In the planning of family education, starting from these two aspects, I proposed to start from two angles to plan family education.
The first is to start from the child and understand the child;
The second is to start from the parents themselves and enhance their own energy.
Because the child is the bearer of education, the parent is the operator of education.
Therefore, family education, if you want to do a good job, you must walk together on 2 legs and in sync.
The previous article, from the perspective of parents, more from the perspective of mothers, wrote about how to improve themselves, see "Introverted Growth, Empower Yourself Series".
Also from the perspective of the child, the source of the sense of security and value is written, see: the child's sense of security and value, from the early 1000 days of life
Today's article continues from the child's point of view, and then continues with the previous one.
— 1 — Hug when you cry
After the birth of a child, the first priority is survival.
Therefore, the purpose of his series of actions is to seek to survive safely.
As soon as he felt that his life was threatened, he cried, hysterically.
Therefore, when the child is hungry, when he is sleepy, when his mother is not there, he will cry.
If you are hungry and do not drink milk in time, you will cry even more miserably;
If you wake up and don't see your mother, you will cry and tear your lungs apart.
Understanding this characteristic of the child, in the process of raising the child, you can understand that timely, gentle and unconditional care is a necessity for the child.
Therefore, don't think that the child will hug him as soon as he cries, which is to spoil him.
On the contrary, hugging when you cry is the embodiment of loving your child.
Psychologists have analyzed that if parents feel that when a child cries, he will hug it, which will spoil the child, which may be out of "jealousy".
Because when my parents were young, they did not experience a feeling of jealousy that arose from being held up unconditionally when they cried.
I am more inclined to think that because parents did not experience what it was like to be unconditionally cared for as children, they had a perception that hugging as soon as they cried was not good for their children.
Why is it not good, can't think of a reason, just install a "spoiled".
In fact, it is the embodiment of the poverty of parents and love.
So the little one, can't go, can't talk, where is the habit, what bad thing can he do?
— 2 — Crying at night
There are also infant children, at night, will suddenly appear to cry and cry.
If you search the Internet, some say that the child has colic, some say that the child has a bloated stomach, some say that the child sleeps more during the day, and some, it is superstitious.
Excluding physical pain, the child cries at night, perhaps because of dreams, or experiences a feeling of "imminent death".
The latter, in particular, will bring great fear to children.
I remember that when my son was a child, about July or August, one night, he suddenly cried a lot, how to coax and hug was useless, for 3 days in a row, every night.
Because the child's development has just begun, the functions of the brain are incomplete, and naturally, his cognition is very low.
When he fell asleep, he thought he wouldn't wake up.
So he cried a lot and didn't want the experience.
This is also why some children, obviously sleepy, eyelids are about to close, but suddenly cry and make trouble.
He thought that if he fell asleep, he would never wake up again.
Therefore, he cried desperately, just refusing to sleep.
Look, the child's cognition is so shallow.
Such a recognition, for example, when the mother is away for a while, the child thinks that the mother has "disappeared" and will never come back.
This is the origin of separation anxiety.
And, after the mother leaves, every once in a while, it will appear and will not "disappear";
Fall asleep on your own, wake up, and will not die;
These understandings, only when children are growing up, day by day, will they gradually form.
In the final analysis, these behaviors and cognitions of children are still related to safety and survival.
Therefore, at this time, parents cannot lose patience because the child is upset, treat the child indifferently, or think that the child is deliberately looking for trouble.
Instead, it is necessary to give children a timely response, unconditional care, help them eliminate concerns about safety, and help them build a stable sense of security.
Final words
The most urgent need of newborn children is to survive.
Thus, by extension, the pursuit of a sense of security.
His actions revolve around this need.
The child hugs when he cries, not to spoil him, on the contrary, this is the embodiment of loving the child.
At night, the child suddenly cries incessantly, possibly because he has experienced the feeling of "imminent death".
Therefore, parents should give their children unconditional care to help them build a stable sense of security.