The most important thing parents give to their children is an attitude toward life - life should be worked on, life is worth working hard, life is controllable, life is endlessly fun.
A reader left a message asking us: "I spend all my energy on children, washing and cooking, picking up and dropping off at school, often communicating with teachers, and responding to every need." The wind and rain come and go, why are the children's grades still not good? Getting worse and worse with me? ”
I think of a talk by writer Autumn QT about her mom.
QT is a typical dual-career child, whose parents returned to the city in their 30s and were admitted to university, and had no time to take care of her. Mom taught her early on how to draw matches, light gas, heat meals in a steamer, boil water, and so on.
Participating in extracurricular activities, the Children's Palace, the Juvenile Science Station, and the Juvenile Newspaper Office all went by bus by herself, and her mother never asked her what she had learned.
"Once my mother left work at noon, came to pick me up at school, ran to the classroom and asked, the classmates said she was upstairs, and at night my mother asked me, why are you upstairs today?" I replied, you went to high school today, I am already a sophomore in high school, my mother suddenly realized, oh, you are already a sophomore in high school. ”
The reader asked her, "Did you have a hard time as a child?" ”
She nodded and said yes. But she said: "I'm glad my parents were dual-career parents who taught me a lot. ”
Once, when my mother came back from buying fish from the wet market, she suddenly exclaimed, "Oh, the fish seller is looking for me for 5 cents less." "She was 6 years old at the time, and her deepest impression was, wow, my mom remembers every penny in her wallet.
This makes her very sensitive to financial data from an early age, and when she grows up, she is extremely aware of cash flow. Once in an interview with McKinsey, she surprised the interviewer with a few sets of data she casually uttered, all based on developing good habits from an early age, she said. This is the impact of a mother on the growth of a child at a certain moment, how huge.
When I was in elementary school, my mother got up at 5 a.m. every day to buy groceries, cook, and then take a 2-hour one-way bus to cook. Rarely watch tv, always reading under the lamp, writing, washing and brushing, sewing and mending.
QT said: "I rarely see my mom lying on the couch as a potato when she was young. ”
This habit of her mother has always affected her. QT has never had Ge You lying on the couch until now, and she is disgusted by this seemingly lazy posture.
Mom saved money, bought a large piece, 300 yuan sofa, 900 yuan refrigerator, 3000 yuan TV, buy once, are the whole family's holiday, and consumption upgrades. The whole family cheered.
"I followed them and felt the sense of accomplishment of graduation, examination, promotion, salary increase, buying a house and a car, and upgrading consumption." I feel that life is full of hope because they make me see the hope of life. ”
These childhood memories have a very big impact on QT, "I know that life can be pursued, and I know that what I want can be obtained through hard work." 」 ”
She studied, went to graduate school, and went from rural China to top universities in the United States; she learned English, from a super bad English level, to being able to survive in a foreign company and become a top employee of McKinsey.
Most importantly: "They gave me a sense of material and spiritual security and direction." Life should be worked on, life is worth working hard, life is controllable, life is endlessly fun. ”
It's a stay-at-home mom giving her daughter a fortune.
Back to the reader's question, why do you give everything, and the child is not only not appreciative, but also extremely ineffective?
I am reminded of the word "poor mother thinking", what is poor mother thinking?
Poor mothers think poor thinking poorly and always think that their children are poor. Because I feel that the child is poor, I keep giving, giving, interfering, doting, and it doesn't matter whether the child wants it or not. Your self-righteous love, in the eyes of your child, is overcontrolled.
The grandmother does not want to cross the road, you have to carry people behind your back, but also say that you respect the old and love the young, the grandmother scolds you for no reason; the child does not need your giving, you do not force it to give, it is the mother who forcibly instills it in the name of maternal love, the child has to take it, but it will not thank you.
In the thinking of poor mothers, mothers always feel that their children are weak, do not understand anything, have nothing. Think of it this way, it's not the child who has the problem, it's the mother.
