Have you ever had such an experience: when the child was born, he felt that he was a little angel, how to see how good, and he was eager to kiss and hug and hold high all the time.
When the child grows up a little, we are happy that he grows up and gradually finds that the child has his own small world ideas, and begins to rebel against the authority of adults, and there are situations of "resisting" and even arguing with adults.
Gradually, the softness of being a mother became "gang ke gang", and when educating the child, there was no other way to calm the child except to use the roar and win with the absolute advantage of volume.
Yelling does have a good effect in the short term; for example, children refuse to sleep, eat irregularly, and the loud yelling of parents will have an immediate effect. Over time, many parents have made yelling at their children a must for parenting.
But I don't know if you have noticed that every time we yell at our children, they are often silent. Even if we later convert to soft-spoken communication, children are usually reluctant to respond, so why?
1
afraid
Intimidated by the high decibel and high authority of the parents' yelling, the child will often change from a playful state to a quiet state, and on the surface the yelling works, but in fact, the child just feels afraid.
When adults erupt emotionally, they are like flood beasts, and weak children cannot be overwhelmed. Pushing ourselves and others, when we were young and yelled at the rebuke of our parents, were our hearts also full of fear and uneasiness?
In the face of overwhelming attacks from parents, children often show that they dare not move, dare not speak, and dare not express emotions.
2
evade
Will your child keep his head down and cover his ears to avoid eye contact with you when he is yelling? This is a manifestation of their evasion, escaping the harsh voices and accusations of their parents, or perhaps fearing the current scene.
But often parents see the child making such a move, will mistakenly think that the child did not take what he said seriously, and even go over to pull out the child's hands and force him to accept his "yelling", this behavior will only deepen the child's fear.
Even if some children accept the yelling and do what their parents want, the parents will still not take back their emotions, but continue to count the children's not.
3
numbness
When we use the way of yelling to teach children to taste the sweetness, we will always use this method, but have the mothers found that at the beginning there is indeed an effect, and it does not work for a long time, so that we have to constantly increase the volume, increase the mood and even get started, and the child will be obedient.
In fact, this shows that the child has gradually become numb, and the brain has begun to adapt.
And when children are used to being yelled at, the relationship with their parents will be alienated when they grow up, and the two sides will be easily emotional when communicating in the future, and they will not be able to communicate calmly.
4
How parents manage emotions
Don't yell at your child?
Look at it from another angle. Parents in the process of raising their children because they feel that the child's behavior is very childish or dangerous, want to reverse and stop in time, the emotions will inevitably get out of control, then we may wish to think about it from another angle, is the child's behavior really too unacceptable, or do we think that the child should do things according to the will of the parents?
The growth of children is a spiral process that requires us to give more patience. For example, when children keep crying in order to buy toys, we may wish to wait, give more time and patience, and wait for both sides to have a good chat after their emotions have settled.
Learn to adjust your mood. Guo Furong in "The Tale of Wulin" has a classic line: "The world is so beautiful, but I am so grumpy, so bad, so bad." ”
Whenever we emotionally want to yell at our children, we may wish to use this sentence to remind ourselves and calm ourselves down. Or give yourself an emotional outlet, such as taking a hot shower, yelling at the sky to release the pressure, and so on.
In short, give yourself a buffer period before yelling at your child, think about the consequences of yelling, and adjust your emotions to better educate your child.
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