How do you raise a "successful child"?
The so-called "successful children" are not "successes" in the secular sense, "make a lot of money", but when they were young, they achieved good grades, caused less trouble, did not let their parents worry too much, grew up to do some things to be proud of, and had a relatively smooth and happy life.
I think this is what all parents really want to do to their children.
Up to now, the scientific community has not yet had an authoritative and unified standard "formula" for raising "successful children".
However, a large number of psychologists have studied some factors that affect the growth of children through a large number of examples, and their conclusion is that most of the successful children are attributed to their parents.
Several well-known universities in the United States have summarized 10 common points for parents who raise successful children based on a large number of authoritative studies and shared them with everyone.
See how many you've done?
Teach math to kids very early
A meta-analysis of 35,000 preschoolers in the United States, the United Kingdom and Canada found that developing children's math skills early can be a huge advantage for children.
Greg Duncan, a researcher at Northwestern University in the United States, pointed out in the press: "The most important thing in the early (pre-school) mathematical skills development is to master numbers, number orders, and basic mathematical concepts. Children's mathematical ability can not only predict their future performance in mathematics, but also predict their reading ability in the future. ”
This may explain why elite private schools focus on mathematical achievements when selecting students.
Teach children social skills
Researchers from Pennsylvania State University and Duke University followed 700 kindergarten children from across the country until they were 25 years old. The 20-year study found that their success 20 years later correlated significantly with their social skills in kindergarten.
Studies have shown that children with strong social skills can cooperate with their friends without prompting, be helpful, understand the feelings of others, and be able to solve problems on their own.
At the age of 25, such children are more likely to get a college degree and find good jobs than those with weak social skills as children. People with low social skills are more likely to be arrested for crime and drink heavily.
"This study shows that helping children improve their social skills and emotional management skills is one of the most important things we can do to help them have a healthier future," the researchers said. ”
Let the child do the housework
"If the child doesn't wash the dishes, it means that someone washes them." Lythcott-Haims, dean of stanford's undergraduate freshman department, said in a TED talk.
"In addition to causing children to not have to work, they cannot understand that people have to work, and that everyone must contribute to the progress of the collective." "By doing housework — taking out the garbage, doing the laundry — the child realizes that he has to do something about life because it's part of life."
Lythcott-Haims believes that children who do housework from an early age will be better able to work with colleagues and empathize more in the future because they understand the difficulties of doing it themselves. In addition, they can complete tasks independently.
High expectations for children
The UCLA professor and his colleagues used survey data from 6,600 children born in 2001 to find that parents' expectations of their children have a large impact on their children's achievements.
"If parents have a clear goal for their child's future college, this will make the child work towards this goal, which has nothing to do with the parent's assets and income." He said in a statement.
The finding was made on a standard test: Only 56 percent of poor-performing students had high hopes from their parents to go to college, and 96 percent of the top-performing students were expected by their parents to go to college.
This is in line with the "expectation effect": what others expect of you will become a prophecy of your self-fulfillment. For children, they tend to meet their parents' expectations.
So, speak up about what you expect from your child, and high expectations will make them more motivated.
Good relationship with the spouse
A study by the University of Illinois in the United States showed that children whose parents often clashed (whether their parents were divorced or together) generally had a worse quality of life later on than children with good parental relations.
Robert Hughes, a professor in the Department of Human and Social Development at the University of Illinois, also noted that several studies have found that children who grow up in non-conflicting single-parent households have a better quality of life later on than children who grow up in conflicting two-parent families.
Hughes said that the conflict between parents before divorce can have a negative impact on the child, and the conflict after divorce can have a serious impact on the adjustment of the child's life. Young people whose parents are in frequent conflict are more likely to feel lost and regretful.
Receive a higher level of education
A study led by psychologists at the University of Michigan found that mothers who graduated from college were more likely to raise children who could achieve the same academic qualifications.
Psychologists at Bowling Green State University in Ohio have found that the level of education of parents can have a significant predictive effect on their children's educational and professional achievements after 40 years.
"Sensitive caregiver"
In a 2014 study of 243 children born into poor families, children who received "sensitive care" from their parents before the age of three not only did they do better academically, but also had healthier relationships and higher academic achievement as adults.
The report notes that a "sensitive caregiver" is when a parent is able to respond quickly and appropriately to a child's signals and provide a safe foundation for the child to explore the world.
Strong compressive resistance
The latest study in the Washington Post shows that for children aged 3 to 11, the amount of time spent with mothers will not affect the child's behavior, happiness and achievement, and "helicopter parents" and "maternal (father) love flooding" will have the opposite effect.
"The pressure of the mother, especially the pressure of the mother who is busy at work and tries to find time to spend with the child, can have a negative impact on the child."
Emotional contagion—the psychological phenomenon of emotions that contagiously spreads from person to person like a cold—explains this.
Studies have found that if your friend is happy, his positive energy can infect you; if he or she is sad, that dark feeling can also be contagious to other people.
So if the parent feels depressed or tired, this emotional state can be contagious to the child.
Therefore, parents are not anxious and are very important for their children!
Attach importance to hard work and are not afraid of failure
What factors do children think will lead to success? Their perception of success also influences future achievements.
Decades ago, Stanford psychologist Carol Devik discovered that children have two kinds of perceptions of success:
One is "fixed thinking", which believes that people's personality, intelligence and creativity are fixed and unchanging, that success is an affirmation of their own intelligence, and that the pursuit of success and avoidance of failure have become ways to make themselves feel smart and skilled.
The other is "growth thinking", people with this mentality will like challenges, will not think that failure is not smart enough, but will fail as a driving force for their own growth and improvement.
Your will affects your abilities, and the same is true for children.
If a child is told that he did well on the test because he was smart, then he can easily develop a "fixed mindset"; if you tell the child that his grades are good because of his efforts, this is teaching "growth thinking".
Mom went to work
According to research from Harvard Business School, mothers leaving home to work are good for their children's development.
The study found that mothers are working women, daughters will have higher education in the future, are more likely to take on managerial roles in the workplace, and make more money, earning 23% more than women whose mothers are stay-at-home moms.
The sons of working mothers will be more willing to do housework and child-rearing, spending an average of seven and a half hours a week with children and more than 25 minutes of housework.
Raising "successful children" is not driven away by "chicken babies" or whips.
There are countless factors affecting the growth of children, and parents are the most important factors.
Being a good parent, cultivating a warm and intimate parent-child relationship and letting children grow up in love and sunshine is a necessary condition for their future success.
How many of these 10 have in common? Let's talk in the comments section
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