Are children really always weak? Do children really not understand anything? Wrong, children are actually very rich, they are very powerful, they know a lot of things, they have unlimited potential, unlimited plasticity. It's just that under your oppression, their potential is invisible.
Your children are not poor, rich, have great potential, like a treasure mine waiting to be excavated.
Don't use the love in your eyes to frame your child into a well-set cage, a really good mother, like QT's mother, never forced to give love, but walk in front, let the child see the back of his own efforts, and stimulate his own potential. What you want to give to your child, give it to yourself first, and the child will naturally see it.
What can a professional mom give her child?
There was a little boy, his mother was a doctor, there were many patients in the hospital, and his mother was very busy at work and had no time to take care of him, so she had to take him to the hospital every day and let him follow his mother to inspect the ward.
The little boy worked with his mother every day, and found that every day he went to work, he had to wear a slim formal dress, a professional tie, and a white coat outside.
The little boy asked his mother, "Mom, why do you have to wear a tie every day?" When other uncles and aunts inspected the ward, they didn't see them wearing ties? ”
His mother told him: "In this way, you can show respect for the patient, so that you can show your professional sense of the job, and the patient will feel at ease." ”
Once, in the summer, there was a sudden power outage in the hospital, and my mother went to the wards to inspect, and the little boy followed. There was no air conditioning, the weather was very hot, the mother wore a tie and a mask, and went from different wards, and the big beads of sweat slipped from the forehead, and the little boy saw that the back of the mother was already wet.
But my mother did not slack off in the slightest, as always, strict, serious and responsible. Mom said to him, "It's respect for the patient, it's a sense of professionalism." ”
20 years later, the little boy graduated from college and entered a financial company, and he always remembers that summer of the power outage, his mother wet her back with sweat, but strictly dressed to inspect the ward.
Therefore, he set a lot of rules for himself: for example, always cut formal clothes, no matter what the situation, to meet customers, must wear formal clothes; for example, can not be late; for example, the day's email, must reply before midnight; for example, received mail, must reply within 2 hours.
Later, the little boy became Jesse Livermore, the world's top financial investor.
The reporter asked him: "What is the most important thing in the education of children you receive?" ”
He replied, "The sense of professionalism that my mother taught him by leading by example was the most important thing. ”
This mother, with a summer show, assembled the engine of the child's later life, and the work creed. No matter what job you do, a professional mom must be able to give her child the most unshakable value: you must be full of professionalism to win the respect of others.
Jesse Livermore
What a desperate father can leave behind for his child
Mom is like that, and so is Dad.
On July 18, 2007, the press conference of "The True Colors of Boys". Nicholas Tse combines his action scenes in this play into a highlight video, ready to be given to his soon-to-be-born son.
There are many action scenes in this play, and many action scenes are very dangerous, and other actors have used stand-ins, but Nicholas Tse does not use them, and has always not used them. Every action scene is played in person. At that time, Jackie Chan personally jumped from the Hong Kong International Convention and Exhibition Center for filming, and this time, Tse Tingfeng jumped from the Hong Kong International Convention and Exhibition Center.
He said: "I'm glad I didn't die while making this film. Because those shots had reached the limit of what I could do, like bouncing to the ground like a billiard ball and jumping around on the top floor of the convention center. ”
Image from the movie "The True Colors of Boys"
The reporter asked him: "Why are you so desperate?" ”
Nicholas Tse replied, "Every action I do first, every thing I do, is reserved for my child." It is because I am about to become a father that I am so desperate, and I am not as careless as you think of children and wives. ”
Another wish of Tse Tingfeng is that when his son grows up and takes him to the convention center to see, he can proudly tell him: "Only two Hong Kong actors have jumped down from that building, one is Jackie Chan, and the other is your father." ”
Nicholas Tse cut these thrilling shots into a short film for his soon-to-be-born son.
"I want to tell him that your father is such an actor, working hard, desperately, and you will have to be a hard-working person in the future."
