There is practice, there is companionship, there is strength
Hailan Happy Home 2022 43rd practice story
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Recently, the in-laws were helping the eldest sister's family deal with the furniture in the house.
Recently, they lived with us, and out of "good intentions", they moved a lot of furniture from the eldest sister's house to us.
The crux of the matter is that there is not a single point in this matter to ask for my opinion.
I felt 2 points of unhappiness in my heart, and there was a part that said: "Hey, this is my home, don't you ask the hostess's opinion?" ”。
That's when I perceive emotions and return to my actual needs and goals:
1, we will soon change houses, here is only temporary for a short period of time.
At present, there are indeed some furniture in the house that needs to be changed, but at the moment I have no time and do not want to spend time to consider these trivial things, so I simply allow my in-laws to "help" me to toss the old house.
2, in fact, I saw that the furniture moved by my in-laws was indeed better than the old one, and it was also what we could use.
I just need to have a sense of boundaries psychologically, such as replacing the old furniture in the house, and should ask my hostess for advice.
3, my goal: at home, in addition to the in-laws' room, the handling of other areas is mainly based on my husband's opinions and my husband.
This has been agreed with my husband.
After that, my husband took the initiative to come to me and said to me privately: "Thank you for my wife's understanding, when my parents go back, we will still arrange according to our own ideas."
I hugged him and said, "Okay." Only smile and don't judge his parents.
What I want to do is to further clarify my attitude with my husband: how to fiddle with the big things in the house, which furniture to deal with, and I hope to ask me in advance.
After knowing his needs and goals, he continued to do his own thing quietly and accepted the in-laws' tosses.
This was supposed to be a family conflict, but there was no quarrel.
Here's why:
1. After I have clearly defined my needs and goals, I will no longer over-interpret my in-laws' behavior. Do your own thing well, don't show your in-laws.
2, the husband knows that his parents are not suitable, come to communicate with me in time, express his apologies to me, and do not let the second elder be embarrassed.
The couple understood each other, and the contradiction was nipped in the bud.
In fact, my in-laws were very kind to me.
Recently, my mother-in-law took charge of the kitchen and made us food in a different pattern, and I am now the one who opens my mouth.
My father-in-law saw that I was so busy writing that he wouldn't even let me wash the dishes.
My in-laws wanted to take care of us, but they didn't have a strong sense of boundaries and always wanted to be one with their children.
All I have to do is be kind, define my boundaries, and then enjoy the family.
Sea Blue Happy Family Practitioner: Julie
Editor: Wang Li