01
Friend Alu came to me to complain about grievances: Why is my boyfriend getting worse and worse for me?
Ah Lu said that she couldn't help but cry when she was sad, she cried while counting the daily life with her boyfriend, repeatedly deliberating every detail to verify what she was not doing well!
Ah Lu is 29 years old, her boyfriend is 31 years old, and the two look like a good match.
Alu has a docile personality, speaks softly and softly, and is the kind of girl who easily captures the hearts of men. After being with her boyfriend, she was obedient to her boyfriend, and her boyfriend let her go east, and she never dared to go west.
Last time, the leader of Alu's unit asked her to work overtime, she has happily agreed, the result is that the boyfriend is very unhappy after knowing, in order to coax her boyfriend to be happy, Alu immediately called the leader to push away the overtime.
As a result, the leader was very angry, and since then, she has always given her small shoes to wear, and Ah Lu's work is not smooth everywhere, and finally she can only resign helplessly.
Ah Lu used to like to wear skirts, all year round, almost always with fluttering skirts. But after being with her boyfriend, her boyfriend took care of her very strictly, even if she was covered tightly, the boyfriend said that Alu belonged to himself, and the skirt could only be worn for him alone.
Since then, Ah Lu, who loves skirts as she lives, rarely wears skirts, even in the summer, her legs are covered with jeans.
The more ALu said the more aggrieved, she did not understand, why did she rely on her boyfriend for everything, and her boyfriend still did not know how to cherish her?
This reminds me of another friend, Xiaoqing, who was 28 years old and spent a year with her boyfriend, and ended up killing her boyfriend.
I've heard her talk about a few details of getting along with her boyfriend before, and probably there are secrets in these details that she manages love!
Xiaoqing's boyfriend's family is well-off, and although Xiaoqing's family is not as good as her boyfriend, she herself is very positive. When she first met her boyfriend, Xiaoqing signed up for a design agency after work, taught herself design, and constantly improved herself.
In this way, the time to date the boyfriend is less, and the boyfriend jokes several times: "Why should the girl's family fight so hard, in the future you are responsible for the beauty of the flower, I am responsible for giving you money to spend!" But Xiao Qing was not moved at all, and still followed her plan step by step.
Xiao Qing has a good relationship, and the sisters are looking for a large group, and they like to go shopping and dating with them in their spare time. For this reason, the boyfriend is also very "jealous", always complaining, so that Xiaoqing and the sisters have broken off contact, but Xiaoqing does not listen, still go their own way.
The more Xiaoqing "disobeys" her boyfriend, the more her boyfriend regards her as fate, and not seeing her for a day is like losing her soul.
Once I had dinner with Xiaoqing and a few friends, the meal was not finished, Xiaoqing's boyfriend urged him to stop, and when we dispersed, we saw that his boyfriend had been waiting outside the door for a long time.
Xiao Qing couldn't help but blame her boyfriend: "You're so annoying! It's so sticky! "It seems to be complaining, but in fact, my heart has already blossomed."
02
In fact, many girls in love, have had the same confusion as Ah Lu, the more obedient to the boyfriend, the more the boyfriend takes her inappropriately.
There are also many girls like Xiaoqing, the more they don't listen to their boyfriends, the more their boyfriends love her to death.
For this reason, many people wonder, why? Why?
In psychology, there is an interesting psychological phenomenon: the scarcity effect. That is to say, things are rare and expensive.
According to legend, the top rich man of the Qing Dynasty, He Yan, once spent a huge amount of money to get two fine Ru kiln pen washes, and when he knew that these were the only two remaining pieces in the world, he actually smashed one of them, and everyone was both sorry and puzzled.
Washu explains that things are more expensive than rare! From ancient times to the present, the rarer the more precious things, this piece is broken, and now there is only one Piece of Ru Kiln Pen washed in the whole world, and the value is immediately doubled!
Washu deliberately broke one of his precious pen washes, not because he didn't like that one, but because he deliberately created "scarcity", and the ultimate purpose was to "ask for money".
Feelings are also like this, the rarer the more precious.
In a relationship, if you always love too much, too much, too deeply, always give without complaint, obey the other party, then over time, your feelings are no longer rare and precious!
Therefore, the other party will slowly become unsympathetic to you, or even perfunctory, contemptuous of you.
On the contrary, those who are always "not in love", do not obey each other, and do not always give generously, but can always be rare and cherished by each other.
Because the pay is less, it is rare, so precious, and it can make the other party cherish it more.
Ah Lu and Xiao Qing are two obvious examples.
Ah Lu is always obedient to her boyfriend, her boyfriend let her do whatever she wants, let her change what she will change, over time, she has become an obedient "doll" in the eyes of her boyfriend, not only losing her freshness, but also making herself no longer herself!
And Xiaoqing's attitude towards love is more wise, never losing herself because of love, on the contrary, while loving each other, she insists on being herself! More importantly, she never gives easily, because she understands that her love is very precious, not casually given, and love is rare and precious, so her boyfriend also cherishes her more.
"Entertainment industry discipline inspection committee" Wang Sicong is always exposed to frequent changes of girlfriends, how many girls who love vanity rush to pounce on him, beg him, please him, but these girls are often not cherished by Wang Sicong in the end.
But the bad Sun Yining is known as "Wang Sicong can not get the woman", although from the media exposure of the gossip, Wang Sicong to Sun Yining sweet words said everything, but Sun Yining is still not moved, not to mention the initiative to pay anything, with the exposure of the incident, Sun Yining became the biggest winner of this event, a hit, and now the live broadcast career is doing well.
03
Some people say that managing feelings and only using emotions will eventually hurt the whole body, learn to use their brains and wisdom, and finally become a winner.
Although women are emotional animals, it is easy to "love brain", once caught in a relationship, it is easy to dig out their hearts and lungs to be good to men, and put all their energy and thoughts on men. But you know, this kind of good is much better, and men will not cherish it.
The ancients said that when the moon is profitable, it loses, and when the water is full, it overflows. Things that are too full cannot be retained in the end.
If the full love is ten, the woman only needs to love seven points, and the remaining three points are used to love herself and improve herself.
Because loving others is too full, too much, it is bound to ignore yourself and let yourself gradually lose yourself in love. If you lose your character, then, what else does that man love about you!
SHE once sang in "Semi-sugar doctrine": I want to insist on semi-sugarism for love, always make you feel unfinished, if there is nothing sweet, so as not to feel tired; I want to adhere to semi-sugarism for love, I really don't have to stick together every day, love is not easy to come by, I have to leave a little gap for each other, in order to breathe...
Woman, if your love is a piece of sugar, if you love him, then just give him half of it, never give him the whole piece!
In short, a woman in love is best to do the following three things:
First, don't change yourself in order to cater to the other person; second, don't have a sense of infatuation with the other person; and finally set aside half the time to be yourself!
Only in this way can we make ourselves more and more "expensive" in a relationship!