What kind of children can a loving family raise?

What kind of children can a loving family raise? 19-year-old Isabella is an example, she casually shared her loving daily life on Little Red Book, won the love of many mothers, and many mothers were curious about her parents' way of education. From her upbringing, we also saw how a loving family makes children strong.

Text丨Luna ed.丨Lulu

In early May, Xiaohongshu's sharing of "my parents came to study in the United States together after getting married more than 20 years ago" was just released, and it won tens of thousands of little red hearts.

"They all love me! I suddenly miss them today."

"My mother especially likes to go to CVS to print all kinds of albums to record me, and now we have a special bookshelf for all kinds of albums at home"

"My dad has been determined to exercise every day to accompany me until I was old from the moment I was born, and now he has been running 8km+ every day for almost twenty years"

……

In the comments, in addition to all kinds of envy: "I thought such a family only existed in movies." "It feels really good for three people to work together!" , and many mothers came to chase and ask: What kind of fairy parents are the blogger's parents?

The blogger Isabella, who was chased by her mothers to "learn from the scriptures", is also a 19-year-old girl who is studying biology at a well-known liberal arts college in Connecticut and has just completed her freshman year.

Isabella

Between the loving words, it is difficult to see that she actually solved a big problem just a few days ago. When Bund-kun contacted Isabella, she was living in a makeshift apartment. Originally planning to return to China in early May, who had thought that the travel permit had not been completed for more than a month, and seeing that the dormitory was going to be closed during the holidays, she had to look around for temporary accommodation.

If you change to someone else, it may be time to mumble and complain at this time. But Isabella only briefly sighed "The Meiyu family is so lonely~", and then quickly adapted to the new state - while waiting for the results of the document application, while enjoying the vacation of living alone. In addition to being busy, I will also share my moments with feelings.

Isabella's super loving family atmosphere is undoubtedly the primary reason for attracting mothers, but her own temperament is not alarmed, and it has poked the hearts of parents in this era of anxiety.

When Bund Jun asked these parents' doubts, Isabella's first thought was a small detail of life: "Since I was a child, our family has had morning kisses, goodbye kisses, and my parents often say to me 'I love you', and this is still the case." This has always made me feel very secure. ”

Isabella's family for years

Isabella, which always looks light and breezy, is not a flower that grows in a greenhouse. Since she was a child, she has experienced several storms in her studies alone:

When I returned to China at the age of 10, my Chinese was at the bottom of the level, and I struggled to do my homework; Before the middle school entrance examination, the history that had been studying well turned out to be the last subject; After entering a key high school, I encountered double pressure in my relationships and studies...

However, thanks to the confidence given to her by her parents, she has supported her to step through one hurdle after another. Today, she is not all good with her studies in the United States. But she can always deal with it calmly, and even has a calmness and understanding beyond her peers. The reason, Isabella says, is because her parents taught her one key word, which is "stability."

Count down from class to key high school

It's not a child's battle alone

This "stability" is first reflected in academics. Although Isabella was a good school from elementary to high school, she did not go all the way up in grades, on the contrary, she had several experiences counting down to class.

But no matter what time it was, Mom and Dad never showed impatience for grades. Rather than parents standing behind them and pushing their children, the family is more like rowing the same boat, moving forward together.

When he was 10 years old, his parents took Isabella back to Nanjing from the United States for work considerations. She encountered the first hurdle: the hardware conditions of domestic schools are very different from those of the United States, there are no more gymnastics gyms, skating rinks, and she is not even used to squatting toilets. What is more difficult is her Chinese level, she can only understand, but she can't speak or write, so to speak, she can't read a single big word.

This may be one of the few "miscalculations" by mom and dad. "I guess they think they are Chinese anyway, I will learn it sooner or later, and only raided my Chinese three months before returning home." Isabella said.

Isabella and Mom

But temporary hugging of Buddha's feet obviously has little effect. When she returned to China to repeat the second grade, the average score in the class was 90, and she could only score 30 points, which was kindly prompted by the teacher to her answer.

