"Mom, I want to play a little longer, okay?"
The daughter played with her mobile phone, obviously said to watch an episode of animation, but when she arrived, she began to beg, saying that she wanted to play for a while. Looking at her pitiful look, I couldn't bear to forcibly take away the phone.
Children play lai, this situation I believe many parents have encountered.
I read the psychology book "Child Challenge" and realized that children breaking the rules are actually challenging the bottom line of their parents.
If the parents retreat step by step, the child will break the rules little by little, and in the end, he may not obey the rules set by the parents.
The different ways parents deal with it will determine the child's different life. There are two kinds of answers, which hurt the child the most.
One: Two kinds of answers, the most hurtful to the child
Concessions compromise
Obviously, he said one thing, but the child frequently broke the rules and asked to play for a while. As a parent, even if you know that it is wrong to agree to your child's request, but looking at the child's tearful eyes, you can't help but shake your heart and finally make concessions.
Children are clever ghosts, and once he succeeds, he understands a truth: as long as he does not cry, he can not obey the rules.
This time is playing with mobile phones, the next time is not to sleep on time, and the next time is that his parents say that he has to "talk about conditions". You will feel more and more that you can't control your children, and he won't listen to anything you say.
The occurrence of such a situation is actually caused by our repeated compromises and concessions. Children know that they can touch their parents' bottom line again and again, and violate the rules again and again.
Such a child will become very willful, as long as he cries, he can act according to his own ideas. Children who are self-centered and have no sense of rules will suffer great losses when they enter society in the future.
Just say "no"
Since you can't compromise, can you just say "no"?
There is a mother next to me who has always complained to me that her son has the habit of "stealing" money. The change she kept in the cupboard was always missing for no reason. At first, she thought it was strange, but later found out that it was her son who secretly took it and spent it.
Later, when I asked the child, I learned that every time my son made a request, she felt that it was unreasonable and directly refused. Later, the child understood that when she asked her mother, she always said "no."
The child does not ask for it but "thinks of another way". Children not only steal change, but also often lie, just to avoid being tracked down by adults.
The mother sighed: Connivance is not right, rejection is not right, how should this child be managed?
In psychology, there is a word called "unfinished complex". It refers to the fact that if a person has one thing that has not been completed, it will always bother him in his heart and prompt him to continue to do it.
The child is also, if he wants to do something and is directly rejected by his parents, then the interrupted thing will become an "unfinished complex" that has been bothering him.
It's like when we listen to a story of ups and downs, and we're listening to it, and suddenly we're not going to listen. At this time, we will be very uncomfortable and still want to continue to listen.
Since compromise doesn't work, and direct rejection doesn't work, what should we do?
Three: A few tips
"Child Challenge" has a few tips for parents when talking about the rules, we may wish to take a look at it together.
●Consult with your child in advance
For example, when a child plays with a mobile phone, we can discuss with him in advance, what content to watch, and how long to watch. My daughter watched Peppa Pig, and I told her that I could only watch 3 episodes, and I had to give it back to me when the point came.
I would also ask her what if she wanted to continue watching 3 episodes and didn't want to return the phone to me. She would come up with a plan to prevent something like that from happening, like not being able to watch it for a week.
It was her own solution, and we agreed, not that I forced her to do it. In this way, she will be more willing to restrain her behavior and improve self-control.
● Advance reminder
To prevent the child from being too engaged, we can remind you a few minutes in advance. For example, tv with the child for an appointment to watch for a long time, it is almost time, we remind him in advance.
He can be mentally prepared and consciously pull himself out of the TELEVISION. In this way, he will not be dissatisfied with the sudden interruption.
● Options available
After we let the child follow the rules, if he still has emotions, that can provide a choice to divert his attention. This choice is best to give him a sense of value.
For example, you can say, "I'm going to buy vegetables later, do you want to do your homework at home, or do you want to help me choose vegetables?"
Children are more willing to go out and walk around than to do homework, and helping to do things will give them a sense of value and accomplishment, so as to get rid of negative emotions.
A small thing that seems like "I want to play a little more" hides so much psychological knowledge. And our different response methods are actually shaping the different personalities of children.
If you want to cultivate children with better personalities, click to follow, and we will read some child psychology together
【Picture from the Internet, invasion and deletion】
I am Youzi's father, there is a "little devil" in the family, I grew up with her, like it to pay attention to it~