It is said that this time the parents were very broken. Many people, after becoming parents, find that the whole person's emotional state is disordered.
It is necessary to take on housework and accompany the child; to take care of the child's clothes and eat, but also to teach him to write homework. The point is, none of the things go well.
You have just finished cleaning up, and then you turn around to find that the child has dismantled the flowerpot and started DIY.
Tutoring homework is also shaking his head continuously, the child can't write, the ancient poems can't be remembered, even 7X7 he can get 45, who is angry.
The epidemic is even more difficult to deal with at home, tutoring homework and supervising online classes are two-pronged, and the parent-child relationship is really a little bit worse!
It can be said that children are always on the verge of parents' emotional loss of control, and the number of times is more, and adults often need to vent their emotions. But have you ever wondered what effect your emotions and the way you vent them will affect your child?
01
Bad temper of parents
It will affect the child for life
Not only the troubles brought by the child, but also the pressure of life, work, interpersonal and other aspects, it is easy to make this parent "emotionally superior", naturally, anger has become a common thing: or uncontrollably yelling at the child, or cold violence to the child, and sometimes even want to beat the child fat to relieve the anger.
What's more, in a fit of anger, he threw his children in shopping malls, airports and other places, and went away on his own.
Education scholar Yin Jianli once said: "The three points of temper you throw at your child will cause seven points of harm to your child." "Parents think that the venting is over, but they don't know that your bad temper will affect the child's life."
Bad temper in parents can have many adverse consequences for children:
Irritable personality, aggressive;
Mood swings are large and sensitive and irritable;
Insecurity, introverted and cowardly;
Indecisive, lack of self-confidence and decisiveness;
Love to see other people's faces, has always been in a state of uneasiness and anxiety.
The famous director Jiang Wen, who looks domineering and exposed, has honor and honor, but he thinks that he is a person without self-confidence and does not know how to integrate into the crowd. He has a mother who is always unhappy, which creates an unconfident side of him.
"I'd love to make her happy. For example, when I got the notice from the drama school, I told her that I thought she should be happy. But she said, 'Your basket of clothes haven't been washed yet, don't tell me this.' ’”
"Later, I bought her a house and thought she should be happy, but she was still unhappy."
Jiang Wen said that the biggest failure in his life was to deal with his mother's relationship. He spent his whole life trying to make his mother happy, but he never managed to do anything about it.
Every time a parent vents a bad emotion, a seed falls on the child's heart. It is not until the child grows into an adult that the seeds of the heart field grow into a weed that is comparable to others, constantly interfering with the child's personality, thoughts and emotions.
02
Emotionally stable parents
It can benefit children for a lifetime
Adult emotions determine the temperature of a home, and will also subtly determine the character and future of children. The more emotionally stable the parents are, the better the child will have.
"The Power of Positive Emotions" once said, "We do not feel positive emotions because of a full life and good health, but sincere positive emotions create a complete and healthy life." ”
Positive emotions can help children achieve a better future.
The writer Mo Yan has a mother who has always given him strength in the midst of suffering.
Mo Yan shared an incident in his childhood memory, he once broke the only hot water bottle in the family because of hunger and weakness, because he was afraid of being scolded, he went into the haystack and did not dare to come out for a day.
But when his mother found him in the evening, she did not scold him, but only stroked his head and let out a long sigh.
The mother who did not transmit emotions through scolding made Mo Yan feel a lot less melancholy and more compassion and empathy in the difficult years.
Mo Yan and his parents
Mo Yan also said that his mother is the starting point of his literary memory: the mother who endured hunger and disease, humming a small song, sat under a pear tree with white flowers, and beat wild vegetables on a white stone with a purple-red mallet.
"What kind of force kept her alive in the midst of such suffering, what kind of force made her sing when she was hungry and sick?"
Mo Yan's mother was strong and optimistic, and the church was discriminated against and forced to drop out of school, his attitude towards the world and his courage to face life.
With such an attitude and courage, he integrated psychedelic realism with folktales, history and contemporary social reality, becoming the first person to win the Nobel Prize in the Chinese literary world.
03
Control emotions
It is a compulsory course for parents
Most parents take good care of their children, but there are also many parents who often treat their children impulsively in the process of loving their children.
"Once, I was in a hurry to take my child out of the house, the child could not get up, I pulled hard in anger, and the child's hands were dislocated."
"My child went to junior high school and one day said I wouldn't be a father, and for the first time in my life I slapped him in the face."
"Accompanying the child to do homework, she did not pay attention, so angry that I tore her homework book."
Everyone has bad moods, and it is not so difficult to control emotions. Parents can start with the following aspects.
1. Calm yourself down
When our emotional accumulation reaches its peak and is about to explode, we can first say to the child, "Mom/Dad needs a few minutes to calmly think about how to help you better." ”
Subsequently, we can leave the scene, take a deep breath while analyzing the reasons for our anger, and imagine what kind of behavior will be done to the child under such emotions, and what kind of consequences will be produced? This will greatly avoid hurting the child due to their own rampage.
2. Learn to apologize to your child
In a Chinese family, it's harder than saying "I love you" to say "I'm sorry." Adults always use the attitude of pretending that nothing happens to alleviate the embarrassment of the child. But often this way will not soothe their young minds, but also set up the wrong interpersonal treatment for children.
In fact, apologizing to your child will not weaken your authority as a parent, on the contrary, it is a confident and responsible performance.