The goal of counseling is to help each client grow in self-awareness, self-understanding, responsibility, and self-acceptance.
However, many people have certain misconceptions about counseling, such as "thinking that its role is to make themselves feel better every week." But as if this were not the case, as counseling progressed, clients had difficulty accepting that the problems were increasing, and they might choose to abandon counseling at such moments, "they have discovered too much at once, so they will feel a little overwhelmed."
But please believe that the counselor "will encourage the 'withdrawing you' to persevere, because this is the pain we need to endure in order to grow", after all, the counselor's greatest desire is to "help the client know who he is, the reason for doing something, and how he feels."
"Thank you so much for the counseling you gave me, I feel much better," says Jane.
My heart is full of mixed feelings.
There are many misconceptions about counseling, for example, that its role is to make them feel better every week.
Many people draw a spa analogy to the effects of counseling, i.e., we expect to enter with a sense of tension and leave feeling relaxed and refreshed.
Sometimes it does. But in most cases, when we end counseling, we will have more understanding and awareness of the seriousness and universality of our problems.
Sometimes we come to the table with one of our own questions and find ourselves with five questions at the end.
And that usually doesn't feel better.
Therefore, if you expect to feel better after each counseling session, then you may be disappointed.
In the first few sessions of counseling, the counselor and client get to know each other and explore the problems they want to solve.
If they have a good connection, the client usually feels relieved, supported, and hopeful. Their inner problems are finally being solved, and the counselors seem to be caring and understanding, don't judge themselves, and really feel like they can make progress. This feeling is good.
However, as counseling progresses, things tend to get worse before they get better.
Psychologist George Weinberg, in his book The Core of Psychotherapy, writes: "In the process of psychological counseling, we help the client to see the universality of his problems... As visitors see, 'this problem is more common than I thought', and they occasionally get a little frustrated... In a way, when the problem is broader than they think, it also means that the problem is more rewarding when it is solved. “（p.18）
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For example, Jane received counseling because she wanted to better understand her "dating difficulties."
She describes herself as a "continuous monogamous" person who is engaged and considerate in every relationship life, but not just good for one person in a lifetime. She would date men until she started to suspect that the man was no longer trustworthy.
In the first three sessions, she was able to tell her story, vent about her bad relationships, and feel like I was trying to understand and help her.
She really felt much better after each consultation because she was listened to and supported.
But our future consulting may move into less comfortable territory.
We may find that her suspicions also cost her many friendships;
It may be found that painful events in her childhood have made it difficult for her to maintain trust;
We may even find that her problems extend to herself – she has a hard time believing her thoughts and feelings and projecting them onto other people.
These cruel discoveries did not make her pace brisk. This is what Weinberg refers to as the feeling of "discouragement.")
Many clients choose to terminate counseling at this point because they have discovered too much at once and feel a little overwhelmed.
I don't blame them for feeling that way, but I encourage them to keep going because that's exactly the pain we need to endure in order to grow.
I've likened the process to sorting out a long-forgotten basement or closet – when you start getting things out, it's easy to get overwhelmed by a lot of clutter.
If you put it here, you will have to accept that there is a lot of stuff in front of you. But if you stick to it, you'll see gradual progress and eventually a more organized space.
I believe that the goal of counseling is to help each client grow in self-awareness, self-understanding, responsibility, and self-acceptance.
Rather than using the one-hour a week to make Jane feel better, I would rather help her recognize who she is, why she's doing something, and how she feels.
I hope counseling will help her truly assess her strengths and limitations, and give her the freedom to choose relationships, work, and activities that will bring her joy, fulfillment, and satisfaction.
So overall, I also hope counseling will make Jane feel a lot better, but have to say that there's still some hard work to do before we get there.
Maybe you've started counseling, maybe you haven't taken that step yet.
If you're in a difficult situation and overwhelmed, perhaps our Psychological Assessment Service can help you accurately and efficiently.
Our Psychological Assessment can support you with:
1. The international standard psychometric scale system and 1v1 in-depth interviews help you explore your mental state efficiently;
2. In a warm and safe environment, help you understand what kind of mental health services are needed;
3. A professional case manager will match the appropriate mental health plan for you;
4. Mental health support for more than 3 months, during which time you can communicate with the assessment consultant if you are confused about psychological services;
5. Help you be more clear about which issues are the most noteworthy, what their possible causes are, and, if you need to seek the help of a counselor, what kind of counselor is best for you.
The data shows that after the "psychological assessment" into the psychological counseling, the consultation matching degree is effectively increased by 5 times.