Friend Xiaoxue's birthday, invite three or five friends to dinner together. Zhou Jie came with her son because she was late from class. During small talk, friends said that Xiaoxue's son was particularly cute and had a high emotional intelligence, and often said to his mother: "I love you" to his mother.
After Zhou Jie listened, she turned her head to her son and said, "Did you hear me?" My brother would often say 'I love you' to Aunt Xiaoxue, how come I didn't hear you say that to me? The child looked at his mother and did not answer.
At this time, XiaoXue asked Zhou Jie, "Do you often say this to your children?" ”
"No, I'm more subtle, I can't express it very well."
"That's right, I often say 'Mommy loves you' to my son, and I've got into the habit that my children will express love in the same way." Because you are not good at expressing, the child's habit of love is also not good at expressing."
Psychologist Jeffrey Bernstein said: "Only love is not enough, do not express it, the child will not feel your love"
Zhou Jie will never say "I love you" to the child, and these three words will become difficult to say in the child's cognition. In Zhang Yiqing's documentary "Kindergarten", he once interviewed children about the topic of expressing love, and the reporter asked the children: "Who do you want to love you?" The child returned: "I'm embarrassed to say, because that's disgusting." Children have this feeling, completely from their parents.
Why Chinese Parents Rarely Say "I Love You"
Chinese-style parents are better at expressing love through an action, or creating an artistic mood, rather than expressing it in words, which often makes children mistakenly think that "parents don't love me".
1. Traditional Chinese culture
There are many differences between Chinese culture and Western culture, Chinese culture is mostly implicit and obscure, and foreigners will naturally have a lot. Foreign parents will naturally say that they love you with their children, and the same children will say to their parents every day that I love you, and the husband and wife should also express their love in this way.
This is not the case in China, for example, I have never heard my parents say, "I love you." Although I know that my parents love me and I love them very much, the three words "I love you" will not be expressed to each other.
2. Wrong way of expression
Don't like to express "I love you" because parents don't love their children? It's not, it's that they're not used to expressing themselves, a pattern common in traditional Chinese homes. From generation to generation, it is an expression of "love you are hard to open in the heart".
Chinese parents adopt a critical education for their children, feeling that children cannot boast, that exaggeration will make him proud, and modesty is a virtue that has always been Chinese.
For example, when a child gets good grades, he rarely praises him, but tells the child not to be proud. Although I am already very happy inside, I still have to put on a stern look. Under this kind of strict education, there is a distance between children and their parents, and it is more difficult to say "I love you".
Often say "I love you" on the impact on children
Professor Li Meijin said: One of the children's appeals is to "ask for attention". When you say "I love you" to your child every day, you can not only get the child to respond "I love you", but also bring more influence to the child.
Impact 1: Children are more confident
Parents often say "I love you" to their children, which is a positive parent-child relationship, and they can feel the love of their parents. This kind of love is declared in the mouth, so that the child's heart is more firm, full of security, and full of confidence in everything.
Tip: The role of self-confidence in a person's development, whether in terms of intelligence, physical strength, or ability to deal with the world, has a cornerstone effect. A simple I love you, but can give a child a lifetime of benefits.
Impact two: stronger interpersonal skills
Children who grow up in a parent full of loving expressions are not only confident, but also have better empathy than others. In the future, we can think about problems from the perspective of others, have affinity, and be good at helping others.
Therefore, it will be easily liked by the people around it, like a magnet, constantly attracting more people. Their communication skills are strong, they will increase a lot of networking, and they will be very useful when they grow up.
Impact three: strong expression ability
Children who often hear parents say "I love you" have better expression skills than other children. My heart is full of love, and I like to share this love through expression.
When others receive the kindness expressed by their children, they will also reciprocate. This kind of interaction will make children more confident and have better expression skills.
Impact four: inner health sunshine
If you often say "I love you" to your child, and hug, touch and kiss the child, it will fill the child's heart with happiness. Such children are healthy, they will not easily be sad because of a word from others, and their parents have given them enough security and self-confidence.
Tip: Children are destined to survive in a stressful environment when they grow up, and people who have been warmed by parent-child behavior since childhood are better able to cope with the pressures of the social environment and avoid stress-related diseases.
Love, please speak up
Children grow up, for them, love is undoubtedly the best nourishment.
The core of the psychological nutrition required for growth such as unconditional attention, affirmation praise, and recognition is actually about "love", and there is a sense of value that is indispensable to love. Parents have a compulsory course in their lives, that is, to love their children.
How to love? Silent guardianship only gives action or declares love in the mouth and puts it into action? I think the second one is better and more perfect.
"I love you" is a magical language that allows two strangers to form a family and give birth to a baby in the name of love, in short: love is the source of a family centripetal force.
When parents take the initiative and often say this to their children, the children will have a full sense of security for their parents and family, rely on you emotionally, and understand the meaning that their families bring. In this way, children will also know more how to love others and love the world.
Psychologists believe that children have a natural and absolute dependence on their parents, which is not only reflected in the physiological need to be taken care of by their parents, but also in the psychological desire for parental love.
Pillow Parenting Message:
In fact, I think that expressing "I love you" to children is already a fairly common and natural thing in today's society, and many families are gradually accustomed to expressing love in this way.
There's nothing to be embarrassed about, getting used to it is just a normal thing! Don't skimp on those three words, say "I love you" to your child, so that he can feel love and sunshine, and can grow up healthy and happy. It doesn't matter if you're embarrassed, start with a letter or a message!
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