When there are logical consequences, we need to help children make up for their mistakes together, rather than simply criticizing children.
Logical consequence refers to the occurrence of something, and its result is borne by others, not by the child himself.
For example: a glass of water is very hot, I myself touched the burn, this consequence is borne by myself, this is the natural consequence;
But if I throw water in someone's face and burn someone else's face, do I have consequences for myself? No.
The consequences of this matter are borne by others, and this is the problem of logical consequences.
At this time, if the parents do not intervene, the child becomes a bear child.
For all actions that are caused by others, we need to let our children know that this is what our parents want to interfere with.
We have to translate the logical consequences into the consequences that the children need to bear themselves, if we as relatives are always tolerant of the children, this will make the children not know the boundaries when interacting with outsiders, which will be problematic. So, what we really have to deal with is the problem of logical consequences.
There are two ways to deal with the problem of logical consequences:
The first is direct punishment, the punishment stated in advance will not actually bring trauma to the child, as long as it is not an act of violence, let the child know in advance what to do will be punished, once punished for such a thing, it will make the child have a sense of rules;
The second way is to turn logical consequences into natural consequences, and at the right time, let children feel the nasty of logical consequences.
For example, if a child plays on a swing in the park, he first says that he will play for others for 5 minutes, and at the same time stipulates that if he does not come down, the punishment is not to continue to play and to go home.
If he still refuses to come down when the time comes, then the first punishment that parents can use is to directly hold him down and allow him to cry, but to tell him that he has done something wrong, so he can't play today, and he has to go home.
The second way is to let him wait in line at the back, and in the process of waiting, let him experience the anxiety that others are unwilling to come down and he has to wait extra.
In fact, children are more adept at judging the situation than parents, and if the parents' rules are clear and the rewards and punishments are clear, the children can quickly adjust their behavior.
American writer Jane Nelson pointed out in the book "Positive Discipline" that if a child is willing to make up for his mistakes, the "three Rs" to correct the mistakes can help them.
The first is to admit mistakes and make the child feel responsible, not to blame others.
Therefore, parents need to clearly point out their children's mistakes and use facts to let their children know their mistakes.
After the child has truly realized his mistake, the second step is to reconcile, and the child apologizes to the person he has offended or hurt and gets the forgiveness of others.
This step should be encouraged to be done by the child himself, because completing this step can give the child a sense of accomplishment and make them not afraid to take responsibility.
The third step is to resolve the problem and, if possible, to come up with a solution with the party whose interests have been compromised, which should be implementable and have concrete results.
That is to say, when a child makes a mistake, he can help the child make up for the mistake by three steps: "I was wrong - sorry - let's solve the problem together".
Through these "three R" steps, children are aware of the logical consequences and come up with solutions on how to take responsibility, which is a very important part of the child's growth process.
After the child has completed these three steps, parents must remember to talk to the child very formally about this matter and tell him: it is really great that you can take responsibility and solve the problem, and the parents are very proud of you.
This creates a virtuous circle: children will not run away or lie because they are afraid of taking responsibility after making mistakes, they will not make things worse, but will grow up through mistakes, see their abilities, and thus become more confident.
In summary, if a problem has natural consequences, then the child should bear the consequences himself.
After bearing it many times, he will think of changing himself, if you don't let him bear it, directly shoot, your ego will become the child's self.
And if a problem produces logical consequences, the consequences are borne by others, and no matter how the parents wait, the child will not have their own ideas to change, and even will intensify the damage to others, only for their own interests, at this time, parents must intervene to stop and give corresponding punishments.
Otherwise, the child may become a bear child.
Sometimes, some problems cannot be distinguished between growing problems and logical consequences that must be dealt with, at which time parents need to have a pair of eyes to distinguish whether the child is intentional or unintentional, and to distinguish whose interests are harmed by the consequences of the problem.
Whether it is a matter of natural consequences or logical consequences, if parents have a sense of responsibility and rights, the solution of the problem will become simpler.
Give the child certain responsibilities and rights, let him enjoy the benefits of the results, but also bear the problems caused by the results, in the long run, the child can slowly distinguish the nature of the problem, control the boundaries of their own behavior.
——" Be the right "lazy" parents and raise a heart-saving baby"