Tutoring Chinese was imminent, and the busy parents gave this task to their grandfather. So, for the next year, every day before dinner was Isabella's "devil training":

Practice ancient poems three times, while memorizing ancient poems, practice orthography, and summer vacation is also uninterrupted; When reviewing the text, every time she encountered a new word, her grandfather would teach her to read it from pinyin; Dictation is done once a week at school, once a day at home, and math problems are also used as reading materials...

Grandpa was very demanding, and Isabella would even be nervous before the exam during the initial period. Of course, Isabella had only heard about these things from her mother, who herself had no impression of it. What remained in her impression were all happy scenes of a family:

Every dinner, the family of five sat together, Isabella always couldn't wait to share the news of school with her parents, show her newly learned words, and get praise from her parents for her "awesome" and "awesome" every day.

So even in front of her grandfather, she was not afraid to "sue" with her parents, saying that the second elder was too strict with herself. Knowing that her daughter is coquettish, the mother will also echo: "Yes!" My grandmother was so strict when I was a child! ”

Every time she went out, her parents would give Isabella small tasks such as ordering food and asking for directions, allowing her to boldly communicate with her Chinese, and then give her a thumbs up encouragement when she came back.

In this way, the family helped Isabella gnaw down the big bone of Chinese. By the third grade, she had grown from "only 2 plus two points to write flying characters" to being exempt from the Chinese exam.

Even when it comes to calculating the score, the attitude of parents is "you can find faults, but they never hesitate to praise."

The sweater that my mother knitted for Isabella

This second hurdle in the middle school entrance examination is like this. In junior high school, Isabella's history slipped to the bottom of the class. With the middle school entrance examination imminent, the class teacher sent the situation of the children with the lowest scores to the group to urge parents to encourage their children.

Surprisingly, even so, Mom and Dad did not urge Isabella to make up for history. They knew that their daughter had worked hard, and analyzed Isabella, saying that she was at least good at other subjects, and even if she couldn't make up for history, she wouldn't go to a bad school. They used practical actions to tell their daughters to learn this matter, do their best, and obey fate.

Isabella herself was more nervous. After struggling for a while, he was finally relieved: "Just like Mom and Dad said, if you enter a good school, it's uncomfortable if you can't keep up, and it's good to be a chicken head in a bad school." ”

Isabella still remembers the fun story of her parents' participation in parent-teacher meetings. Every time the mother went happily, saying that she wanted to hear the teacher praise her daughter; The first time Dad participated, when he went home, he first complained about other parents, "I've been writing hard, I don't know what to remember."

"Every time I see my parents living very comfortably, I feel that there is really no need to create a lot of pressure on myself for a little honor." Speaking of this, she couldn't help but smile.

The key to emotional management

It's about finding your own unique value

In the private messages Isabella received, there were also many questions focused on emotional management. And she is indeed very stable in this regard, which is also inseparable from the ears and eyes of her parents' attitude to life.

"Although my parents sometimes complain to me about the unhappiness at work, I can quickly put it into life." Instead of dwelling on things that don't go their way, they can always find interest in all kinds of details of life. Isabella's family still retains the habit of participating in activities together.

For example, when my mother, who loves photography, is in the United States, she will take photos and record videos at will. After Isabella was born, she became the protagonist of her mother's photography, and her mother would also make photo albums in different categories: the dance-themed album included photos of Isabella fitting, attending classes, and performing rehearsals when she learned dance; In the library album, there are all photos of Isabella reading.

As Isabella grew up, although there were fewer photos, there were many retrospective albums every year, in addition to Isabella taken by her mother, she gradually added Isabella's own photos, each of which will have handwritten instructions from her mother.

Annual photo album

Besides, my father, who is engaged in biological science research, is actually a movie fan with delicate emotions. From a very young age, Isabella knew that every Saturday was the day to go to the cinema with her father. When they grow up, the father and daughter will always sit down and watch the movies recommended by each other together after the daily workout, or on weekends.

