"You go away, I don't play with you!" When your child is rejected, your reaction will affect your child's life

The other day, I saw a group of children playing in the community, and a late child wanted to join, but he didn't dare to ask, so he asked the grandmother who was chatting next to him to help.

Grandma said: "If you want to play together, tell them, be bold, they will definitely agree." 」 ”

The child still did not dare, so grandma came out, "Let's play together?" "We'll do it right away, we don't need help!"

Grandma, who did not expect to be rejected, suddenly felt a little embarrassed, threw down a sentence of "We are not rare", and took the child home. But the child still looks back from time to time, a little reluctantly.

How should children cope when they are refused to play together?

Younger children, especially under the age of 6, refuse to let other children play with them, which is usually not a problem.

But this does not mean that parents can ignore the child's feelings, because the rejected child, the heart must be painful, depressed, if the parents do not give the correct guidance in time, will affect the child's future social skills.

So, what do we do?

Organize your own emotions and your child's emotions

Before seeing a parent's message, saying that he took his child to the park to play, saw a child playing seesaw, her child also wanted to play, so the parents encouraged the child to "apply" to join, but was rejected.

It is normal to be rejected, but the child in the back said a little ugly word, which made the parents a little angry, and they wanted to return the mouth but resisted, and quickly took the child to play somewhere else.

It is not uncommon for a situation like this to be rejected and to be said with ugly words, and it will be uncomfortable for anyone to change their hearts.

But what we need to know is that preschoolers aren't targeting anyone when they reject someone, and their reason for rejecting is often as simple as not liking the color of your clothes.

Therefore, do not be biased by the emotions caused by children's fairy tales, and ignore the key to solving problems, maintain peace of mind, in order to better deal with problems.

In addition, pay attention to your child's emotions and listen to his feelings. For whatever reason, when a child is rejected, he or she feels uncomfortable and even fears to associate with someone.

At this time, don't say something casually: "It's not a big deal, just find someone else to play." Instead of hugging him, trying to understand the child's emotions, asking the child: "That little friend rejected you, do you feel sad now?" "Or tell him something he's rejected and let the child know that this is just a very normal thing in an interpersonal relationship, not a malicious intention against him."

The turmoil between children is often very simple, so the first step requires us to face up to the sad emotions of accepting children and dilute the impact of negative emotions on children.

Let your child learn to understand the feelings of others

There is a sand pile specially for children to play in the community, and when the neighbor takes the child and takes the "excavator" to play, he is "occupied" by a small brother who arrives first. The child wanted to join, and the little brother kept saying, "You go away and don't play with you." The child suddenly fell into the arms of the neighbor with sadness.

After calming the child's mood, the neighbor asked, "What was that little brother doing when you wanted to join the sand play?" ”

Child: "He's playing with sand too." ”

Neighbor: "So if you have a good time playing with sand and other people want to play with you, will you?" ”

Child: "No. ”

Neighbor: "Then we can try to take your toy car to help the little brother dig sand, it will be faster." ”

The child accepts the neighbor's advice, tries to share his toys, and eventually plays with the little brother who rejects him.

In this process, the key to the child's ability to get the little brother's trust is to understand the feelings of the little brother and recognize the other party's unwillingness to play together After being rejected by the other party, the child does not grab or make trouble, but sincerely expresses his love for the sand, and is even willing to share his toy car.

In the end, the little brother saw that what he liked was recognized, his mentality was satisfied, and the addition of the toy car made the game more fun, and he gladly accepted the addition of others.

Look for multiple workarounds

This is at the heart of ICPS (Interpersonal Cognitive Problem Solving) in solving the problem of interpersonal cognition. In this process, we need to let the child understand that there is more than one way to solve a problem, and if the first solution does not work, then you can change your thinking.

Since the birth of the second "little wrongdoer", the family has not stopped. Two days ago to her house, when I entered the door, I only saw the two "little wrongdoers" playing mini racing in the living room, I just sat down, Xiao Bao wanted to play with Dabao, but was rejected by "ruthless", so I was sullen there. But this time, I was particularly impressed by my girlfriend's approach.

(1) Find out the key to the problem

Xiao Bao wanted to change the car, but Dabao didn't play enough and didn't want to change.

(2) Find multiple solutions

She first suggested that Xiaobao exchange other toys to divert Dabao's attention, but Dabao just wanted to play with the car, and the other toys were not attractive to him;

Subsequently, the girlfriend made a suggestion to let the children come to a race to see whose car was faster (to meet the children's demand for cars);

After a round trip, it is recommended that the two children change cars in the race once (starting another solution);

Let the two little ones compete again, the children's attention is diverted to the race, and the matter of changing cars can be discussed.

It should be noted that do not make decisions instead of children, but let children take the initiative to communicate, teach him to find solutions from multiple angles, divert children's attention, learn to identify key factors for effective communication, and finally solve problems.

It's a very common thing for children to be rejected, but if children are rejected frequently, they need special attention.

It is often seen that some children are themselves a small bully, often bullying other children and robbing other people's toys. When other children play together, as long as he is past, they will run away and not play with him.

If your child is often rejected, before you are wronged for your child, you need to reflect on whether there is anything bad about your child's usual words and deeds. Does the adult help the child to recognize and correct his problems?

Sometimes we are not aware of the problems existing in our children, and blindly consider the injustices of the outside world, which does not really help children grow.

The way to get along

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