Patient, calm, unpunished, gentle parenting is an evidence-based approach that focuses on empathy, respect, understanding, and boundaries.
Gentle nurturing
From authority and tolerance to free-range and conscious parenting methods, there are dozens of parenting methods – and the variations are innumerable. However, if you want to add a new approach to your arsenal, you may want to consider a gentle approach to parenting. The peaceful, positive style is very different from our parents' style, far from the "old school".
But what is a gentle parenting style – and how to implement it in your daily life? From the basics of this approach to the pros and cons, here's everything you need to know about gentle parenting.
What is gentle parenting? What are the benefits of gentle parenting? Is there anything wrong with gentle parenting? Try gentle parenting techniques
What is gentle parenting?
Gentle parenting is a parenting style without shame, blame, or punishment. It is a partnership between all parties, and both parents and children have a say in this way of working together. Gentle parenting is just as it sounds; it's a gentler parenting style where parents and caregivers practice gentle parenting guide their children through consistent, compassionate boundaries — rather than a firm hand.
"Gentle parenting, also known as collaborative parenting, is a form of parenting in which parents do not force their children to behave through punishment or control, but through contact, communication, and other democratic means, as a family to make decisions together," parents do.
This parenting style consists of four main elements: empathy, respect, understanding, and boundaries.
What are the benefits of gentle parenting?
There are many benefits to a gentle parenting style. "Gentle parents teach children that they can be proactive in this world, set their own boundaries, believe in their own needs, and let their voices be heard. It provides a framework for children to learn to express themselves clearly and respectfully, and this parenting style reduces their chances of being exploited by bullying. ”
Other benefits of gentle parenting include:
Reduces anxiety. Studies have shown that gentle parenting styles can reduce the risk of anxiety. In fact, one study found that this approach "may promote normative responses in shy young children in social settings."
Improve parent-child relationships. Another study found that gentle parenting styles may improve the relationship between parents and children. "The most valuable gift a child can receive is free, it's just the love, time and support of the parents."
Positive social skills. Children, especially babies and toddlers, copy what they see. Because gentle parenting styles are rooted in empathy and respect, children learn to imitate these positive traits – making them more likely to be empathetic and respectful people.
Is there anything wrong with gentle parenting?
While there are many benefits to a gentle parenting style, this approach is not foolproof. Even gentle parenting styles have their drawbacks.
In some cases, a gentle parenting style can be tolerant and advantageous, which can lead to bad behavior. Gentle parenting can be a challenge. Both parents and children can struggle with a lack of discipline and structure. And this method is not for everyone. Gentle parenting requires a lot of patience, perseverance, and practice. If you have not grown up this way and/or your child is not familiar with this approach, it may be difficult to implement this strategy.
Try gentle parenting techniques
Gentle parenting for beginners
If you're looking for a way to incorporate a gentle parenting style into your life, the best option is to start small. Comment on bad behavior individually, separating the behavior from the perpetrator. Regularly model what you want to see. Practice kindness, compassion, and empathy at all times. and minimize requests and commands. Don't say "tie your shoes", but make suggestions. For example, "Do you think you should tie your shoelaces so you don't trip?" ”
The key to gentle parenting is patience and your approach. Magic happens when your child feels seen, heard, and understood.
Tips when frustrated
The first and most important thing to do is to slow down. "Communicate with your child in a way that prioritizes connection and empathy, and then solve problems in a way that works best for everyone, not just adults."
For example, let's say you need to go to the grocery store and your 4-year-old won't be wearing their coat. You calmly asked several times, all ignored. You start to feel angry and frustrated, and worry that being late will delay you all day. What should you do? Pause and slow down.
"First, calm yourself down, recommit yourself to the collaborative process, and ask your child in a neutral, calm voice what happened. You might say, 'Hey, I noticed you didn't wear a coat to the grocery store today.' Can you tell me what you're thinking? 'Give them some time to deal with this. If your question is too complicated for them, you can also ask yes or no questions. Listen patiently and understandingly, and then come up with a solution that works for all parties involved.
"The answer is not one-size-fits-all, the solution must be right for you and your family."
Gentle parenting techniques for dangerous situations
While gentle parenting is fairly simple, children can and do test our patience. For example, young children tend to lose their temper – biting and hitting at the same time. Older children push boundaries, and even though they are raised, sometimes our children find themselves in dangerous situations. Everyone needs their own unique reactions and responses.
"Tantrums will happen. Every parent will deal with them at some point or another, and if you find yourself dealing with a child who can't be comforted, then it's important to consider something. Know that this behavior is a form of communication. This is completely normal and age-appropriate. Know that no matter what your parents are, they will lose their temper. Although inconvenient, as long as your child is safe, you cannot and should not stop losing your temper. ”
"You need to let your child release their big emotions while staying calm in the neighborhood, at which point tantrums may seem unbearable, but getting them to go with the flow is crucial for young children's development." As an adult, your job is to keep their environment safe while letting them know that if they need you, you're there. Also, "you should validate their feelings and say as you go." After the tantrums subside, you can use the experience as a teachable moment to discuss what caused it and discuss possible future solutions. ”
That said, if your child is in imminent danger (for example, they are running down the street or playing in traffic), your reaction may (and will) be different. They can't just "take it out" of their system. In these cases, it is best to keep the child away from the situation and explain to them the consequences of their actions. A straightforward discussion is key.