Last time we live-streamed the theme of "Language Learning in Crying and Comforting", and there are several examples of crying because of snacks in the collection. I also experienced it once in those few days, and I shared the situation and my approach in the live broadcast room.
During this time, we observed that for our "snack rules", the elders in the family implemented them very well, and the children's compliance was particularly good, and the two compartments formed a positive incentive, the children were happy, and the elders were also surprised. So decided to write it down as an article and record it.
Unavoidable snacks: it is better to block than to untie
A few days ago, when we got up and went downstairs to prepare for breakfast, we happened to see my grandmother who had returned from shopping for vegetables, and Xiao Song saw a bag of snow cakes in her grandmother's hand, and her eyes lit up:
Grandma what is that?!
We had to laugh and be honest. Xiao Song was immediately excited: I want to eat!
I said, "Okay, but you have to eat first, and after eating we'll eat half a cookie, okay?"
Xiao Song did not hesitate: Good!
Quickly finished breakfast and quickly ran to get out a packet. I broke one in half, half to him, half to me, and the other I asked him to take to Grandpa. Xiao Song was eating the cake while he was bouncing around and giving it to grandpa.
In this way, we formed a "snack rule": you can eat half a cookie after a meal.
When he first returned to the countryside, Xiao Song was fed by various kinds of feedings from the neighbors' mother-in-law, and as a result, every meal was sloppy. So when we formulated this "snack rule", it was actually very simple and casual, that is, it was not to affect eating.
The degree to which children follow the rules is very touching. Say that half a piece is half a piece, even if you want to eat it after eating, I said to wait for the next meal to finish, if you still want to eat, you can eat fruit. Each time I was happy to end with fruit after dinner.
Later, the child's father bought some snacks online, and the snack rules were adjusted accordingly: you can eat a little snack after the meal.
But in fact, children often seamlessly connect and play freely after a full meal, completely forgetting about snacks, haha ~
Insert a little insight and experience: In my interactions with children, I find that "affirmation" is much more useful than "negative".
For example, if you have already eaten a snack and want to eat it, you can eat it next time you finish eating, which is better than "No!" You've already eaten! "To work;
For example, eating vitamin D, buying him 400 IU of capsules per capsule (600 IU per day), so we eat one a day and eat two a day. But children, every day want to eat two ~ at this time, say "eat two tomorrow", it is better than "no!" Only one can be eaten today! "It has to work.
I myself do not encourage children to eat more snacks, one is to worry about nutrition and deciduous teeth health, the other is to buy snacks in the countryside, unknown brands, low prices, presumably the quality will not be good.
Before the child was two years old, we hardly ate any snacks for him and never ate in front of him what we didn't want to give him. But as children grow older, especially when they start playing with them, it's hard not to be influenced by other people's "snacks."
Moreover, although snacks are not nutritious, the joy of eating snacks is real!
The package of snow cakes that sparked the "snack incident" was bought by my grandmother when I told my sister that I missed the taste (every New Year my mother would buy a lot, which was one of the sources of our happiness)
I have always believed that it is better to block than to loosen, rather than thinking about the disadvantages of various snacks and bothering to block, it is better to cultivate correct understanding and good habits.
When a child breaks the rules: Don't rush to "punish" the child
When Xiao Song ate the biscuits on the first day, the temptation was great. That afternoon, Grandpa and Grandma played with them, and Grandma said at dinner: I didn't stop my mouth in the afternoon, I ate two packs of biscuits, and I wanted it in a while, and we couldn't stop it.
I was very angry for a moment, and when the child finished dinner and shouted for biscuits, I immediately said sternly: No, you have eaten a lot in the afternoon!
The child immediately burst into tears when he heard it, and at that moment I felt that in his heart, the world collapsed...
Grandma immediately came to coax, and I also reacted, am I "punishing" him? And haven't I always thought that "punishment" was useless?
I quickly changed my mouth, just repeating the rules: you can eat half a piece after a meal. Then divide it up for him. The children immediately laughed and blossomed.
