Author: Yin Jianli
Source: Yin Jianli Parents Academy
Telling children with actions is far more than telling with words.
The great thinker Rousseau said that the three most useless methods of education in the world are: reasoning, temper tantrums, and deliberate touching.
But these three methods are precisely the most popular uses of many parents and teachers today.
Setting an example for your child is not only what you look like in front of outsiders, but more importantly, what you look like when you get along with your child - this is the most direct and effective teaching material, and what you teach your child is all written here.
When I was a child, I heard a story of "begging for food with a silver bowl in hand":
Three fathers often went to the temple to pray for their son's blessing, and the bodhisattva was touched for a long time.
One day they were invited by the bodhisattva at the same time, allowing them to choose one of the many treasures and return to give it to their son.
The first father picked a silver bowl studded with precious stones, the second father picked a carriage full of gold, and the third father picked a bow and arrow cast in iron.
The son who got the silver bowl was keen to eat and drink every day, the son who got the golden carriage liked to show off in the street market, and the son who got the bow and arrow hunted in the mountains all day.
Many years later, the three fathers died, and the son who loved to eat and drink sat in the mountains and ate the mountain, cut down the jewels on the bowl and sold them, and finally had to beg for food with a silver bowl;
The swaggering son peels some gold from the golden carriage every day and exchanges it for grain to live a hard life;
The son who can hunt has practiced a good hunting kung fu, often carrying the prey back, and the family has food and clothing.
This folktale has a profound moral.
As parents, it is unreliable if we leave our children with only some expendable wealth;
Only by leaving some productive wealth to children is it really responsible for them.
So today, what are the gifts we can give to our children to ensure their happiness and health for a lifetime?
01
First gift: Reading
Reading can shape a child's intelligence and quality.
I believe that although parents have different specific expectations for their children, there are also many things in common, that is, the children's health and happiness throughout life - this kind of big goal, through "education" can achieve:
The first gives the child good intelligence, and the second gives the child a good psychological quality.
There may be some innate differences in intelligence, but there is also a lot of room to shape intelligence.
The most important means of developing intelligence is reading, which has been confirmed by modern psychological research.
A person's level of intelligence is directly proportional to the amount of reading: reading broadens one's insights and allows one to acquire knowledge that goes beyond everyday life.
Soviet educator Sukhomlinsky said: "A child who does not read is a potentially poor student in learning." ”
This is an important conclusion he has drawn after years of research and observation in the front line of teaching.
Reading can shape not only a child's intelligence, but also a child's quality.
Any book, as long as it is a good book, is often full of feelings of truth, goodness and beauty, and its core values are also positive.
These things can have a subtle effect on the child.
A child who has experienced a rich life from reading, listened to many wisdoms, and shared countless thoughts will have more mature thoughts and a better life.
Many moral and conscious problems can, fundamentally speaking, be said to be intellectual problems: only with intelligence can there be the ability to think and reflect.
From this, we can also derive the third level of effect of reading - repairing psychological trauma.
Generally speaking, people have some kind of childhood psychological trauma, but the severity is different.
Both parents and teachers can inadvertently hurt us, and life and fate can be unfair to us.
Some people can overcome these injuries, and some people hurt in the shadows for a lifetime.
A person who has developed an interest in reading from an early age will have a better ability to self-medicate.
This is also based on the good intellectual and psychological aspects of the previously mentioned reading.
Of course, the function of reading cannot be strong enough to solve all educational problems.
Demolishing a house may require only a pickaxe, while building a house requires many tools and means.
The same is true of educating children, reading is very important, but it also needs other elements to cooperate.
02
The second gift is: freedom
Give your child the right to choose, to try, and to make mistakes.
By freedom, we are not talking about "laissez-faire" or "lawlessness."
Giving your child freedom is not about letting go of your child, but it means that you need to give your child "three rights": the right to choose, the right to try, and the right to make mistakes.
Afraid that the child will make a mistake, everything must be done by the child according to his own ideas, and once the child fails, he will blame it, such a parent, that is, a powerful parent, the more they "care and pay" for the child, the more they deprive their free will.
Freedom and respect are two sides of the same coin, and the whole society is talking about "respecting children", but there is a blind spot in the concept of "freedom", and respect has become an empty word.
The philosopher Fromm said: "Without respect, love can easily degenerate into domination and possession." ”
A child who is too much regulated loses the opportunity to explore and understand the world, and he loses the confidence to know and adjust to himself.
Only a person, first of all a free person, can become a self-conscious person.
Synonymous with freedom is not indulgence, but selectivity and judgment.
Those who are truly happy and happy are those who have truly gained freedom, and they know better where the boundaries of their actions lie.
And a lawless child's behavior is only indulgence, not freedom.
Indulgence is the consequence of repression, the failure of the function of choice.
Such a child is weak at heart because he has lost control of himself.
Whether children can be given freedom is a touchstone for whether adults can express love and quality education for children in a measured manner.
Only when adults first liberate their mentality and understand the value of free will in education can they give the priceless treasure of "freedom" to their children.
03
The third gift is: teaching by example
Parents' actions are more persuasive than words.
Many parents are very troubled, saying that when their children play with children, they always beat others, it is useless to be reasonable, and it is useless to beat them.
Some people also ask, how can we get rid of the bad temper of children?
In fact, these parents only see that their children are not, but they can't see that they have given their children a bad example of hitting people and losing their temper when they are angry.
And parents tell their children with actions far more than words.
How well the ancients said, "Words are not as good as teaching by example", these six words are known to everyone, but how many people will use this as a mirror to truly practice teaching by example?
Parents living in vanity cannot teach their children to be down-to-earth, and mean teachers cannot teach their children tolerance.
Setting an example for your child is not only what you look like in front of outsiders, but more importantly, what you look like when you get along with your child – this is the most direct and effective method of education: teaching by example.
▽ Whether urban or rural, poor or rich, high-ranking officials or commoners, you can give the best education to your children:
Cultivate children's interest in reading, give children the space to grow freely, and personally set a good example.
This is the wealth that every parent has the ability to give to their children, and it is also the most beautiful gift in their children's lives.
I believe that these three gifts can be afforded by every parent, aren't they?
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