In life, we often complain about children's various problems: bad temper, clingy, procrastination... However, it is ignored that problem children are not born at all, and they often have problem parents standing behind them.
Think about it, sometimes do you only care about being the "supervisor" of your child's growth, and forget to grow up with your child?
1
If your child is always deliberately bothering you, it may be because you don't have enough physical intimacy with him and he is eager to engage with you.
The child is not doing this to be unable to get along with you, but to clearly signal to you: "Daddy/Mommy, I need more time with you!" ”
The lack of time and quality of time and quality of the parent's companionship will lead to the child's lack of security. He is taking the opportunity to show love to Dad/Mom, but also asks Dad/Mom to confirm their love for himself.
Remember, the premise of "pushing away" the child must be to satisfy the child first.
2
If your child lies, it may be because you have blamed him excessively for his mistakes.
From the perspective of the parent-child relationship model, the more the child makes mistakes and is scolded, the higher the probability of lying afterwards. Why?
If the child has had the experience of being harshly criticized by his parents before, then he will be afraid, because he can't bear the pressure to lie.
Therefore, parents first try to understand the child and accept his behavior, of course, acceptance does not mean identification. Then, a good way of communication is needed, and the child will slowly change this "problem". Of course, when the pressure of the child to be "blamed" is less, there is no need to lie and deny.
3
If your child lacks self-confidence, it may be because you give him more advice than encouragement.
Many parents mistakenly believe that what their children need is education, and education is more about indoctrination and discipline. They use their own experience to tell children what to do, and they neglect the child's psychology and thoughts.
For a child, the experience of success will be one of the motivations for him to continue to try things. Usually, emphasize the child's advantages, encourage the child to dare to try, and the more successful the experience, the more confident the child.
4
If the child is afraid to insist on his will, it may be because he has been reprimanded in public since he was a child. Parents don't do this, even in the presence of siblings or relatives and friends.
Educating children in public is not a good thing, not only is the parent-child conflict publicly intensified, but also makes other people look sideways and watch, causing embarrassment, and more importantly, causing children to be inferior, timid, and dare not get along with people. Whether at home or outside, regardless of the age of the child, parents should give their children time to listen to their ideas.
5
If a parent buys everything for his child, but he still goes to get things that don't belong to him, it may be because you don't give him a chance to choose.
You buy your child a bunch of things, less than the one he picked himself a long time ago. Why? Because that's what he likes. Many times, we always make up our own minds to give our children everything we think is good, and swear: "This is for your own good." ”
In this way, under the aura of love, the child is like a puppet of the parents, and the right to choose is ruthlessly deprived. Love and freedom are not in conflict, choose more for children.
6
If your child is a coward, it may be because you always help him in time. Mom and Dad, we don't need to sweep away all the Land Rovers on the road of life for our children.
A life without failure is both non-existent and incomplete. If parents over-handle their children's affairs, then the children will always be smooth sailing and will not feel the taste of failure.
Children will always adapt to society in the future, we must cultivate children's ability to solve problems on their own, and we must fully believe in children, even if they do not do well, we must let children understand from an early age that failure is not a bad thing.
7
If the child's jealousy is strong, it may be because you often compare the baby with the Xiaoming next door.
Every parent hopes that their children will grow up and have a good life, just as the so-called hate iron is not steel, but steel is not "hated", it is "refined".
Comparing one's own children with others is to imply that children learn from the good aspects of others. It is true that occasional comparisons can enhance self-motivation, but often compared, children usually have a lot of negative emotions: unhappiness, insecurity, anger, jealousy, etc. Even in terms of behavior, there is stubbornness and rebellion.
In fact, the best way is to compare yourself and pay attention to every small progress of your child. After all, every child is unique.
8
If your child throws a tantrum if he is slightly upset, it may be because you don't praise him enough, and he can only get your attention from him if he behaves inappropriately.
Sometimes, if the mother only cares about doing her own thing or pays more attention to others than the child, the child will have a sense of loss in her heart, and sometimes she will attract the attention of the mother by throwing a tantrum.
Tantrums are a little trick for children. Therefore, parents should observe carefully and understand the psychological and physiological needs of the baby in time.
9
If the child does not respect the feelings of others, it may be because you always command the child, first of all, you yourself do not respect him.
Sometimes, children will dictate to adults, and even speak ill of adults so that they cannot get off the stage. However, they may simply copy the tone and language of the parents speaking to themselves or other adults. They don't understand that different attitudes and tones should be used towards different people.
10
If your child is always mysterious and doesn't tell you anything, it may be because you always love to hit him.
Someone once did a survey and found that most children are reluctant to talk to their parents more, and a very important factor is that children feel that their parents' language makes them feel annoyed or hurt.
Just think: if someone hits you again and again, are you still willing to push his heart and mind with him? The same goes for children.
11
If the child is not polite, it may be learned from mom and dad or people around them.
Parents are role models for children to learn, and in teaching by example, teaching by example is more important. For example, respecting the elderly and loving children, civility and courtesy, the use of polite language...
In a family where parents speak softly, it is impossible to cultivate children who like to shout and shout. On the contrary, if parents usually do not pay attention to the attitude towards the elders, then the children will naturally learn from them and do not know how to respect the elders.
What you want your child to be like, first of all, you have to make yourself a role model that he wants to learn.
We are not born education masters, nor are we born to be parents, it does not matter if we make mistakes, the key is in the process of educating children, we can respect each other, learn together and grow together with children. Whether the child is healthy and thriving, the choice lies with the parents themselves.
From today onwards, you may wish to give the child some rights and let him choose on his own; give the child some opportunities to let him experience it on his own; give the child a little difficulty and let him solve it by himself; give the child a problem and let him find the answer by himself; give the child a space and let him go forward on his own.