Do you have any parents like this around you:
The child has done something wrong, and the parents have accused and criticized the child, as if the child has committed a heinous crime and is not forgiven.
There are also some parents, how the child does, he can find faults to criticize.
For example, the child says: "Daddy is leaving, let's not be late!" Dad said, "I don't see you so active in writing homework."
For example, the child completed the homework very hard and seriously, had a sense of accomplishment, and wanted to get encouragement and praise from the mother, so he let the mother see his homework.
Mom said, Look at what you can endure, after writing your homework, you your tail, the words are so ugly, you see people's Xiaoli's words, it is much more neat and beautiful than you...
These words, like a large basin of ice, are poured on the child without leaving a trace of warmth.
For these scenarios, many netizens said that their parents are like this: no matter how hard you work and how much you pay, he can pick out your shortcomings and problems, belittle you, and laugh at you. You resist, and they will say it's for your own good.
01
Some parents always think that children can not be too proud, to knock from time to time, is a good way of education.
On the contrary, the child's world is not so much stress, and most of the pressure comes from the parents' pickiness.
Discerning parents are usually very demanding of their children and have strict standards. They want their child to be a perfect child with good grades, good personality, good popularity, and obedience.
If the child's behavior and performance do not meet their expectations and requirements, they will feel disappointed in the child, and then criticize, scold, and express dissatisfaction.
But no one is perfect, let alone a child. It is normal for children to have problems in the process of growing up, but they will make those critical parents like enemies and be attacked as a serious problem.
02
Picky parents always ask their children according to their own ideas and preferences, regard their children as their continuation and reproduction, and want to make up for their shortcomings through their children.
This type of parent usually has a strong desire to control the child, they have their own set of ideas and standards for anything, do not care about the needs and ideas of the child, and want the child to do things exactly according to their own ideas like a marionette.
For example, some parents oppose their children's interaction with classmates with poor grades, and when they find out, they will be reprimanded; some parents also arrange a lot of homework for their children on weekends, but the children hope to go out on the weekend, and parents do not agree to criticize the children for "not wanting to learn".
Such parents do not realize that children are independent individuals who are stripped of their existence, have their own ideas and ways of thinking, and that children can make their own decisions on many things, and children have the right to make their own decisions. Blindly controlling and being picky can only cause tension in each other's relationship and even make children more rebellious.
03
Children who grow up under the pickiness of their parents have no joy.
Everyone craves the affirmation and praise of others, and can derive happiness, strength and confidence from it. Children whose parents are degraded and grow up cannot obtain these, and emotions are often depressed.
In the long run, they will have a poor sense of self-identity, easy to be inferior and introverted, not good at communicating with people, and even rebellious, and the worst effects may lead to borderline personality disorder, self-abandonment, self-harm and even suicidal tendencies.
In a documentary about juvenile delinquency, there is a situation like this:
When the reporter interviewed those teenagers who had gone astray and visited and investigated their families, they found that the parents of these children were not hitting and scolding their children's education methods, and they were picky in every way.
But their parents never felt that this way of education was wrong, and that the child's misdirection was the child's fault, the school's fault, and even the society's fault, but only, not their own fault.
They don't know that every word they scold their children is like a blunt knife and an axe that deeply hurts the child's heart, making them deny themselves from the subconscious and give up on themselves.
04
Parents often say that the reason why they are picky and pour cold water is actually for the good of their children, and the purpose is to make their children sober and calm at all times, know how to be self-motivated, not proud, and not slack. That's how their parents taught them when they were young.
They think that's love.
Or in some ways, it's really love, but not healthy love.
A healthy love consists of two aspects, one is unconditional, and the other is boundary.
Unconditional love can make children feel that they are valuable, worthy of love, and loved.
Love with boundaries will make children learn to establish their own boundaries and feel more secure in the world.
Parents love their children, should be a positive emotion from the bottom of their hearts, just because you are you so loved, nothing else. The existence of the child itself is beautiful, which can make the parents happy and happy.