Today, I heard a colleague tell me that other people's children are spoiled by their grandparents, but the situation in their own homes is diametrically opposite.
In life, I slowly reasoned with my child, and I wanted to rely on time to cultivate him, but I was reprimanded by the old man at home, saying that I would spoil my child like this.
Since then, colleagues have been very entangled in family education, what kind of things need to be discussed with the child, what things should be drawn for the child, and rules should be established?
In my opinion, coddling and love are completely two concepts, which does not mean that there is too much love for children, that is, coddling.
Motives for coddling
Not laying the most basic rules for the child, so that the child has no bottom line, as if he can get whatever he wants by crying, which is coddling.
I think that this kind of parent is not so much "loving" the child as "loving" the childhood that he has not been satisfied, and if time can be turned back, he must see a child who has been taught to say that "not crying is a good child".
Such parents seem to love their children, but in fact, through this way, they heal the child in their hearts, the self who has not been cared for and treated gently.
The type of coddling
1. Pleasing type
Once I went to dinner with a friend, the friend's young son made a noise in the chair and even climbed up to the table.
The friend also realized that something was wrong, and gently coaxed his son off the table and said, "Eat first, don't play", but the child did not take his mother's words seriously at all, and still played with himself.
Seeing that his son was indifferent, his friend complained: "The boy is too naughty at this age, but the relationship between my son and me is still relatively good, just like my friends, after all, I am not too strict with him in life." ”
In order to make their children happy, such parents are afraid that their children will not like themselves, and always want to get along with their children as friends.
2. Guilt type
A colleague rushed back to work on maternity leave, often chanting in his mouth that he was reluctant to put the child, every day before going to work the child would cry, and now that more than half a year has passed, the child still cries every day.
What bothered her even more was that she didn't know how to make rules for her children. What the child wants, as long as he cries, when the mother immediately softens his heart, the rules made for the child before are all gone.
She said that she couldn't see her child sad, and every time the child cried, she would feel guilty and feel that she should not go to work.
Guilt-type parents always feel that they owe their children in some way and want to make up for it by satisfying their children.
3. Control type
Friends take care of their children's lives every day, and the children in the family are 10 years old and live a life of clothing to reach out and eat to open their mouths.
My friend told me that she worked so hard because she wanted to live a better life, and she was particularly sad to see that her child's grades were not good.
This is a typical controlling "coddling", and we often hear words like this: "Why is Mom and Dad working so hard every day?" How can you treat us like this? ”
How to get out of the "pit" of doting
What does it mean to truly love children?
In fact, love is a kind of ability, and people who have the ability to love first need to love themselves, to make their hearts full and independent.
A big river never worries, and a little watering the stream will "flood", but there are only a few drops of water in the empty cup, and before pouring it out, it must be forward-looking and afraid to worry.
Pleasing parents, always remind ourselves that we have our own circles, our own friends, family, the future of the child is the same, we will encounter many friends in life, but the child will only have a father and mother, so the parents of proper discipline and guidance is necessary.
Guilty parents need to know that there are "individuals" before they can play other roles, and after having children, we just have one more parent identity, not to replace other roles.
Controlling parents, first get themselves smooth, and then talk about family education, think more about their own concerns, ask themselves "why", and dig the source.
Parents who are full of hearts, firm in their three views, and confident will never spoil their children. Coddling is not love too much, it's just that love is in the wrong direction.