The three countries of China, the United States and Canada grew up and shared with you
Bilingual enlightenment | mother's self-cultivation | parent-child companionship
Welcome to follow and grow together
At what point did you start to have a clear understanding of girls? Looking back on myself, my perception of girls is in a few special moments:
In the first Xing education class when I was in elementary school in the United States, I clearly remember that the teacher separated boys and girls from each other, and I specifically learned that there are some differences between girls and boys.
The first time the great aunt was a little overwhelmed for a moment, but I knew that I had "iconic" grown up.
For the first time, I was "heartbroken" to a boy, shy, joyful, and involuntarily smirking alone...
In my 20s, I still proudly considered myself to be a carefree, fearless girl, with a beautiful figure and full of collagen. It seems that as long as the label "young" is there, everything else is not so important...
At the age of 30, I became a mother, experienced pregnancy, childbirth, breastfeeding, and for the first time I realized: the greatness of being a woman/mother!
I never even thought I could have such a gentle, sensual, powerful, and fragile side.
I always hear people say that after a woman gives birth to a child, after 35, she will start to go "downhill". Anti-aging, anti-aging, anti-mentality...
Sure enough, I also entered a new stage of fighting against the years, my skin began to soften, and my wrinkles were obvious, but I was not anxious about it, but I appreciated myself more and more.
Sophisticated and unworldly! Natural and airy! After falling and frustrated, I am still willing to believe in love, believe in beauty, and maintain my innocent side.
Recently watched a documentary that was rated by the whole network as "what all women should watch" - "Woman". It's about 2,000 women from more than 50 countries telling their own personal stories and journeys as women.
I don't know if you've seen it. I find it difficult to get an overview of the empathy and spiritual touch that this film brings in one or two sentences. In front of a simple black curtain background, women from different countries, different ages, and different experiences face the camera and tell their stories:
About education, love, marriage, childbirth, workplace discrimination, facial anxiety, domestic violence, aging, sex... Many topics resonate with women around the world.
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About fertility
"When my first child Emily was born, I said to myself: 'Oh, my God!' I’ve produced a human being. I am Superwoman! (I'm creating human beings, I'm a superwoman)""
"But the feeling didn't last long... My hormones are back to normal. ”
"When I had a baby, my son became the center of the family and they called me 'Empty Shell'...
"I started questioning the purpose of my life, and I wondered why I should learn if all I did was to have children, as if I were just a conduit for fused DNA."
Childbearing is an iconic node from girl to woman; it is an unforgettable memory that every mother has.
The days and nights of pregnancy in October, the uneasiness and fear before giving birth, the pain of contractions that cannot be described for hours... The moment I feel the child coming out of his body, he forgets it all. That is the power of maternal love, incomparably great!
However, childbirth is not only a smooth completion of childbirth, but also the beginning of a "test" for mothers. More and more moms are experiencing postpartum depression, pain, helplessness, and not being understood by their families... Behind the birth, mothers pay too much physical, psychological, social opportunities, economic opportunities and so on.
They are all encouraging the birth of a second child, the birth of a third child, in the final analysis, it is women who have children, and women are willing to have children? I think all discussions should not avoid this fundamental issue.
In today's era, the cost of childbearing is unequal in the distribution of men and women, perhaps giving women more social rights and protections from many aspects is possible to reduce some anxiety, some uneasiness, and some sense of crisis.
About family and career
"I didn't think that taking maternity leave might affect my career... When I go back to work, it's when I'm sober. “
"One of my bosses made it clear to me that you were a good employee, but you didn't realize how much this kid would change your life. He was warning me about something I hadn't experienced. ”
She recalls the sacrifices she made: "Choosing to work on Wall Street, writing a book, doing seminars, it makes a lot of sense. But while making this choice, she also gave up a lot:
Gave up family dinners and accompanied his son to do his homework;
Give up knowing yourself and doing what you love, but instead do what other people will like;
She gave up on men who wanted serious long-term relationships...
Gave up playing in the yard, gave up keeping the dream dog;
Gave up taking a comfortable bath at night;
Give up making memories and talk to people who should have left a lot of memories. ”
Family and career for women, my personal experience is, can not be balanced. On both sides of the celestial maple, biased to the left and biased to the right, there are gains and losses, and it is difficult to make trade-offs.
I have friends around me who choose to return to their families because they have a baby, and there are friends who have not even done much and started crazy work. There is no one who is stronger than anyone, it's just that different people make different choices. I like a sentence said by actor Yao Chen: "Choose what you can bear, bear what you choose!" “
Full-time mothers, working mothers, I have been fortunate to experience, I think women have a tilt towards the family in their bones, so no matter how to choose, there will be "sacrifices". But I am very sure that no matter what, I must have the power and freedom to choose for my own heart, and the strength and confidence to control my own life. And then, no complaints, no regrets!
