Love to say
The difference between encouraging children and praising children: 1, encouragement is unconditional acceptance of children, praise is conditional acceptance of children 2, encourage reinforcement of internal evaluation, praise to strengthen external evaluation 3, encourage to enhance the child's self-drive, praise to strengthen the child's external drive 4, encourage to value the process, praise to value the results 5, success or failure can be encouraged, praise for success 6, the basis of encouragement is the child's uniqueness, praise is based on mutual comparison 7, encouragement reflects respect and equality, promotes children's independence, praise is mostly manifested as status inequality, Easy to make children form dependence 8, encourage children to feel a sense of belonging, praise to strengthen personal awareness.
Remarks: The following content is shared by the teachers of the College of Quasi-Mention, and the Love Language Psychology Column is sorted out!
Teacher Liu:
Imagine a scenario where people are crossing a rushing river with no boats and no bridges on it.
People decided to build boats first and then cross the river!
But strangely, people have not crossed the river for a long time. Their boats grew bigger and bigger, but they forgot to cross the river; either they had to be built to the most luxurious, or the strongest to cross the river.... The result is that shipbuilding is not about crossing the river, and shipbuilding has become a goal.
In real life, there are many people who are like this, starting to think about what to do, but in the process of doing things, they lose their goals a little bit and spend time on trivial things.
In our childhood, in order to adapt to the rhythm of nurturing (parents or other nurturers), children may become faster in everything. He didn't understand why this was the case, he was anxious and anxious, but he was worried that if he didn't hurry, his parents would be anxious and would not like him.
In order to adapt to the rhythm of our parents, get the approval and appeasement of our parents, we have to appear "hurry up" behavior. Gradually, we forgot the original intention of "hurrying up" and became that I was an acute child, I couldn't slow down, and I was anxious when I saw others doing things slowly.
When we grow up, we still turn the original survival tool "to hurry" into our own goal, and forget what the original "hurry" is for. This is also the beginning of the article said that shipbuilding was originally to cross the river, but in the end it became shipbuilding for shipbuilding.
When a person forgets the original goal of the driving force and becomes the goal itself, it will bring all kinds of problems to our lives.
For example, people who often enter the driving force of "hurry up", he will lose everything, do things frizzily, always can't stop, appear busy and busy, and so on. This characteristic will also be passed on to children, become heirlooms, and pass them on from generation to generation. From the perspective of the body, people who are fast in everything, their blood pressure is not very good, and serious problems will induce other physical and mental diseases.
Therefore, whether it is for self-interest or altruism, we should find ways to adjust, improve ourselves, and optimize the family.
So how should we improve?
For our driving force, the first thing to do is that we still have to give ourselves the corresponding permission.
For example, the "hurry" person is not that he does not want to slow down, he is not licensed. There was a voice in his heart that was always saying to him: Hurry, hurry, hurry up.
But if he had done all these things, he didn't know what else to do, so he had to keep looking for things to do. What exactly is this license? Allow yourself to walk fast or slow, do fast or slow, parents will think that they are good, and they will think that they are good.
You have to be aware that when you are young, you do fast, and your parents will think that you are good. Slowly you think that as long as you do it fast, you will get praise. But is this what the current situation requires? It's up to you to judge. The key is to believe that it is good to do it slowly.
From another point of view, maybe your parents really think it's good to be fast. But now that you're older, not all people are your parents, so whether it's fast or slow isn't a must, it's a choice you have.
If you have the driving force of "hurry up", the above passage can be read often, and gradually you will put this down, and gradually you can really reach the time when you do different things in front of different people, you should be fast, you should be slow.
As mentioned above, the driving force will make our body conform to our habits, and "hurrying up" will make the heart beat faster and faster, and the blood pressure will get higher and higher, which is not good.
Second, the practitioners of the academy can develop the habit of making plans.
Write a morning diary every morning, daily plans, weekly plans can be written. In this way, you can live and work according to the plan, you should be fast, and if you should not be fast, you can slow down. In this way, "hurry up" can be adjusted quickly and slowly.
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