"I still remember watching "Interstellar", the last scene Dad came back from other dimensions and saw that his daughter was much older, and we both cried for a long time."

The ending of "Interstellar"

During various holidays, Mom and Dad always prepare gifts for Isabella. Spring Festival is red clothes, Christmas stockings are there, and Halloween mom and dad will make spider-themed cupcakes. When Isabella travels, she sees beautiful wine bottles or organic vegetable seeds, and thinks that this is what mom and dad like, and must buy it back and give it to them.

Halloween cake prepared by Mom and Dad

Looking back now, these parent-child moments not only add fun to life, but also become a particularly important source of spiritual strength for Isabella.

There was one incident in high school that particularly impressed Isabella. At that time, she was in a high school within the system, and because there was no biology major she was interested in in the escort channel, she planned to study in the United States. Many of the classmates are also planning to study abroad, and for them, high school transcripts are crucial.

But one day, a close classmate secretly told Isabella that many of his classmates had actually asked their teachers to improve their scores. "How can there be such a thing?!" When she learned the truth, she was indignant, and when she went home, she told her parents, "I really thought they were very powerful!" ”

Although her parents told her to leave others alone, she was the insider of this unfair phenomenon, how could she swallow this breath? It took me ten hard to get 912 points, and some people can get 978 points without working hard, and the gap in usual grades suddenly widens. She cried for a while.

But crying could not solve the problem after all, and finally her parents untied her heart, and she listened to her mother's analysis: "Everyone has different ways to become better, some people rely on relationships, rely on changing points, and our family relies on their own duty to work hard." Even if you go to report someone's house, it is likely to be thankless, or take care of yourself first. ”

So what does it mean to "take care of yourself"? Isabella explained in the words that her mother taught herself from childhood - in life, don't always expect others to change for you, feel that others must respond to your efforts, and learn to find value in yourself.

Pictures my mother drew in high school

Find value in what you do, and Isabella feels unique. Since elementary school, her mother has taken her to participate in public welfare. Through her mother's matchmaking, she has been in contact with children from several families in need of sponsorship in Jinzhai, Anhui Province. Every year before the onset of summer and winter, she would send carefully selected clothes to each other; During the summer vacation of junior high school, she also visited the field to exchange learning experiences with the children, draw and play together.

The children over there have also been bringing her new news. On the first postcard, they thanked Isabella for his donation in crooked words; Later, he was able to write down his recent study life and school changes smoothly; Later, the postcard became more convenient QQ and WeChat, and they said they wanted to go to the university in Nanjing to see Isabella's hometown.

Isabella understands that there are many reasons why the lives of these Anhui friends are getting better and better, and their help may be only insignificant. But this is also enough to give her a lot of strength, the score is temporary, can help others, and the warmth given to both sides is long-lasting. This is why she still insists on doing public welfare and insists on doing good deeds as a way to deal with bad emotions.

As for the grades for applying to college, Isabella decided to be honest with herself and prove her learning ability with other content if her high school transcript was inadequate. In the end, with the help of her parents, she took several AP courses that she was interested in, and ended her score storm with good AP results.

Looking back, Isabella also wondered: "What is the use of changing points?" Maybe it's just for the vanity of high school students. "What can help her cope with bad emotions is the time she spends with her parents and the kindness of taking the initiative to help others."

Ready to deal with any situation

Confidence comes from the sense of security given by parents

After talking about academics and emotional management, Isabella also has another impressive point, that is, she can also fully hold on to all kinds of unexpected situations. Her dashing style is also thanks to the sense of security her parents have given her since she was a child.

Isabella remembers that when she first returned to China, her mother's job search was not very smooth. "My mom couldn't stand the 9-to-5 job, worked for a month, and almost got into a fight with the boss." In the end, my mother did not choose to wronged herself, but resigned and started her own career.

But that's how mom can't stand the 9-to-5 mom will prepare a different breakfast every morning at six o'clock every morning when she goes to school. Dad was the same, hearing his daughter casually mention that he wanted to eat salmon, so he bought a box and went home, changing patterns seven days a week.

