It is said that parents are the first teachers of children, and the parenting style of parents will have a profound impact on children. So Mom and Dad should pay attention to avoid the following five types of laborious but unflattering parenting methods Oh, maybe you have accidentally been recruited...
1
In life, there is such a type of parent: from the beginning of the child's landing on the ground to give them a plan for everything, after going to school, the child is slightly unsatisfactory to find a teacher to ask for guilt, can not tolerate the child has a little grievance; the school arranges after-school homework to help the child complete as much as possible; go to college and follow the child to the school to make beds and cook; after graduation to find a job and fall in love, also intervene everywhere, interfering in the child's choice...
This kind of parent who hovers over their children like a helicopter and monitors their every move is called "helicopter parents".
Excessive protection of children may deprive them of free growth space, which is not conducive to their independence and social cultivation.
Parents' uninterrupted manipulation and the coming forward at key moments will make children gradually lose their ability to think for themselves, have fewer opportunities to try to walk on their own, and when they grow up, they will encounter ups and downs, it is difficult to adapt to changes in the rhythm of society, and they are prone to anxiety and depression.
| "Helicopter parents" have to learn to let go
The parenting methods of some celebrities abroad may inspire us: there are media reports that the Rockefeller family of American oil tycoons attaches great importance to cultivating their children's independent ability, and when they study, they always live in school, and they have to find their own jobs after graduation; the children of the Walton family of "Wal-Mart Group" have begun to work from an early age.
Sometimes, when parents take a step back, the child can go further. Wise parents will learn to let go at the right time, let the children temper their will and learn to be independent, which is great love. This is far better than helping everywhere and embarrassing themselves in not knowing how to deal with themselves after they have encountered a difficult situation.
2
"Snow shoveler" parenting can be said to be an upgraded version of "helicopter type", not only to achieve constant monitoring, but also to clear all obstacles on the road to growth in time for children, and not to give them the opportunity to encounter failure and setbacks.
These "snow shovel parents" prepare very early, plan all the things for their children in advance, and take care of them. In the college bribery scandal that shocked the United States, in order to help their children to move forward, the parents of the "snow shoveler" even tried the law by example, bribing invigilators and university teachers in exchange for the opportunity for their children to enter prestigious universities.
The best protection for children is not to create a safe living space for them, but to cultivate their ability to create a living space for themselves. Undoubtedly, the kind of educational method that does not expose children to failure is destroying their ability to make their own choices and judgments. Sometimes, the more you manage, the more you make the child cowardly and unhappy.
| "Snow shovel parents" should abandon the big package
Parents should be willing to let go, abandon the large-scale education model, and give children more opportunities for independent choice.
The ability to choose independently is an important way to cultivate children's sense of independence, and choosing what they like can make children curious about life and society.
Allow children to make mistakes and help them build resilience to stress through trial and error.
3
Children need to be affirmed when they are praised, they will have confidence in doing things, and after a long time, they will be strong in their hearts, and it will not be easy to be defeated when things happen. Many parents recognize the advantages of "praise education" for growth, try to create a "confident harbor" for their children, but they deviate from the right track in implementation and become a crazy "praise machine".
"You're doing awesome, better than everyone else" "You're definitely the best kid in your class"... Children are accustomed to knowing themselves from the evaluation of others, and the parents' always big and empty praise does not allow them to clarify their own advantages, and the long time causes them to be blindly confident and become conceited. As a result, I always feel that everything is good, but I don't know where the good is.
There is also a kind of parent, no matter how good or bad the child is, always feel that their children are the best, blindly touted. This excessive praise will make children mistakenly think that they are "perfect" and cannot withstand external criticism, setbacks and failures in their daily lives.
| "Thumbs up machine parents" should avoid blind praise
In fact, it makes more sense to praise your child for the process of doing things than to praise the results. Through the refinement process, it is shown that his little progress will slowly help the child build self-confidence, which is more stable than simple praise.
When praising children, they should "discuss things on the spot" and "do not have the right thing to do", only evaluate a certain thing they have done, and do not use the result of a certain thing as an evaluation of the "whole person".
4
On the issue of education, some parents excessively pursue perfection, afraid that their children will lag behind others, always compare their children's shortcomings with others' advantages, and always feel that their children are not doing well enough. Therefore, it is customary to use words such as "you learn from others" and "why are you so uncompetitive" to count down children, hoping to motivate their competitive spirit and enterprising spirit.
This "bombing" approach to education may lead children to the other extreme – low self-esteem. There are no two leaves in the world that are exactly the same, and each child's personality and traits are different. Parents should recognize and accept the differences between children, "differences do not equal gaps", some are the beginning of personality formation, parents should do more to protect this difference, from which to find the shining point.
| "Bomber parents" should avoid comparison
In the process of parenting, parents should look at the problem comprehensively and learn to compare horizontally and vertically: for example, to evaluate a certain academic performance, not only to see the gap between the child and others horizontally, but also to look vertically at what progress the child has made compared with before.
Treat temporary deficiencies with a peaceful attitude, encourage and support more. Do not overemphasize academic performance, sacrificing the happiness of children's growth, long-term blind comparison may lead to children's psychological distortion.
5
It is common for both parents or one of them to be unable to accompany their children because they are working in the field and can only send money home on time. In big cities, even if some parents and children are in the same place, overtime work and busy work and no time to accompany their children abound.
"Letting go of work can't afford to support you, picking up work can't accompany you", for many parents, work and family are like fish and bear paws, you can't have both. Parents are sometimes like "cash machines" that can only satisfy their children's material lives.
Children who have not received parental attention for a long time and lack of love are likely to have problems with their personality. For example, introverted and lonely, do not love to interact with people; like to hide their hearts, no sense of security; do not trust others, poor sense of cooperation, etc., serious or even develop into emotional indifference, no love.
| "ATM parents" should emphasize emotional communication
Under the condition of conditions, parents try not to miss the growth of their children, after all, this precious time can never be made up. Companionship takes time, and for some families it is really difficult, so it is better to improve the quality of companionship so that children can get the greatest attention from their parents when they need support and help.
For example, important time points such as holidays, birthdays, parent-teacher conferences, poor mood, and illness, as far as possible to accompany your children. You can also work with your children to create your own "Family Day" where the whole family gets together.
(This article comes from "Life Times", transferred from Today Education Media, the copyright belongs to the original author, if there is infringement, please contact us to deal with)