There is no standard answer to life, and children do not have a fixed appearance.
May every parent of an introverted child accompany him carefully, treat him gently, and discover the shining points in the child.
Author | First peach
A few days ago, a friend brought his 5-year-old son Xuan Xuan to his home.
As soon as he entered the door, his friend reminded his son to call "Auntie Hao", but Xuanxuan's little face was red, hiding behind his mother, and he was embarrassed to speak.
At the dinner table, Xuan Xuan lowered his head to eat, and when I tried to chat with him, his little face turned red again.
Seeing this, my friend was a little displeased, and sighed and said: "This child is very scared, a little introverted, and I don't know what to do in the future." ”
I smiled and replied, "Blessed are you a!" ”
My friend looked surprised:
Isn't introversion a personality flaw?
Isn't it okay for boys to be "social cows"?
Children who are too introverted will have a hard time succeeding in the future, right?
I shook my head and patiently gave her an analysis:
"Look, Xuan Xuan will silently arrange the bowls and chopsticks neatly before opening the meal just now";
"He also gave you your favorite dishes";
"Just now my son fell and cried, and Xuan Xuan quietly asked you, 'Is my brother okay?' ”
……
My friend was relieved and said that although Xuan Xuan was introverted, he was particularly delicate and caring.
Indeed, there are "little otaku" at home, and parents will be very worried.
After all, girls are introverted, and others will say "quiet"; And the boy is introverted, and will only be labeled as "woody".
However, this is actually the biggest injustice to the boy.
There is a topic on Zhihu: What do boys hate their parents the most?
In the speeches of many male netizens, I saw a high-frequency word: introversion.
One of the netizens' sharing received a lot of attention:
Netizens did not like to talk when they were children, they liked to hide in the corner alone and play with toys, as soon as there were guests at home, he would immediately enter the room.
In elementary school, the head teacher always said that he was too quiet and unsociable, and his parents were very troubled by this.
When I was in junior high school, netizens' mothers didn't know where to hear the method, saying that often taking their children to socialize can improve introversion.
So my mother began to take netizens to various dinners, not only forcing him to toast tea to adults, but also asking him to say nice things to greet adults.
"At that time, I stood up, blushed and took a sip of tea, didn't know what to say, and sat down. Adults start saying things like 'you're so introverted that you won't be able to marry a wife in the future.' I was in adolescence at the time, and I was ridiculed by a group of elders, and I was particularly hurt inside. ”
"What's wrong with me not talking? What's wrong with me not being social? I got into a good university, got a good job, and fell in love.
Introverts can still live a normal life! ”
Even across the screen, you can feel the grievances of netizens.
Such grievances, I believe that many boys who have been labeled as "introverted" feel the same way.
In the traditional philosophy, introversion = character flaw = bad = failure.
But is that really the case?
Psychologist Marty Olson Lani clearly stated in her book The Introvert Advantage:
"Introversion and extroversion are two different temperaments, and there is no difference between good and bad."
The biggest difference between the two is the way energy is absorbed.
Introverted people who like to get energy by being alone; Extroverts, on the other hand, like to get energy through socializing.
For example, when feeling tired, introverted children are more inclined to read quietly to relax themselves; Extroverts, on the other hand, are more suitable for having fun with a large group of friends to relieve fatigue.
It can be seen that introversion is a trait, not a disadvantage.
But many introverted boys have been labeled as "unproductive", and in this label, they have been ridiculed and wronged.
I can't help but think of the story of Yi Yangqianxi, the star of the movie "Manjiang Hong".
Yi Yangqianxi is a proper representative of "social terror" in the entertainment industry.
Since childhood, he has been introverted and slow-warm, does not like to talk, and likes to be alone.
During the filming of "Manjiang Hong", he was always the one who quietly watched the other actors laugh.
There is a scene in the movie that requires Yi Yangqianxi to cry, but director Zhang Yimou did not inform him in advance.
But Yi Yangqianxi, with his thorough understanding of the characters and in-depth pondering of the plot, naturally fell a large teardrop in that shot.
This caused director Zhang Yimou to praise him again and again as a child born for the play.
Image source: Web
Studies have shown that introverts have more delicate minds and sharper emotions.
When not talking, introverted children are actually quietly observing everything around them;
During the period of solitude, introverted children are actually thinking about problems...