At first, I thought it was cruel for Nicholas Tse to do this, why should I show my child such a thrilling scene? Why can't you tell your child that the world is actually beautiful? After having children, I understood, because the world itself is not beautiful, and all the beauty is played by myself.
If you want to tell your child, the world is wonderful. You shouldn't block the fact that goodness takes a lot of hard work to get.
Liu Qiangdong said: "There is nothing that can be gained without work, and the only thing that can be gained without work is poverty." ”
Nicholas Tse is an excellent father, and his excellence lies not only in his hard work for his family, but also in his courage to show his efforts and desperation to his children.
What does a rich wife who insists on staying full time leave behind for her children?
In 2015, the guest who came to participate in the show was Jay Chou's wife Kunling, and Wang Han asked Kunling:
"Zhou Dong is so rich, why don't you work as a full-time mother at home after giving birth?" Instead, continue to work? ”
This question, presumably many people have, Zhou Dong is the king of the Chinese pop music scene, and backed by such a powerful husband, Kunling can't wait to make a comeback and go out to work a month after giving birth, is it necessary to be so anxious? You're not short of money either.
In the face of Wang Han's question, Kunling said without hesitation: "I want my child to see in the future that his parents are very hard-working and positive people." I hope that my children will be able to be diligent and self-reliant when they grow up. ”
This 22-year-old hot mom not only made a comeback a month after childbirth, but also followed by non-stop shooting of advertisements and movies, going to Japan and Europe to shoot scenes, and at the same time, whenever she had time, she went home to see her children, and did her best to find a balance between career and family.
The image comes from Kunling Weibo
It is said that Zhou Dong did not propose to let Kunling take care of the children at home and be a full-time mother, but Kunling refused. I think, what she thinks in her heart is that she does not want her children to grow up and think that their fathers are so good and work hard;
And my mother, at the age of 22, became a stay-at-home mom; she didn't want her child to introduce her parents to her friends later and say, this is my dad, he used to be the pinnacle singer in the Chinese music scene; this is my mom, well, she's just my mom.
Kunling will certainly be an excellent mother: "Child, I don't want to urge you to struggle, I want you to see the back of an excellent mother who strives hard." "Children who grow up in this kind of back will not be bad."
In fact, I have no doubt about the diligence of Chinese women.
The labor force participation rate of Chinese women is the highest in the world, and the labor productivity of Chinese women is many times higher than that of Indian women. There is no shortage of hard-working mothers in China, but China lacks mothers who know how to show their children their efforts.
Most working moms either throw their children to the nanny, or to the older generation, or throw the children in the office to play with their mobile phones, as if the children have nothing to do with their work.
What I want to say in writing this article is that if you want to be a good mom, please let your child see your efforts, slackness, success, and frustration. Don't separate him from your life and then forcibly endow him with what he calls maternal love.
Truly great mother's love: let the child be good with himself.
You can involve your child in your work: be promoted, happy, and remember to celebrate with your child; leave, sad, or talk to your child appropriately. Let the child experience your growth and change, and in this growth and change, he can feel a lot of things.
Do not hide the so-called negative energy in front of the child: it is normal to encounter unhappy things, and it is normal to shed tears, and when you can control your emotions, it is appropriate to pass on negative emotions to the child. He will understand that life is sweet and sour.
Dare to admit your failures: Show not only your own successes, but also your failures. He will understand that winning and losing is normal.
Don't hide your desire for money: pass on your own view of money correctly.
QT is also the mother of a 4-year-old child. She often brings her children to work with herself, and she believes that her busy figure is more effective than saying to her children a hundred times, "You have to study hard."
The reader asks QT: "Will you feel guilty?" ”
QT said: "Actually, sometimes it will. But, in the late-night lights, my husband and I reached a little consensus: we work hard, we are optimistic, we love each other, our children, probably not too bad. ”
Yes, you work hard, you are optimistic, you show your child a positive back, you give your child a loving family, your child, not only will not be bad, it must be better.
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