Yesterday we talked about effective commands. Today, let's talk about what to do if the order is finished and the child does not carry it out.
Today's method is called dual-track communication.
Simply put, it means "verbal demand, physical action".
For example, if the child is playing a game and wants to take a bath and sleep, then the dual-track communication is manifested in the language requirements, and the hand gently pulls the child to move. (You can hold your arm with one hand and pat your back with your hand all the time)
"Gone, gone to the shower" "Wait a minute", "Gone, went to the shower". While "chanting" in this way emotionally and steadily, he uses his hands to have physical contact with the child."
To give another very difficult example, the mother wants to return the mobile phone in the child's hand, this scene.
If you raise your eyebrows like the picture and reprimand your child for not being able to play with your phone, what will be the effect? It is estimated that the child will be in a hurry with the parents.
The right thing to do is
Step 1: Inform
"Okay, now play for 10 minutes at the end, and after 10 minutes, give the phone to mom"
Tell the child in advance what will happen later, the rational brain is prepared, and the emotional brain will not be suddenly triggered.
Step 2: Advance notification of multiple times within 1-2 times within 10 minutes
"There are still 5 minutes to go, 5 minutes later, give the phone to mom"
"There are still 2 minutes to ha, 2 minutes later, give the phone to mom"
Step 3: Dual-track communication, "verbal demands, physical action"
"Come, it's time, give your phone to your mother."
At this time, the mother should gently but firmly use words to demand, while using physical actions, such as patting the back and putting her hands over.
Step 4: Treat your child's "demands" with a firm attitude
The child may propose to look at it for a while at this time, and for the child's request, the mother can simply repeat "Oh, I still want to play, when the time comes, give it to the mother."
"Mom, why?"
At this time, you can't answer "there is no why", nor can you explain "because you have to learn, because it's not good for the eyes, Barabala"
Just like the "chanting" as calmly as the Tang monks: "When the time comes, come, give the mobile phone to your mother." At the same time, reach out and wait or pat your back from time to time.
Highlights:
1, accept the child's emotions with a gentle but firm attitude. Be sure to stabilize your emotions.
2, if the child does not give, has been insisting, but do not have mood swings, may be the first "contest", you and the child will last for half an hour, only need the parents to persist until "victory".
Maybe the first few times it was so difficult, parents don't expect it to work once and for all, but always insist on the purple boundary.
Children constantly "tempt" and "challenge" this "boundary", parents adhere to a clear boundary, with boundaries, there is a sense of security.
But remember that the premise must be that parents do not get angry, and stabilize their emotions has always been so demanding.
If both parents can do this, there will never be an online scene of "the mother takes back the mobile phone, and the child jumps off the building to commit suicide".
Typography | ADHD Parent Alliance
Image | Figure bug net