"Everyone wants to leave their children with a better memory and a better self in their memories."
Stumbling across Time Magazine, I was suddenly swept away by the article's headline" "What can the children remember their parents after grow up?" (What can children remember about their parents when they grow up?) ) attract. Yeah, I never seem to think about that. When I first held that fleshy baby in my arms, when I cooked trivial things for him for countless days and nights to become a panda, when I quietly watched him fall asleep by the bedside, when I ran with him on the grass... When he grew up until he left me, until I was old... Finally, what can he remember about me?
Is it my advice, or my father's big truth; is it our gentle treatment, or is it strict discipline; is it a supervision of his learning, or a laughter when playing with him? To this end, Time Magazine has compiled 5 children's most memorable moments for us, and whether there is a shadow of themselves!
(Source |.) pexels.）
First, when you make him feel safe
TIME: Children will remember your peace of mind at the bedside after driving out the "monsters" for them, or embracing their peace of mind after a nightmare. But equally, remember when your temper becomes like a monster that worries them about fear.
In the child's world, there are always many things that make them feel afraid, such as the devil hiding in the darkness in the fantasy, the poisonous snake under the bed, the tiger in the cupboard; such as strange people, unfamiliar environments... These fears come from a sense of insecurity about the outside world.
So, when they show fear, don't blame or be impatient, such as children are afraid of thunder, don't simply throw a sentence, "Thunder is not terrible, cowards are afraid!" But in fact, the more this happens, the more frightened the child becomes. Of course, you can't be as scared as a child, hugging and crying or hiding in the crack of the door... Because, too provocative, not to explain.
At this time, the correct approach is to keep a calm mind, let the child know that there is a parent and not have to be afraid of anything. Or feel his feelings and tell him that his parents were as afraid of thunder as you were when they were young, and when they grew up, they were not afraid. If you are still a bully, it is better to give him a science about how thunder is formed, and how the lightning rod on the roof protects our safety... When he understood that thunder was just a natural phenomenon and that there were no dangers in those circumstances, the whole fear alarm was lifted!
And the most critical point is that the child has enough external fears to overcome, and you should stop turning into a monster from time to time to add to the atmosphere of fear. Remember, take a deep breath, peace, peace, peace again!
Second, when you give him all the attention
"Time": When you stop what you are doing, focus on talking to your child, or devote yourself to going out with him to play ball and jump on the trampoline, these will always be engraved in the child's heart.
In fact, this is what we often call high-quality companionship. Every parent thinks they love their child enough, work hard for him, work overtime, and play games with him when he is tired... But in the child's mind, maybe this is not the case.
I have seen countless times when parents and children are together, children playing on the side, adults on the phone or chatting with other people on the side, so that the child repeats a question repeatedly without responding. You know, the child is very smart, when accompanied by whether you are attentive and focused, he can see at a glance, and if we always accompany the child in a loose state, he will only feel your perfunctory and coping, rather than love and attention, how can you remember?
Think of the phrase "The greatest gift you can give someone is your time. Because when you give your time, you are giving a portion of your life that you will never get back.” The best gift you can give to someone else is your time. Because giving time is giving you a part of your life that you can never get back.
In fact, the child only hopes that the time that his parents spend with him can truly belong to himself, and you only have him in your eyes, and only you in his eyes, and enjoy this beautiful time of "body and mind together" with each other. So, put your mind aside for a moment, and share a good book, a good movie, a good meal, a game with your child... Feel your child's heart with your heart!
Three, when you are with your partner
"Time": Children will remember many details of their parents' relationship, whether it is intimate sweetness or quarrel.
Physiologically, half of the child comes from the father and half from the mother, so the greatest desire in his heart is the sense of belonging to connect with the parents, which goes beyond the desire for everything. Close your eyes and think about whether there is also a scene in your mind when your parents got along, whether this scene is a fierce quarrel or a loving anniversary, it is deeply imprinted in your heart and has a subtle and huge impact on you.
Psychologists say that if both husband and wife always talk about the shortcomings of the other half, then the child is more likely to develop these shortcomings. Because when you deny the other half, you are actually denying the child's inner other half, and he needs to connect with the parents in his heart, but the information about the father/mother is all negative, and of course he can only connect with this information.
Conversely, when we praise or respect each other's merits, the child will also connect in terms of good information. Blood is thicker than water, the relationship between the family can not be blocked, do not think that their and their partner's affairs are not related to the child's business, in fact, the relationship is big!
Fourth, your affirmation and criticism
"Time": Your affirmation or criticism of the child will deeply affect him, the child's heart is like cement, and the early impression will be solidified for a lifetime.
Do you often say this intentionally or unintentionally:
"My children are too naughty, or your girlfriend."
"Niu Niu is simply too stupid to learn everything slower than his classmates."
……
Maybe you, who used to pay less attention to this aspect, are now starting to be a little uneasy and anxious? Don't worry, why not start now, and think a little bit about it every time the words come to your lips! Remember that praise is an effective way for children to continue to work hard, and the purpose of criticism is to make children change their shortcomings, not repeat them later, and be able to do the right thing.
Fifth, your family traditions
Time: Kids love unexpected surprises, but they remember predictable, anticipatory family activities.
Speaking of family traditions, I am reminded of the book "This Is How Gates Was Trained" that I read some time ago, which has a special article on this issue, "I believe that family traditions can create a coherent atmosphere for children's lives, bring them a sense of belonging, and help them maintain their nature in a world full of unknowns and variables." No one knows what will happen next year or even tomorrow, but family traditions like milestones and monuments make tomorrow predictable and make our lives full and meaningful. ”
In fact, family traditions are not necessarily grand festivals, but they also require a certain sense of ceremony. It can be dinner at my grandmother's house every Sunday, an annual hike, a must-cook dish on Dad's birthday, and so on. And children's memories of these family traditions are beyond our imagination.
Our family started playing a homemade family game with our children at Christmas, but this year I forgot about it because of other arrangements, really forgot, at least I didn't think about it at all. But then one day the child suddenly said, "Ah! We didn't play that game this Christmas, it's a tradition in our family! "Look, it's such a firm memory!"
So don't underestimate the impact of family traditions on your child, at least, it will become one of his wonderful childhood memories, and it will also make him feel nostalgic when he grows up home.
Mo Yan said: "There are no naturally successful parents, and there are no parents who do not need to learn. "Did the 5 points brought to you today refresh your understanding of the child's memory points?" Don't say anything, if you ignore any points, quickly pay attention to it; if you have done it, then continue to work hard to do better. After all, we all want to leave our children with a better memory and a better self in their memories.