too much, too strong or works for too long, it will only stimulate the other party's rebellious psychology.

And if you want children to grow up self-disciplined and efficient, parents must learn to cook more and talk less.

Parents do it all

In the view of family education instructor Zheng Qijuan:

"Many parents do everything for their children, with the intention of giving their children the best care, but they prevent the normal development of children's psychology and abilities."

Parents who do not pay attention are, of course, unqualified;

But sometimes, a pair of meticulous parents is not a harm to the child?

When the child is 6 years old, the child is going to school, and before going out, you help him put on his shoes, tie his laces, and carry his schoolbag on his shoulder;

When you are 12 years old, the child wants to do his own laundry, and you grab it and say, "Little ancestor, you just go to watch TV";

At the age of 18, when your child arrives at university, he finds a random place to sit, and you pant to help him with paperwork, make sheets, clean the dormitory...

In the end, the parents' big package not only destroys the child's self-care ability, but also kills the child's gratitude.

There are some things that parents do not teach, and children will never understand.

Parents who refuse to let go will never be able to raise independent and grateful children.

Parents often yell at their children

A primary school student described his mother in his essay as follows:

"The hair stands upright, like a golden needle, and it feels like it is going to pierce you at any moment."

"The eyes are the most terrible, staring at you, spewing out fire snakes one after another, and want to burn people to death."

"The most terrifying thing is that mouth, like a volcanic eruption, and the words that come out, like flames, can literally burn people to death..."

When parents yell and yell, the child can't actually learn any lessons or lessons from it.

That little person will only be cut all over the body by the blade of emotion.

Over time, the child will become more and more careful, cowardly, and inferior to the bone.

There is a good saying:

"Every child dances on the tip of their parents' tongues."

From today onwards, speak well and leave the best emotions to the children you love the most, so that the children can have a heart to rely on and dreams to live on.

Parents love to compare their children with others

The Blue Book for Teens once conducted a survey on "the few things children don't like to say by their parents."

Surprisingly, nearly half of the children made the same choice:

"You look at other people's children."

In the eyes of many parents, other people's children are obedient and sensible and study well, read books every day and never play with mobile phones, go to bed early and get up early to do housework.

But for children, "other people's children" is like a magic spell, which will only cause endless pressure on themselves.

Every child has their own growth routine.

As the saying goes, although Mei is three points white than snow, snow loses plum fragrance.

Instead of using comparison to make the child inferior, sensitive, and competitive, it is better to accept him as he is and let him shine on his own stage.

Moms always ask their children to wait for a while

Recently, I found out that my son added a bad problem, that is, no matter what he was asked to do, he would grind for half a day before going.

I got a little angry and asked him why he couldn't go right away.

But the son said, "I learned from you!" ”

I was stunned for a moment, and then I remembered:

Recently, because the elderly at home are sick, I have been busy running at work, hospital, and home, and every time my son asks me something, I ask him to "wait a while" or "mom will tell you later".

Unexpectedly, my subsequent perfunctory sentence actually made the child procrastinate and grind.

Fortunately, in the child's misbehavior, there is also a password for the parents' practice.

Realizing this, I decided to respond to my child's needs in a timely manner in the future, with a little more patience and more focus.

Leading children with the power of role models is always the most effective education.

Parents do not observe social morality

I read a news item that left a deep impression on me:

A woman in Shanghai was watching a movie at a movie theater when a little boy in the back row kept kicking her chair seat for 20 minutes.

During this period, the woman spoke out several times to stop it.

Who knows, when the lady reminded the boy for the last time, the boy's father suddenly kicked the lady's chair back, causing the chair back to hit the back of her head.

Even more infuriating:

When the lady asked the boy's family to apologize, not only did the family not apologize in the slightest, but the boy's father rushed over and hit her.

When a child is young, the family is a window into the world.

Parents twist, children twist.

Therefore, we must always remind ourselves to abide by social morality and discipline our behavior.

In this way, a polite and cultured child can be harvested.

Host Bai Yansong once said:

"If you are not a biological parent, you are naturally a qualified parent, and parents need lifelong learning."

Behavior forms habits, habits form character, and character determines destiny.

Many times, it is the words and deeds and actions of parents in daily life that determine the future path of children.

Education is a bumpy journey, for the sake of our children, please all parents continue to temper, precipitate, cultivate themselves into a model in the hearts of their children, and guide them forward.

May we all use a little bit of education to pave a prosperous future for our children.