I know the last mother's question: I have 4 children, and the children only listen to their grandparents. I hate children because of this, what should I do?
Looking closely at the description of the subject, I can't help but feel sorry for this mother. Let's call her Little Rain for the time being.
Of Xiaoyu's 4 children, the eldest 2 are twins, already 5 years old. The second and third children are two boys. The youngest child is now 1.5 years old.
The child's affairs are fully managed and controlled by the grandparents. As small as what hairstyle the child has, to how to educate the child, you have to listen to the grandparents.
Because the grandparents always protect the child, when Xiaoyu wants to educate the child, the child thinks that the mother is bullying him and complains to the grandfather.
Grandpa would scold His mother because of this, and Grandma would be next to him in a weird way.
The atmosphere of the whole home was feudal. Daughters-in-law cannot talk back to their elders. Therefore, Xiao Yu was very distressed and did not know what to do.
When I read this question, I can feel the depression and helplessness of the light rain.
Gave birth to 4 children, including a pair of twins. Women who have been pregnant know how much hardship and hardship it has gone through.
It is not easy for the child to be older and wants to help the child grow, but the child thinks that he is bullying him, and the mother has to pull out the cold in her heart.
What's even cooler is that the children and grandparents are closer. After feeling bullied, go to seek the protection of your grandparents.
The family environment is so feudal, resulting in the suppression and control of the in-laws who have the status of elders over Xiaoyu. It is difficult for Xiaoyu to have a voice, neither to educate children, nor to change the in-laws to indulge children.
It is really difficult to advance and retreat.
For the current impasse, it may be possible to break through these aspects.
01
Realize that children love their mothers
Actress Ni Hongjie also encountered the situation where the child was closer to her grandmother.
She had a bad marriage. When divorced, he had to give up custody of his son, and the son lived with his grandmother.
A year after the divorce, her relationship with her son was still very close.
But Grandma often stirs up the relationship between the child and Ni Hongjie.
Because the child and Ni Hongjie go out to eat, the yin and yang are weird, forcing the child to make a choice between the grandmother and the mother.
The child is very kind and takes care of the grandmother's mood, so he is forced to become more and more estranged from Ni Hongjie.
Ni Hongjie could not bear to force her son to choose between grandma and mother again.
So she took the gentle waiting method, constantly sending WeChat to contact her son and tell him that her mother loves you very much.
Keep in constant care for your son, waiting for a response.
The child's closeness to the mother is an instinct in the blood, and no one can stop it.
Ni Hongjie's patience and love also gave her son enough tolerance.
At the premiere of the movie "Love Myth" in which Ni Hongjie participated, the son came to the scene to support his mother. This not only shows his love for Ni Hongjie, but also shows his desire to be close to his mother.
Back to the situation that Light Rain faced. Children are still young and cannot distinguish between right and wrong. Whoever is most accustomed to him thinks who is best for him.
Moreover, after giving birth to 4 children in succession, the time and energy that the light rain can give the child is definitely limited.
This leads to grandparents and children getting along more, so it is understandable that children are more inclined to grandparents psychologically.
That doesn't mean they just want grandparents and not moms.
On the contrary, they may also be waiting silently, expecting his mother to give him time to accompany and care, and expecting to be closer to his mother.
Actor Huang Shengyi and eldest son Andy, the process from strangeness to closeness is like this.
Andy was raised mainly by his grandmother before he was 3 years old. When Huang Shengyi brought Andy to the show, it was obvious that the mother and son were very strange.
The snacks that Huang Shengyi bought did not have Andy's favorite food, and Andy refused to feed Huang Shengyi bread.
But as the time spent together increased, Andy began to be willing to communicate with her mother and help her do things.
Therefore, Xiaoyu can first change her own view of children. It is clear that the child loves his mother, but he is hindered by the interference of his grandparents and does not know how to express it to his mother.
As your mindset changes, so does the way you get along with your child.
02
Change the way children are educated
Xiaoyu educates children, and the reason why children think that they are bullying him is that the education method is inappropriate, and the children are very disgusted.
After the age of 2, the child enters the first rebellious period, and it is easy not to listen to the reasoning education.
Therefore, the way education is done needs to be changed. On the one hand, consider reverse guidance, on the other hand, the mother uses her own actions as an example.
Huang Shengyi shared a reverse guidance method for educating children.