Therefore, children with introverted traits are always more likely to become the little cotton jacket of their parents, know how to understand their parents, care for their parents, and be considerate of their parents.
In addition to emotional delicacy, introverted children also have better concentration and are more likely to succeed in the areas they are good at.
I remember that there was a boy in the high school class who was 185 tall, but this tall boy was very quiet.
During the end of class, when everyone discussed gossip together, he always listened silently on the sidelines, and rarely opened his mouth to participate.
Every time the teacher asks him a question in class, he seems to need to search his mind for half a day before he can give a slow and methodical answer.
But such a person who is not good at expressing himself has exceptionally good grades.
Not only did he get good grades, he also participated in many physics and chemistry competitions, and finally won the gold medal.
In his third year of high school, he was directly admitted to the physics department of Tsinghua University.
I've been his table mate and I've found that the secret to his success lies in his extra focus.
Once he was working on a quantum model, I accidentally knocked over a freshly brewed cup of coffee and splashed it on his school uniform, and he didn't know it.
Professor Li Meijin also said:
"Children with good mouths have average grades. On the contrary, children who do not speak quietly and speak little study well. ”
This is because children who talk less are able to focus more on one thing, which makes it easier to make grades.
It turns out that introversion ≠ fail.
On the contrary, children with introverted traits can also run freely and shine in the home field of life.
What do parents need to do to better raise our introverted boys? 3 suggestions for parents to learn from:
1. Treat boys' introversion as a trait, not a weakness
Traditionally, boys have many taboos: no crying, no weakness, no liking pink, no introversion.
Once the boy has a quiet personality, parents are always used to labeling the child as "introverted" and "unproductive".
Smart parents, on the other hand, see boys' introversion as a trait rather than a weakness.
At a parent-teacher meeting in junior high school, the class teacher talked to a father about his son's performance:
"Your children are not bad, but they are too quiet, boys should still be more outgoing, and they can eat openly in the future."
Who knows, the father immediately retorted:
"I don't think my son is introverted, he has a lot of good friends in the community."
Child psychology shows that children do not necessarily become what parents expect, but they will definitely become what parents say.
If you always label your child negatively, your child will slowly become a bad person.
And this classmate, precisely because he has not been labeled as "introverted", he can gladly accept himself, become a confident person, and make many friends.
2. Respect your child's need for solitude
Einstein was once asked in an interview: "Do you have any secrets to success?" ”
He humbly replied: "It's not that I'm smart, I'm just getting along with problems a little longer." ”
It turned out that Einstein was a taciturn child since he was a child, and he liked to be alone.
But his mother did not worry that her son would become a person out of step with the world in the future, but allowed him to be alone for a long time.
It was this solitude that gave Einstein more time to think about problems, study problems, and eventually become a physicist who changed human history.
Children's introversion is not a disease, parents blindly force children to be outgoing, become worldly recognized, this is the disease.
Parents know how to respect their children's need for solitude, which is the greatest blessing for children.
3. Help children find true love
Hu Ke's son Anji has been a shy and introverted child since he was a child.
Once participating in the show, Hu Ke asked Anji to introduce himself, but the little boy pursed his mouth and didn't say a word.
Hu Ke did not feel embarrassed, but smiled and introduced himself for Anji.
In life, Hu Ke is not worried about Anji's introversion, but will always accompany him to learn various talent skills.
Later, Hu Ke found that Anji was particularly talented in piano, so he encouraged Anji to practice hard.
Finally, Angie took the stage and played a beautiful melody with both hands, and at that moment he became a confident boy.
A study of social elites in the United States that lasted for more than 30 years found that introverts have incomparable talents in the fields of creation, art, and scientific research.
Therefore, if there is a "otaku" in the family, parents can lead their children to art and scientific research, and may find their children's unique talents.
Ever seen this sentence:
Everyone is a genius. But if you measure a fish's ability by its performance of climbing trees, then the fish will live in self-shame for the rest of its life.
A child with an introverted trait is a big fish in the deep sea.
They are quiet, composed, and able to face difficulties and setbacks calmly;
They are sensitive, subtle, and aware of changes in the environment and people's joys and angers.
Smart parents should protect their children's introverted traits, because behind this trait, there must be a huge energy that we can't see temporarily.
And this energy will one day bring warmth to parents and light to the world.
Finally, I hope that every boy who does not like to talk can be accepted by his parents and live the most wonderful life.