"I have to have self-confidence before I can do something important," which turned out to be a misconception.
One might say that this is impossible.
He may say that the winter Olympic ski champions Gu Ailing and Su Yiming must have started practicing skiing because they were very confident, and finally won the Winter Olympic Championship.
I don't think so, I think their self-confidence is also after paying for action, skiing skills continue to improve, and gradually produce a sense of self-confidence.
That is, confident behavior must precede feelings of self-confidence.
Why? Let's take a closer look:
In life, you will definitely have the experience of blaming yourself for not being confident, and being upset because of your lack of confidence;
Nervousness and anxiety before taking a race or exam, negative thoughts such as "I will fail, I can't do it, I can't do it, I don't dare" and so on.
This is what we call no self-confidence. So why is this happening?
This phenomenon, we need to start from the evolution of human thinking.
100,000 years ago, human beings lived in nature and often encountered attacks from ferocious animals such as wolves, saber-toothed tigers, and bears;
Also faced by hostile tribes, unfriendly neighbors;
There are also natural disasters such as avalanches and volcanoes, and painful and violent deaths can occur at any time.
If human beings want to survive, they must always be vigilant and always prepare for the worst.
So until now our brains still have doubts, worries, worries and fears of failure, and have the worst intentions, which is a by-product of the normal evolutionary process of the human brain.
That is to say, negative thinking is the result of the evolution of the human brain.
When everyone is in danger, the body releases a large amount of adrenaline, the response accelerates, the muscles tighten, and the attention becomes sharp, which is called the battle and flight reaction in psychology.
When everyone leaves their comfort zone or faces any challenge, they will experience a battle and flight reaction, and there will also be negative thoughts such as doubt, worry, and fear, which are normal phenomena.
That is to say, when we start to do any thing, we have negative thoughts, feel that we can't do it, will fail, have a sense of fear, nervousness, etc., which is a normal thing.
It is precisely because everyone will have these negative thoughts, so there will be people in life specifically to cultivate self-confidence, have carried out a lot of self-confidence training, but in the end feel that self-confidence is only temporary, and after a few days this feeling disappears again.
So how do we build lasting confidence?
First, we need to learn to deal with these negative thoughts correctly.
We already know that people have no problem with negative thinking in nature.
But when we are completely involved in it and let it control us, or when we fight with it, negative thinking causes us problems, and there is a technical term here called fusion, that is, when you merge with negative thoughts, you will be controlled by negative thoughts;
If you don't merge with negative thinking, this technical term is called dissociation, that is to say, in your brain, negative thinking is negative thinking, you don't pay attention to it, (this is certainly not something that can be done in a day or two, open the psychology book, there are many ways to dissociate, I will not elaborate here).
Make sure to leave a little space in your brain for negative thoughts to exist, but don't let it control us.
Second, focus on doing what you want to do. As you focus on doing what you want to do, continue to pay attention to how you feel, and when you make progress, see if your feelings are better.
When we overcome negative beliefs and take action again and again, the experience of success helps us build confidence again and again.
Dr. Harris, author of the million-selling book "The Trap of Confidence," says in the book that "confident behavior precedes feelings of self-confidence, not the psychological feeling of self-confidence before you can have confident performance."
Do you still think that Gu Ailing and Su Yiming, who won the ski championship at the Winter Olympics, first had self-confidence to practice?
No, they have been practicing skiing since they were young, and when they first started practicing, they must have been unconfident, but because they kept practicing, the skill level of skiing continued to improve, and the experience helped them accumulate self-confidence again and again.
Dong Qing, a famous host, said: "I always believe that every book I have read will not be read in vain, and it will always help me perform better on some occasion in the future."
Everyone can see that she stands on the stage so elegant, calm, and confident, which is definitely not because of her short-term efforts, but because she has worked hard for many years.
So we have to believe that confident behavior precedes confident feelings.
It is precisely because some people adhere to the wrong rules that they are firmly trapped in the "trap of self-confidence", mistakenly believing that "I must have confidence before doing important things".
If you think you wait until you have a feeling of confidence and then start doing what you want to do, then you're likely to wait because confidence doesn't magically bubble up.
In addition, there is no one in the world who lacks self-confidence in all things.
In fact, everyone has a confident side and a non-confident side.
For example, this child is the first in the class every time he takes a test in school, and he is very confident in this subject.
But his art grades are very bad, and he does not like to study art, then he will not be confident in learning art.
There is also this person who is a musician, he is very confident in music, of course, this confidence is also accumulated after years of hard work.
But he never reads books on literature, and he is not confident in literature.
Therefore, a person's lack of self-confidence refers to a lack of self-confidence in certain areas.
Parents want to cultivate their children's self-confidence, but also from a certain field to cultivate.