For example, if you want your child to study well, she will not directly say, I am for your own good, you have to study well.
She said the opposite: You must not study, after reading, go to school, especially smart, especially powerful. Other children applaud you.
After such reverse guidance, it has aroused the child's motivation to learn.
In the face of children in the rebellious period, on the contrary, it may have a miraculous effect.
In addition, words are not as good as teaching by example. Integrate what you want your child to learn into your mother's actions, so that every time your child sees her mother, she is learning.
For example, if you want to develop the habit of reading, your mother can insist on reading books for a while every day. If you want your child to eat without leftovers, your mother can leave no food first.
Children will see it in their eyes and remember it in their hearts.
Although he may not do this now, when he goes to school, he will see what the school teachers do, and what other classmates do.
He will know that his mother is doing the right thing, and his mother is more worthy of his learning.
03
Take your child to play in a different way
In some families, the mother's control over the child's affairs is the protective umbrella in the eyes of the child.
The situation of the father, similar to the situation of light rain, has limited time with the child, and is not the person the child is most attached to.
But as long as the father wants to do it, there are ways to win the love of the child.
It's about doing what moms can't do. For example, lifting high, riding a big horse, taking sports, crazy play, etc.
Therefore, Xiao Yu can also take the child to do things that grandparents can't do.
Reading picture books, telling stories, making games, changing magic, etc., makes the time with children fun, and it is difficult for children to love you.
Ms. Du of Guangdong, when she took her one-year-old daughter for a walk, told everything in her eyes into a fairy tale scene.
For example, the small house in the distance is inhabited by 7 dwarfs, the reed grass is a magical magic wand, and the curved branches are the necklaces of the spring girl.
When she said this, Ms. Du was very happy, and her daughter felt her mother's happiness and was even happier.
If this is a grandparent walking a baby, it is most likely to be with the baby and others nagging.
Children must love to play with their mothers more.
Mothers can also add the right guidance they want to do to their children in their storytelling.
For example, if you do your own things and know how to share them, you can use the story of the protagonist in the picture book to tell your children.
Subtly let the child absorb it, but will not teach the child to cause disgust, killing two birds with one stone.
Convert your identity into your child's friend, take your child to play more fun, and make your children feel happy when they see their mothers. Then the child is more willing to listen to the mother.
04
Insist on self-improvement
Mothers who can continuously lead their children's positive growth will definitely insist on self-improvement.
As children grow up, they encounter problems such as academics, social interactions, and future development, and they need mothers who can give guidance.
This requires the mother to be psychologically mature, have a pattern, have experience, have a career, and preferably have money.
Many young people mentioned in their self-report posts that they preferred their mothers when they were young, but they liked their fathers more when they grew up.
Because, after years of workplace experience, Dad has a more thorough view of problems, can help children answers, and can provide more support in terms of money.
When the child grows up, it is indeed very realistic. This also gives us a wake-up call. In addition to accompanying children with heart, we must improve ourselves, not only for the children, but also for ourselves.
05
Listen to ugly words
Grandpa's rebuke and Grandma's yin and yang weirdness are difficult to change in the short term.
But to stop being influenced is imperative.
In the book "The Courage to Be Hated", it is mentioned that the subject is separated.
This means that what others say is someone else's subject, I can't control it, and I don't have to care.
How I do it is my own subject, and others have no right to interfere, and if I have to interfere, it will not control me.
The situation applied to Xiaoyu is that her in-laws' criticism of her is their own subject, and Xiaoyu can't control what they say.
Whether Xiaoyu did it right or not, and how to do it in the future, is her own subject, and has nothing to do with her in-laws.
No matter what they say, they can be the wind in their ears and cannot affect the behavior of the light rain.
Not afraid of criticism, not afraid of yin and yang weirdness. Whatever you want, I can do whatever I want.
Even if you hate me, it doesn't mean that I have no value in doing it.
I know that what I do is valuable, I know my own value, and other people love it.
It is indeed not easy to do, but if you want to stop being troubled by this, you must cultivate.
Slowly cultivate into such a fearless mentality, then other people will not be bothered by anything.
Marriage, can not get along with the in-laws. Parent-child relationship is a compulsory course for mothers.
Although the problems faced are always changing, do not change the recognition of yourself, do not change the love for your children, do not change your positive attitude, and do not change the action of self-improvement.
Then, the ability to solve problems and tide over difficulties, we will always have!