Recently, a video of a girl model being kicked by a woman while taking product photos for a business has attracted great attention from netizens.
Later, according to the child model cooperative business, the woman who kicked the girl was the mother of the girl "Niu". Netizens were even more angry about this.
However, this so-called apology is an apology for causing "misunderstanding and incomprehension" among netizens, and at the same time blindly saying that he has no intention of abusing children.
In this statement, many netizens said that they did not buy it. Think that parents kick their children in public and pay it back at home? And the child is silent after being kicked, he must be treated like this at home.
Nowadays, the adverse effects of violence on children have attracted more and more attention, and netizens blamed the perpetrators of the incident. Children are the flesh of their own hearts, so they can't tolerate outsiders hurting them, and this kind of protective heart is human nature.
However, some parents, for their children, can not move to reprimand, scold, treat children as their own personal items, and even inadvertently use their children as "garbage cans" to vent their emotions, as if how they want to treat their children, is natural.
The strength of adults, the weakness of children, and the need for children to rely on their parents to survive, this relationship between nurturing and being nurtured seems to lay the foundation for parents and children to be in an unequal position, and also seems to determine the unconditional acceptance of children's management of parents.
Many children face the violence of their parents, unable to resist, give up their own thoughts, but obediently follow the requirements of their parents, and even some people will agree with their parents' views "I do this for your good", "I hit you for your good", "Hit is kiss, scold is love".
In this parent-child interaction mode, some children also learn this mode of getting along and bring this understanding into future intimate relationships...
A girl growing up under violence
Naoko, with a weak personality, dependent, submissive, and unassertive, seems to be in particular need of care from others. Even if she is already very submissive, it is still difficult to satisfy her father, her father often wants to hit and scold because she is "disobedient" and "not good performance", her mother's education level is low, her personality is relatively weak, it is difficult to come forward to protect her, only after she is beaten and scolded, to say "Your father is such a temper, if you follow a little more, he will not (be beaten and scolded)."
Her childhood experience made her feel that no matter what she did, she was not recognized by others, and she was a girl who was not liked and loved by others.
Growing up in this family environment, Naoko on the one hand looks forward to perfect love to save herself from this loveless and bad environment, and on the other hand, she deeply doubts beautiful love, feeling that no one in this world will really love herself unconditionally, lack security in the world of love, and lack the dignity of the two sexes to get along. They are afraid of love in their hearts, and they are afraid that they will fail the love of others because of their own incompetence.
A boy growing up under violence
Shirakawa, a boy who grew up under violence and intimidation, has been suppressed by his father since childhood, and his self-development is suppressed, sometimes he feels good about himself, sometimes he feels worthless, and he has a huge need for the appreciation and recognition of others.
He had tried all kinds of ways to obtain his father's affirmation and praise, but he did not wait for the desired result, and his father always returned him with unchanged indifference and dissatisfaction. Therefore, Shirakawa secretly decided in his heart that he must make some achievements to show his father in the future.
In intimate relationships, he is afraid of relying on the other party, and is afraid that the other party will not love him and abandon him, so he often uses control to gain a sense of security, so they are often very controlling over their relatives (lovers, lovers, family members), and unconsciously want to inflict the violence of their parents on their partners.
Fate arranges for a weak girl to meet a strong boy
After graduating, Shirakawa left his father's control and started another life of his own.
After working, he became a marketing manager at the age of 27, earning hundreds of thousands a year, but he returned home very little, let alone met his father, and even if they met sometimes, the two were indifferent. Because Shirakawa is competitive and has to take advantage of everything, he has never been able to find a suitable girlfriend.
Although Naoko who grew up had several romances, he hesitated in each relationship, stubbornly moved forward, failed to respond to each other's love in time, and let the other party wait dryly, and several relationships ended in vain.
By chance, Shirakawa and Naoko met like this. Shirakawa's fierce pursuit breaks Naoko's defenses; Shirakawa's strength, control, and "domineering president" atmosphere made Naoko, who was weak and hesitant and accustomed to dependence, helpless, and Naoko, who had been dating for two months, agreed to his marriage proposal.
However, her childhood growth experience led to Naoko's passivity and weakness in the love world, and when she met the strong and domineering Shirakawa, then it was also doomed to a marriage tragedy...
Marriages under parental violence are hidden
Control and controlled hidden dangers
After getting married, Naoko found that Shirakawa, who was considerate before marriage, seemed to have changed to another person after marriage, and his concern turned into an interference, interfering with Naoko's every move, interfering with her work and making friends, and in terms of sex life, Naoko did not feel a little pleasure.
Such a marriage disappointed Naoko, but she did not have the courage to end it all, because she always believed that it was something she should bear, and she should be grateful and not complain. So, she tried to do as much as her husband asked, went home on time and on time, and reported everything to the other party. Naoko once believed that this was marriage.
In this marriage, Shirakawa enjoyed the self-righteous "happy marriage" with self-satisfaction. His wife was well-behaved and obedient, never said a word "no" to him, and was a rare good wife. At the same time, he also feels that he is a good husband, and he will buy gifts for his wife during the holidays, take her to watch movies, and accompany her back to her mother's house. In his opinion, he has done more than he can give, and his wife should be thankful.
However, instead of rejoicing, Naoko's psychological state has deteriorated, and she feels depressed, worried, and even slowly depressed. Shirakawa could only be puzzled by this, he could not think of how such a "happy" marriage could make his wife unsatisfied? I don't understand why my wife is sad!
Marriage becomes childhood parents
A cathartic place for violent acts
In fact, Naoko and Shirakawa are both a generation that grew up under the violence of their parents, who not only made their childhood very painful, deprived of love and freedom, but also shaped their internal ideas and interpersonal patterns, which affected their future lives.
Because his childhood father did not care about his feelings, he controlled and demanded from him everywhere, and frequently warned him to "eat the law of the jungle", which made Shirakawa believe that only victory everywhere is a manifestation of strength, and only strong will not be hurt, and will not be hurt if it is not hurt.
With this belief, he is not only angry with people like his father, but also dissatisfied with people who are better than himself and weighs on his head, and constantly demands that he surpass himself, regardless of whether he hurts himself or inadvertently hurts others.
And Naoko seems to have been born to cater to Shirakawa's strength and control, she gives in at every turn, satisfies all the needs of the other party and gradually ignores her own needs, in her perception that she does not deserve better love, and at the same time rationalizes that this unequal relationship is normal.
For a girl like Naoko, as long as she meets a passionate and bold and strong boy like Shirakawa, then she will easily fall into the blind zone of love, fall into the mud of control and control, and be painfully entangled.
For Shirakawa, his early experience also made him disgusted with strong women who longed for pressure on his head, and did not like women who longed for equality and had their own opinions, but it was easier to like a woman who worshipped herself, relied on herself, and did not reject her weaker heart and strong dependence.
If it weren't for Naoko's eventual inability to stand such a relationship, it would be difficult for someone like Shirakawa, who has already been successful at work and in society, to admit that they have a problem, because to admit it is equivalent to making them self-denial again.
▼ Marriage psychological counseling reminder
Although the pattern of relationship between the sexes is related to the influence of parents, but a larger part is related to the degree of our own efforts to change, in the face of all kinds of inequality, control and control in the relationship, what is important is whether we have enough courage to re-examine our marriage, release ourselves from the illusion of marriage, so as to allow ourselves to gain true love.