There are many parents, especially those whose children have reached adulthood and already have their own financial resources, have a common disease, that is, whenever their children pull out their wallets, they are not calm...
There is a middle-level manager of a Fortune 500 company who spent less than three hundred yuan on a domestic business trip to buy a souvenir for his mother as a gift.
Unexpectedly, when he returned home and gave the gift to his mother, the old mother immediately threw the gift aside and reprimanded her son fiercely, saying that he spent money indiscriminately, saying that he did not know that life was not easy...
You know, her son is a successful person in every way, and the value of this small gift is not enough for her son's salary for an hour. However, it is such a small gift of low value, even if you spend money indiscriminately, do you not know that life is not easy?
Although not everyone has the high income of the son, a hundred and ten dollar souvenirs and small gifts can be easily paid by most people. However, when children bring this souvenir and small gift to their parents, they are not praised or grateful, but accused of splitting their faces.
Why do these parents react this way? Usually, parents will have such reactions, all out of these kinds of psychology.
First of all, in the subconscious of many parents, their children are still the children of the year, holding the meager pocket money they gave back then, and they still live under their own protection. They are still living in the past, in the illusions they have woven for themselves subconsciously.
They cannot accept the fact that the child has grown up and is out of their control, and they cannot accept the fact that the child's economic strength is not inferior to their own, or even far stronger than themselves.
When the child's gift appears in front of them, in their eyes, this gift does not represent the child's kindness, let alone filial piety, but breaks the illusion they have woven for themselves, how can they not be angry? As for the content of accusations of spending money indiscriminately, it is actually secondary.
Second, some parents subconsciously believe that letting their children think they are living in misery can make them feel guilty about themselves and pay special attention to themselves. They tend to deliberately reduce their quality of life, such as eating completely unnecessary leftovers, wearing worn-out clothes, and even picking up bottles on the street for money.
However, in fact, whether it is their own pension, or the financial strength of the child, and the willingness of the child to spend money for the parents can guarantee them a much higher quality of life, but they deliberately stay away from this and keep the so-called "miserable".
This point is actually easy to confuse with those who are accustomed to living a simple life. Indeed, there are many elderly people who have long been accustomed to a simple life. But such old people are often willing, they do not feel how bad life is, but feel that it is already very good.
And those parents who deliberately cause their children to feel guilty will repeatedly emphasize in front of their children how bad they are and how they know how to sacrifice themselves. Therefore, children must be grateful to them, only to know how to be grateful, is filial piety.
If these parents receive gifts from their children, their rebukes often extend to how difficult it is for them and how the children have failed them.
In fact, many parents have realized that this behavior is not right. But they tend to slide to the other extreme, which is that no matter what the child buys for himself, he will receive it all according to the order, while praising how filial the child is and how much he thinks of his parents.
But no matter what kind of psychology, these reactions of parents reflect one point, that is, parents pay too much attention to their children.
In fact, many times, children buy things for their parents, often do not think of the "filial piety" layer. They simply think something looks good and their parents will love it. Or something that is very suitable for parents will improve the quality of life of parents to a certain extent.
Just like many times, parents buy things for their children, often not to express how to care for their children, but simply think that this thing is useful to their children, or the children will like it.
If these are elevated to the level of "filial piety" or "father's love, mother's love", it is too heavy. In the face of this heavy emotion, both parents and children will inevitably have a sense of depression. And this sense of repression is often the deep-seated cause of the estrangement between each other.
In fact, when your child pulls out his wallet, don't think so much, take it easy, isn't it?
What is the feedback that children want to get when they buy something for their parents? grateful? No, they just want to know if the newly bought clothes fit, the shoes don't fit, whether they look good or not, or whether the newly bought mobile phone parents use it smoothly, and the function is not suitable for parents... In short, do parents like what they buy?
As parents, when the child takes out his wallet and buys you something, no matter what it is, the parents do not need to express any gratitude to the child, do not have to praise how filial they are, and do not have to criticize. It may be better to shift your focus from the child to what the child buys.
For example, to see if this thing is good to use, how to use it, if you don't use it, let the child teach you, these will make each other more relaxed and casual, this ease and casualness will bring a stronger sense of comfort.
In fact, many times children are reluctant to get along with their parents because of the lack of this comfort.
If children feel that being with their parents can be easier and more casual, and can release the pressure of their usual savings, how can they deliberately stay away from their parents?
So, not only when you take out your wallet, as a parent, when you get along with your child, don't pay too much attention to your child, so that they can feel a more relaxed atmosphere, but it will make your child more willing to get along with your parents and visit your parents more.