Breakfast made by Isabella's mother when she was a child

Won't such a dedication make the child feel very stressed?

Isabella replied lightly: "There will be a little bit at first. But Mom and Dad told me early on that they did this because they loved me, not for me to get high grades, find a good job and make money in return. So, I knew that no matter what I did, they would love me just as much. ”

She also clearly remembers that when she was struggling with whether to take the college entrance examination or apply for the American book, her parents shared with her many cases of further education from people around her. At the end, they said, "Daughter, even if it takes you eight years to make a decision, we will wait for you and support you." ”

But more often than not, things don't go to the worst, because in Isabella's view, no matter how things turn out, there will always be a good side to you. This mode of thinking is the same as my father's. "He always sees the best side when he sees people, and feels that no matter how big things happen, he just smiled and passed."

Once, my father's mobile phone and computer were stolen by thieves. After learning the situation, Isabella's first reaction was to be angry: "Why is the thief so bad, I hope he will go to jail quickly." ”

But her father taught her not to curse people. "What if this thief is also a father who loves his daughter very much? Maybe he just stole to make his daughter's life a little better. Although this statement seems very good-natured, Isabella's touch is real.

Isabella always thinks of bringing gifts to her mom and dad when she travels

In a tangled relationship in high school, Dad's positive way of thinking and parents' sense of security gave Isabella a good ending. It was a very controlling classmate, on a group trip, and according to the plan, Isabella and the classmate would first fly to Chengdu to explore the way for the small group. I don't know if I saw too much news of the plane crash before leaving, this classmate suddenly did not want to take the plane, hoping that Isabella could accompany him to take the high-speed train.

Changing from an airplane to a high-speed rail will not only multiply the time cost, but also have a refund fee. Isabella also does not want to bear these losses for no reason. After directly refusing to avail, the classmate's mother made more than a dozen phone calls at night, wanting her to change her mind.

This is not the first time they have been at odds. The classmate's mother is also a strong person, sometimes the classmate mother and daughter quarrel, Isabella and the mother are semi-forced to be the microphone and mediator. Isabella also noticed that although her mother has always been gentle, whenever she feels a sense of control in the other person's words, she will directly tell the other person, "Don't order me to do things for you." Over time, the number of times her classmate's mother visited her has also decreased significantly.

This gives Isabella a lot of hope that no one wants to compromise all the time in a relationship. So, she finally chose to refuse forcefully and flew to her destination herself. Afterwards, the result she feared did not happen at all, and her relationship with her classmates, although flat, did not break down, such a result was just right for both parties.

The experience also opened the door for Isabella, who became more accustomed to looking at unexpected situations in a positive light. But when it comes to regrets, there are also them.

In her freshman year, she began to prepare for her professional development and internship early. Originally, I planned to brush up on my presence in front of the professor and accumulate contacts for myself, but unfortunately, I only chose a few hundred large courses for elective courses. The professor disappeared after the class, and most of the emails sent were lost. On the other hand, the internship position that I fancy must have a recommendation letter from a professor, and in the end, I have to give up.

But surprises can also be reversed. After she planned to return to China during the summer vacation, she found that the company she originally wanted to intern also had a branch in her hometown Nanjing, so she tried to submit a resume to the branch, but she didn't expect to pass successfully. Now, she has also returned to China and is looking forward to starting her internship in her first summer of college.

From the sharing of Little Red Book to the deep chat with Bund Jun, Bund Jun can feel that Isabella always has a vitality and a power to grow upward.

Although there was also anxiety and distress, the love of her parents gave her the courage to face everything. While she is busy with her internship, her parents will find time to pick her up from work, see the cheesecake she likes to eat, and take pictures to ask her if she wants a piece. The bond of the family is so strong that it is clearly discernible.

No wonder Isabella said: "Although I am relatively young and have not encountered any big winds and waves in the past ten years, when I think that my parents love me so much and say that they will always support me, I feel that the current difficulties are not a big deal." ”