"Why do we always keep teaching the same mistakes?"
"You promise, why..."
"How is this always the case?"
Isn't that familiar? It is estimated that it has become a mantra for many parents, and every time they educate their children, they can't help but blurt it out.
Thinking that "turning over old accounts" can make children realize their mistakes is a big mistake. It can be understood that the parents' "grumpy" mood at this time, feel that simple mistakes, children make mistakes again and again, some are difficult to accept. But "turning over old accounts" is not a rational approach, but will push the child farther and farther away.
In the minds of parents, the purpose of turning over old accounts is to strengthen children's memories and let them recognize mistakes again. But the result is contrary to the parents' ideas, why is this? To put it simply: turning over old accounts is like revealing scars, always taking children to remember the past, never seeing the future.
Turning over old accounts for a long time will only make children feel that they are stupid, and the same mistakes are made again and again, as if they will never learn the right way. I would like to ask: Is this the result of the education that parents want? In the end, the child's inner chagrin and irritability are getting deeper and deeper, either automatically blocking the parents' education, or giving up on themselves.
Turning over old accounts will bring these harms to children, and parents should not believe it
Harm one: destroy the parent-child relationship
If parents like to turn over old accounts, the relationship between parents and children must be in the depths of the water. Parents should understand that on the road to growth, it is normal for children to make mistakes, and it is also an experience in life. But if parents keep comparing these mistakes and repeatedly stating them, they will only deepen the child's rebellious psychology, and the mistakes may be more.
The parent-child relationship is tense, and the child's future development will certainly not be particularly good. Especially in junior high school, when they have the ability to resist, they will give their parents a blow in the head.
Injury two: affects mental health
Parents' behavior of turning over old accounts, like labeling, will give children great psychological cues. However, it is not the positive energy that parents want, but the negative hints. In the long run, the child can only see where he is wrong, but he can not find the wrong place.
These past mistakes are like heavy shackles that overwhelm the child. From the initial depression to the later inferiority, the child goes farther and farther on the road of self-abandonment.
Just want to say: no matter how good a child is, they are afraid of their parents endlessly turning over old accounts. This is to tell the child again: the mistakes that have been turned over, you can never correct.
Always believe: "Excellent children are exaggerated by their parents." Therefore, for the sake of their children's tomorrow, please put away the behavior of "turning over old accounts" and do not make mistakes again and again.
Instead of constantly turning over old accounts, it is better to try these educational methods, and there will be different surprises
1. At any time, please discuss things as they are
The old man always said: Look forward. This is to tell everyone that the past has already happened, whether right or wrong, it does not mean much. It is better to look forward, because tomorrow there are still infinite possibilities. Therefore, when educating children, please learn to talk about things and never mention past mistakes.
In fact, the wrong things that have been done, children remember, even more clearly than adults, there is really no need to remind them. On the contrary, for the immediate mistakes, it is easier to resonate with the children and let them actively cooperate with the correction.
Warm reminder: No matter when you educate your children, please protect their self-esteem in no-man's land, and do not make a big publicity.
2, tension is measured, reward and punishment are two-pronged
Why is it that the same mistakes are always difficult for children to correct? In the final analysis, it is still related to the daily education of parents. Blindly turning over old accounts will only blame children for their bad places, but forget their excellent places. Therefore, on the road of education, we must be relaxed and measured, and while punishing, we must not forget to reward.
Anything, even if the final result is wrong, I believe that there is something right in the middle. Therefore, parents are asked to learn to observe, dig out the excellent places of their children, give them better affirmation, and stimulate their positive and continuous correction psychology.
Warm reminder: It is useless to pay attention to the child's mistakes, and the affirmation and encouragement of parents is the best motivation for them.
3. Be patient and comforting, and give your child a loving hug
Most children will be particularly nervous after making mistakes, for fear of being reprimanded and punished by their parents. It is just a matter of taking advantage of this psychology to give children more comfort and let them know that making mistakes is not terrible, and the important thing is to correct them. In addition to the encouragement of language, you can also give your child a hug and let him feel the power of parents.
It is no exaggeration to say that most children make mistakes and parents are also responsible. That being the case, it is a shared responsibility for both parties to correct all mistakes in the name of love.
Warm reminder: The hug of parents will heal the child's tension and fear, so that they can move forward as always.
Written in the end: From now on, let the act of "turning over old accounts" become the secret in the hearts of parents. Criticism may make children reflect on the past, but it is difficult to urge them to change.