But after that, I said solemnly to my grandparents that the rules you set should first be followed, and if you don't, the child will soon know that "crying" is a good means. If you are firm, he is very good at talking. I am also very confident in my children.
It is also true that the next afternoon when the child moved his mind again, the grandmother was determined, and the child quickly forgot.
《Summer Mountain School》
I want to tell parents that children are ignorant of the relationship between "cause" and "effect." Tell a child: "You are so annoying, you don't want to get pocket money on Saturday!" "When Saturday came, the adults reminded him of his disobedience and the punishment he deserved, and he was really angry and disappointed. Because what happened on Monday was long gone, he didn't think it had anything to do with Saturday's pocket money, he didn't think he was wrong at all, but he felt that the authority who didn't give money was very hateful.
Two days ago, I watched "Summerhill School", and this passage touched me at once.
29-month-old Xiao Song often wakes up from a nap and says what happened in the morning as "yesterday" or "a few days ago", and perhaps he doesn't think that eating cookies in the afternoon has anything to do with his mother not letting him eat cookies after dinner.
No matter how reasonable the adults find my "punishment", the child will probably only think that I don't mean what I say, which is very annoying.
Fortunately, I didn't have any ideas about establishing parental authority, and I quickly realized the problem and found a solution: that is, to "catch" adults and "release" children.
Punishment is meaningless. In this event, it is Grandma and Grandpa who need to make changes and adjustments: adults need to be consistent with the rules.
The soil of trust: the fruit of "self-discipline"
In order not to let children eat snacks, it is easy for adults to hide and then lie that "there is none".
But I think it's okay to put it away at the beginning and not be known to the child from start to finish (I will also try to avoid this situation and not let things in the house that he can't eat). But now that the child has seen it and suddenly hides it, it is an act of deception, and one of my principles is never to deceive.
So Grandpa and Grandma said hide it, I said no, just leave it there, I believe in children.
Grandma's snacks and fruits are placed in the stairwell, Xiao Song knows where, can also get, want to eat fruit is also to pick their own.
The biscuits were all picked up by themselves, but they would only take one pack at a time, and they gladly accepted the half piece I broke for him, bouncing around, and they were very happy.
I trust the child, he did not play tricks, steal food, no elderly imagination of "mouth will not stop" behavior.
When placed on adults, isn't this quality "self-discipline"?
Adults seem to need to work hard to achieve a state, and for a child who is trusted and treated sincerely, it seems simple and natural.
To put it another way: a rich life is the key to many problems
Finally, I would like to say a little personal opinion.
What kind of child eats snacks all day long? One is that eating habits are not very good, parents do not provide a suitable environment, need to reflect. The other, very important one, is probably boring children.
As far as Xiao Song is concerned, although the snacks are there and can be eaten after meals, after the initial freshness, he often forgets.
When I went upstairs to take a shower the night before, I heard Xiao Song shouting downstairs, "I haven't eaten cookies after eating!" Later, I casually asked my sister, and my sister said: He did not really eat, but pretended to eat with a toy, and gave me a piece
Oh boy, it's amazing.
When a child has a rich life, when he has too many fun things to explore and play, who has the heart to think about eating and eating all day long?
How to provide a rich life for children? Many times it is also very simple, without racking our brains, using our barren imagination to create something for him. It is the need to protect, the innate vitality of the child.
The child's eyes must be well protected, not only the vision, but also the ability to "see", "discover" and "appreciate".
The enthusiasm of the child must also be well protected, less one-two-three restrictions, away from the interference of sound and light. The concentration and willpower that all parents like to see can be developed naturally.
There's nothing more moving than seeing a child's vitality.
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In things like this, the most important thing we need to do is to unify the rules and be firm in adults. Even if children don't understand it at first, they will soon know and follow the rules.
There is no need for punishment, no need for cajoling, we just need to stand there like a wall, firmly.
Don't always stare at the "problem", if the child has a rich life, a positive interest, is curious about the world, and has full freedom to explore, I believe that few children will want to eat all day long.
Trust your children and treat them sincerely.