I don't care what everyone thinks of me, I just want to be a hero in your eyes.
——Qingjiu emotion
For love sure
Are those who seem to be casual and unmotivated, possible to change because of love?
Before answering this question, I want to tell you a story.
Little K and Little L are a young couple. Leaving home to work in this big city was initially a dream of Little K alone. Little L came here with him for love. However, the dream is very full, and the reality is very bone. Originally, Xiao K thought that there were naturally more opportunities in big cities, but what he did not expect was that there were more opportunities and more competition.
Little K didn't get a job. In order to make ends meet, the two people have to live in the cheapest small hotel and make a living by setting up stalls. Such a hopeless life makes Little K gradually become decadent, and occasionally loses his temper with Little L. Even complained that she did not stop herself at first. In fact, Xiao L also understands that Xiao K is just angry with himself.
Watching Little K become more and more lost and depressed, Little L did not choose to bear it alone, nor did he choose to leave Little K. She was just silently accompanied. The only difference is that she will make a little progress every day, for example, making more money, selling things that are exaggerated by people, saying that it is a small K credit. And if she doesn't make money today, she will comfort Little K that she is accumulating experience and that all she lacks is luck.
Slowly, in the comfort and encouragement of Little L day after day, Little K relaxed anxiously and became more and more positive about life. Now two people have set up a small shop in the city and opened a small convenience store.
So, each of us may be crushed by life and reality, and each of us may also be cheered up. Love can be a force, but it also depends on how that love is given and felt. Love with accusations and blows obviously does not have such a effect.
The Aronson effect
We should never take the power of language lightly. Positive language can inspire people's confidence in loving each other and motivate people to pay better for love.
The Aronson effect in psychology illustrates this well.
The Aronson effect refers to the psychological phenomenon that the attitude is gradually negative as the reward decreases, and the attitude is gradually positive as the reward increases.
There is an experiment in which four groups of people give different evaluations to a certain person to see which group is most favorable.
The first group always praises it, the second group always denies it, the third group first degrades it and then praises it, and the fourth group praises it first and then degrades it.
Results: After conducting dozens of people in this experiment, it was found that most people had the most favorable feelings for the third group and the most dislike for the fourth group.
At the heart of the Aronson effect is that most people prefer to increase praise and diminish criticism.
Of course, the Aronson effect does not mean that we all become love brains and add thick filters to our lovers. Rather, in love, we should make good use of the power of language. Praising the other party and affirming the other party's behavior will not only not achieve the desired effect, but also make the other party feel that we are too hypocritical.
The real rational use of the Aronson effect should be to learn to combine praise and criticism. First objectively analyze the current situation, in affirming the other party's positive part of the interaction. Motivate the other person to continue the positive practice and make efforts in the unconsidered parts.
How to take advantage of the Aronson effect
The key to making reasonable and effective use of the Aronson effect in love is to grasp a degree and master the order between praise and disparity.
First of all, it is necessary to combine praise and criticism.
We can't just see the good side of the other person, nor can we just see the flaws of the other party. For harmless small shortcomings, expressions with a bit of playfulness are the most effective. For example, when you find that the other party does not like to do housework, do not directly blame. Instead, you can ask for help, and after the other party gives help, praise the other party for doing a good job. This expression of emotions and needs allows the other party to get a sense of identity from it, and also understand your needs. In the subsequent interaction, he will take the initiative to bear it.
Second, we must first depreciate and then praise.
If we first praise a person and point out a person's problems, it will cause a psychological gap. Therefore, when taking advantage of the contrast between praise and depreciation, we must be depreciated and praised. In this way, the other party will feel that you understand them very well, and you can act objective and rational in the face of problems. We can first express our views on the whole thing and discuss things as they are, rather than directly pointing out what the other party is doing badly. After the other person understands our opinion, point out the part of the other party that is doing well in this matter. Then at this time, the other party will analyze itself and what aspects of themselves are deficient in this matter.
The advanced use of the Aronson effect should be that the other party takes the initiative to find problems and actively make changes, rather than being urged and accused of making adjustments.
Murphy's Law tells you to let go of your concerns before you want to attract