Text | Xu kitten
As a mother with daughters and a family who has seen too many girls, I've summarized 4 common misconceptions about raising girls. These 4 misunderstandings, each is a pit, I hope you don't step on it!
Myth 1: Only buy "girl toys" for girls
When my daughter was born, my husband and I bought her a lot of little pink dresses and beautiful Barbie dolls. Watching her play with it, her eyes full of small stars, our hearts are sweeter than honey.
It wasn't until a friend who was a college professor reminded us that we must buy a variety of toys, otherwise it would limit the development of our daughter, that we realized the problem.
Yes, a girl does not necessarily have to be a princess, she can be a scientist or an engineer, she can win the Olympic championship, and she can also go to space to "pick stars".
Just like Yang Qian, she has interpreted the beauty of girls from roadside stalls playing balloons to win toys, to Tsinghua Xueba and Olympic champions.
Just like Wang Yaping, she became a pilot at the age of 21, entered the space lecture at the age of 33, and became an astronaut again at the age of 41, writing about the beauty of the girl's transcendence.
They prove a truth with their own words and deeds, not limited to the rules and regulations defined by others, the growth of girls can be rich and diverse.
In the cognition of many parents, it is always felt that girls should play Barbie dolls, and boys should play with Lego and bricks. As everyone knows, what toys to choose for children affects not only their current happiness, but even their future life.
An American study proved that if girls only play with toys that are biased toward girls, such as playing Barbie dolls, they often think that their future career opportunities are not as good as boys, while little girls who play with neutral toys believe that they have more possibilities in the future.
The choice of toys and the preference for clothes all represent the true thoughts of a girl in her heart, hiding the way they aspire to be.
Myth two: only materially enriching daughters
Remember Liu Siqi in "Metamorphometer"?
Her parents uphold the concept of "rich daughter", regard her as a pearl in the palm of their hands, no matter what luxury goods she wants to buy, no matter how much she spends, her parents will fulfill her wishes.
Long-term, excessive doting, Liu Siqi has become a "giant baby", 16 years old will not be able to dress and eat by themselves, bathing must let the nanny help.
Fortunately, both her parents and herself realized the seriousness of the problem.
Later, Liu Siqi offered to study in France. Abroad, Liu Siqi completely got rid of her dependence on her parents and learned to be independent little by little. After returning home, she signed a contract with a studio and became a real costume designer.
Looking back, she said: "I love the current state of designing clothes and living on my own ability. ”
Only materially enriching her daughter will inevitably make her indulge in barbarism.
And in the spirit of prosperity, will make the daughter shine.
As the writer Wang Shuo said to his daughter:
"You have to be rich inside to get rid of these superficial similarities. Making soup is more important than writing poetry, your craft is more important than men, and being strong inside is more important than an asshole. ”
Therefore, please be sure to understand the connotation of "rich daughter". True enrichment is not material coddling, but true enrichment should be:
Nourish her eyes. Take your daughter out to see more, understand the richness and vastness of the world, explore the logical laws behind things, and when the daughter sees more and thinks more, she will precipitate a wisdom and self-confidence in her bones.
Nourish her heart. Give your daughter more companionship and encouragement, so that her daughter has a full sense of security, and at the same time teach the power to deal with the chaotic world, when the daughter has love in her heart and the ability to make a living in her hands, she can create a rich spiritual world and not be afraid of the difficulties ahead.
Myth three: reluctant to let her daughter suffer a little
Girlfriends said that the husband hurt his 5-year-old daughter so much that he was doting.
His daughter learned to dance, and she cried after a little split, and he immediately took her daughter home: "Don't learn, baby is not subject to this sin." ”
His daughter practiced running, and after only 5 laps, she refused to insist, and he immediately coaxed and hugged: "Let's go home and rest, and come back tomorrow." ”
The girlfriend said that her husband would hurt her daughter in this way, but she did not expect her husband to have a word: "If it is a son, I will cultivate it fiercely, but she is a daughter, as long as she is happy." ”
Unfortunately, such cases are not uncommon.
In fact, regardless of boys and girls, the pressure they face when they grow up is the same, and even, in some ways, girls will face more difficulties.
As the book Raising Girls says, "Girls' living spaces are becoming more complex and dangerous, and their present and future are destined to be richer and more difficult than ours." ”
On the road to growth, there are pains, there are injuries, and there are many injustices.
Since parents cannot clear all obstacles for their daughters, they must teach them to learn to persevere and be brave, only in this way can their daughters calmly face all the difficulties in the world.
Just like Dong Qing. From the host to the producer, she turned gorgeously again and again, winning the love of countless audiences.
Talking about her own growth, Dong Qing is very grateful to her father's strict requirements.
Recalling the past, Dong Qing said:
"Now, I find a lot of things that I can still grit my teeth to persevere. It was the father who made me a strong child at heart. ”
Myth Four: Teach her only obedience and kindness
Parents often hear parents say to their daughters, "You must be obedient, obedient, and sensible." ”
These parents probably did not think that they originally only hoped to use "obedience" and "kindness" to avoid their daughter's sharp edge, so that their daughter would be more liked and smoother in life, but they did not know, but they personally put "shackles" on their daughters.
Writer Li Xiaoyi has shared her own story.
Her parents were very traditional and demanded that she be well-behaved and quiet, and could not take the initiative to express her thoughts, otherwise she would appear too aggressive. As a result, Li Xiaoyi has long been accustomed to silent acceptance and friendly understanding.
After entering the workplace, because she did not know how to refuse, everyone in the company threw the chores to her, and under long-term high pressure, she fell ill.
What the boss said to her can be described as an empowerment:
"People are all Strong, you need to show your sharpness and self-confidence, you have to boldly express your needs, decisively refuse unreasonable requests, so that people respect and appreciate."
If your posture is too low, others will not think that you are kind, but will only think that you are a bully. You have to remember that girls have to be a little aggressive. ”
Since then, Li Xiaoyi has begun to change, facing malicious provocations and groundless demands, directly retreating, living freely and freely.
With a kind heart, but with a sharp edge, such a girl can truly protect herself and gain the respect of others from the heart.
When parents educate their daughters, they must remember not to be too obedient.
Allow her to be willful occasionally, and if she wants to chase dreams, she can't care too much about external voices and eyes;
Allow her to resist, and the girl who dares to express her thoughts from a young age can grow up bravely to fight for her legitimate rights.
Encourage her to learn sports such as taekwondo and sanda, when she meets bad people, she can lie and be wise, and her daughter can be sweet and quiet, but she is by no means weak and deceitful.
Parents love their children, and they have far-reaching plans for them.
Only when parents are not lazy and willing to work hard in their daughter's education, can the daughter's life path become smoother and wider.
Finally, Steve Bidalph's words are given to every family with a daughter:
"As your daughter grows up, you can see the connection between the childhood you gave her and the strength and qualities she has today. You are proud and very satisfied.
When you leave, a wonderful daughter will go on with life, and she will also pass on everything you have taught her to her offspring. ”
—— End ——
Author: Xu Kitten, college teacher, mother of two children. I would like to see the world with you with reason and warm people's hearts with deep affection. Some of the pictures are from the Internet, and the copyright belongs to the original author.