In the process of children's growth, moving towards independence is a very important process, and children sleeping independently without their parents are also regarded by educationalists as the cornerstone of children's independence. So the child is five years old, and he still needs to hold his parents to sleep every night, is there a problem with this?
First of all, let's be clear, should the child leave the parents to sleep independently? The answer is yes. Sleeping in separate rooms means that children have the ability to soothe themselves and provide the security they need when they are not provided by their parents. And sleeping with children and their parents can also affect the intimacy between couples. If the "intimate relationship between husband and wife", which is the cornerstone of the family relationship, is destroyed, then the family can also easily fall into an unstable situation. At the same time, children who sleep with their parents for a long time will also have various other problems, such as childishness, lack of foresight, and excessive dependence on their parents.
So is it necessary to force children to sleep separately from their parents? The answer is no. Regarding the independence of exercising children, the American psychologist Watson once proposed a kind of infant independent and complete sleep method, which is simply that children sleep separately from their mothers from an early age to exercise their children's independence. Most of the children educated by this method have serious psychological problems and are emotionally indifferent.
When exactly should I let my child sleep independently? In fact, this answer has some Buddhist Zen implications: when they are ready. The opportunity for children to sleep independently is often in some small things: the sister next door has begun to sleep independently, and the brother downstairs has his own small room... When the child is brave enough to try to sleep independently, we can let go of the hand and let the child go on his own.
At the same time, we also need to provide some help, such as preparing a small ceremony for him, telling a small story to the child before going to bed and giving him a goodnight kiss, letting the child participate in the decoration of the small room, choosing his favorite toys to sleep with him, etc.
Children will grow up one day, and all we can do is let go of their hands and let them go when they're ready.