This is the 453rd issue of Xiaowen Youyou to share
Let's start with our story:
My wife, Ms. Xiaomin (hereinafter referred to as Ms. Xiaomin), met through the Internet in 2018.
At that time, I shared my learning and life insights on the public account.
One of my clients shared my article with her circle of friends.
I happened to be seen by Teacher Xiaomin, and then she left a message through the background of the public account, linked with me, and added WeChat.
Through a period of understanding, we have been together for almost 4 years so far.
In fact, like most couples or couples, we will also have times when we argue because of different views.
There will also be times when you get angry about who to go back to for the New Year, and there will be times when you answer the phone in time and ignore the other party.
Of course, we will also encounter as many couples as you get along, so I won't list them all here.
Because of the bittersweet and bittersweet in the process of getting along with husband and wife, you will only understand the helplessness in it if you have experienced it.
However, today I don't want to complain to you, but I want to share with you how to improve the relationship between husband and wife through effective methods, and slowly become more frequent and loving topics.
Today I would like to share with you 3 points:
01 Effective communication, there must be a solution to everything
Most of the problems in the relationship between husband and wife are poor communication problems.
We started out the same way, there was a very small thing, I think it's nothing, but the other person wants me to make it clear to her.
However, the other party did not say, hoping that I could take the initiative to communicate, and the result I did not know.
Then the other party, inexplicably angry, do not know if you have encountered such a situation?
In fact, this is obviously the difference in communication habits between the two sides.
Women want men to take the initiative to communicate, and men want women to express their needs directly.
How did we solve this problem?
As a man, you must take the initiative to communicate, you have to tell the woman, I want to be what you want, but the premise is that I want to know what you want.
Later, if you have any needs, you can tell me directly, so that I will try to do it, can I?
As a woman, it is important to understand that the man is not a roundworm in your stomach, and most of the time, he can't guess what you want at all.
If you want the other person to be the way you want to be, the best way is to tell the other person what you want, the more specific the better.
Can be asked directly, this one works better than a tantrum, believe me, really.
We have a communication habit, every day before going to bed, we will communicate for about 30 minutes, exchanging our thoughts for the day with each other.
This is a process of mutual understanding, and only by fully communicating can we understand each other better.
I believe that everything can be solved by communication, unless, you don't want to solve this problem with the other person.
02 Keep learning is the best way to keep learning at the same frequency
After coming out of school, do you still have the habit of learning?
In fact, many couples have a bad relationship, in addition to less communication, there is also a very important reason is to learn less.
You and each other are two people from different families, different values, different individuals.
There will be contradictions when combined, and at this time, it is necessary to continue to learn, slowly find the same channel, and achieve a balance.
Keeping learning is the best way to co-frequency.
Of course, the best way is to learn the same content together.
Teacher Min and I usually have the habit of studying together, and the most common thing is to listen to books together.
Every time you listen to a book, you can learn different points of view and then share them with each other.
In this process, we are able to understand the differences in each other's values and ways of thinking, so that we can better cope.
You have to remember such a sentence, if you want husband and wife to be in the same heart, first achieve husband and wife practice together.
The so-called husband and wife practice together is to learn together, constantly correct themselves, bad habits, and develop good habits together.
So far, we have developed the habit of going to bed early and getting up early, working out together, reading together, writing together, etc.
And all of this is brought about by continuous learning.
Therefore, keeping learning is the best way to keep learning at the same frequency.
03 Appreciate each other and keep your love fresh
Think back to what was the reason the two of you were able to be together in the first place?
I've asked many couples, and without exception this answer:
Appreciate each other
However, over time, we slowly discover that the other party not only has advantages, but also has many shortcomings
And human nature is the habitual way to look bad, that is, to find shortcomings
The reason for this is because in primitive society, human beings live every day in fear, and if they are not careful, they will be eaten by wild beasts.
Therefore, people will habitually look at bad aspects, because only in this way can they survive
And this habit has been preserved from primitive society to the present, and behind this is actually this self-protection mechanism at work
When you understand this principle, you will understand that the other party is looking for your shortcomings, in fact, there is a sense of insecurity at work, in self-protection, so that understanding, your mood will be much better
In this way, we maintain mutual appreciation, and our method is to find good things that the other person has done every day and praise them freely
When you exaggerate too much, the other party will slowly become what you want
Because, everyone aspires to be a better version of themselves
Therefore, it is important to maintain the original intention of mutual appreciation with each other.
Isn't it more than worth the loss that you and the other person are together because they appreciate each other, but they are separated because they dislike each other?
Because, you have to believe that in the relationship between husband and wife, there is a solution to everything.