About love
"On my wedding day, I wore a skirt, it was a pleated skirt... I was beautiful like a painting that day, and I was so happy. My handsome husband was standing next to him, brown hair, curved black eyebrows, a table of talents. ”
"That's how I loved him, overflowing with words. He died 13 years ago, but I love him still. He lives in my memory, and I make a living from it. ”
Seeing this grandmother recall her love, I burst into tears. I can't help but sigh that this is how high the cultivation of the previous life is, and only in this life can I meet true love.
Love is unclear, unclear, obviously know the other party's imperfections, but still willing to love with all their strength, I think this is the real deep love.
The vows at the wedding, the entrustment of each other hand in hand, but from that moment on, not everyone can go to the end together...
I was also confused, is it a loser in love? But if you think about it, why bother yourself? Love also makes us grow and mature.
About aging
"God has given me a gift to see myself at this age. See physical changes in the body at this age. ”
"I saw my beauty when I was fifteen, I saw my beauty at thirty, and now I see myself at sixty, and it's not bad... I'm not an old woman, I'm getting older, but I'm not old enough. ”
"Getting old is naughty, it's going to sneak up on you. You thought you were young and running and jumping, but all of a sudden your legs were out of whack. “
"I don't want to get old, I want to be pretty... I couldn't help but ask: 'Am I pretty?' Being young is inherently beautiful. ’”
"My cheeks are wrinkled, my eyesight is down, my skin is no longer elastic, I'm dry... Full of gray hair, no teeth, my beauty is gone, but there are still people who call me beautiful grandma. ”
Everyone will grow old, the natural law of life, old age, illness and death can not escape, but now there are more and more people with appearance anxiety, and this society does not know when it is not willing to accept the fact that women become old, forty or fifty years old still have to have a twenty-something appearance like eating preservatives, the era of medical beauty, where there are wrinkles, where there is sagging to go to a few shots...
I'm not against going after youthful looks, and I want to age a little slower, a little slower. But I would say that after thirty years of age, we don't have to focus too much on aging. Every age has a unique beauty for each age, and learning to accept is the best state.
As I tried to learn to reconcile with my age, I found myself focusing on more things, such as reading, studying, traveling...
Beauty, not only external, we can not keep youth forever, but we can strive to keep our hearts forever young!
About women, vulnerable groups
"They drove us together... We don't know how much it was sold... Men were out there trading us for five dollars each, or a bundle of cigarettes, or giving it away for free...
"I don't know where I'm going to go, how I'm going to be hurt, I don't know..."
"They grabbed me and threw me to the ground... Push me to a hole about the size of a coffee cup..."
"Then a woman picked up a blade and she cut me... Lots of blood, lots of silence, lots of taboos, all kinds of indifference..."
"I've endured all this because I'm a girl."
When I was in the United States before, I had heard of "circumcision", and it was unimaginable that this kind of behavior was extremely cruel and ignorant, and because she was a girl, she had to endure double damage in body and soul unconditionally, and she was powerless to resist.
There are also women who are sold as commodities, and they still exist today. I sincerely hope that civilized education can spread to every corner of the world, and I hope that women will no longer suffer humiliation and harm.
About education
"People forget that behind every man, there is also a father who teaches him, and the father allows him to shout at his mother and say some insulting words... So men think this is the normal way to treat women. ”
I don't just blame women for all this, I blame it on the whole machismo society. It is a constant reminder that I am a woman... At the same time, it constantly reminds men of their gender.
In society as a whole, men's respect for women begins on a certain level, from family education. The words and deeds of parents are examples for children to follow. So, if you have a boy, you must let him know how to love his mother, know how to take care of and care for women, and dad is the best example.
About women
This film has an online review: "When I watched it, I felt strongly that women are a community of destiny, because their experiences hide our shadows." “
"I like the tenderness of women, that sensitivity, that uniqueness, expressing what a woman is."
"Treat women with the utmost respect, ignoring race, color, ethnicity, hair, appearance, and women who deserve respect. Women are strong, have been since ancient times, and I am proud to be a woman. ”
"I'm a strong woman."
"I am a determined woman."
"Determined, very caring."
Bing Xin said in the afterword to About Women that if there were no women in the world, the world would lose at least five-tenths of the 'truth', six-tenths of the 'goodness', and seven-tenths of the 'beauty'.
I like the tenderness, sensitivity and warmth that I have as a woman, and I prefer that when I am needed, I can also be bold, strong, and brave.
Hats off to every woman born for love!