You have misunderstood the quality education in Europe and the United States

Every time I return to China, it is easy to see the following scenes:

Young parents with four or five-year-old children out of the party, children completely ignore the people present, running around, loud noise, parents will smile at me: "We are now also learning from European and American countries, let the children develop freely, less rules, more personality." ”

Some children are thirteen or fourteen years old, and at the party, parents urge them to greet others. Children are completely uninspired into the activities of the party, playing with their own mobile phones, parents will also say to me at this time: "Our family is very democratic, with European and American quality education to take the child, give the child more space and freedom, less interference with him." ”

I was puzzled by this argument: I didn't even see basic courtesy in a four- or five-year-old; a thirteen- or fourteen-year-old who didn't even have to say hello to his parents. These children do not have normal communication skills, what about "quality"?

Everyone knows that the Netherlands is a country with a high degree of social tolerance, but its early childhood education first teaches rules, as well as obedience to rules and authority. Whether it is for things or people, without respect and mutual understanding, criticism and resistance are not advocated, and idleness will not be tolerated. Freedom of speech should also be spoken without discrimination and respect for the feelings of others.

Dutch teachers do not tolerate children who vent their emotions without reason, and mothers who do not teach children well also have to be "trained to work".

Children's social qualities can be trained by chatting with adults on an equal footing.

Let's talk about your child's social qualities. Europe is a place where social etiquette and mutual communication are very important. At a family gathering, children are taught to participate actively and engage in communication, and it is not allowed to play with their mobile phones in front of adults.

You may not believe it, but the friends I know who have cross-border marriages and romantic relationships complain the most is that the Dutch family rules are too much and too strict. Many Dutch fathers and Chinese mothers quarrel the most, the father believes that the child should turn off the TV and concentrate on dinner with the parents; the child cannot leave the table without permission after eating; the child cannot have a disrespectful attitude towards the parents. And the mother thinks that it is good to eat a meal casually, why do you want so many rules at home, the child has a temperament not to lie with us and who to lie with. Dad believes that for christmas as a family, even if they don't sleep well on Christmas Eve, they must get up early to eat the family's traditional Christmas breakfast. The mother said that let the child sleep a little longer, eat a meal, cancel it, anyway, every day to eat. The children of Europeans and Americans are not "free to develop" as Chinese imagined.

In fact, we Chinese families also have many effective ways of parenting, and at the same time cultivate a sense of respect for the sense of form, but also the cultivation of self-discipline and public responsibility. Think about it, in a social situation, isn't the most important thing to be just the right kind of self-discipline? And this ability is cultivated from the beginning of the bit.

So, if your child doesn't have some basic etiquette and binding force, stop saying "that's the freedom and quality of Europe and America." Such children will certainly be marginalized and unpopular in Europe and the United States.

Quality is not only in Europe and the United States, and some values and qualities are common to the whole world. Treating indulgence as freedom and willfulness as personality is not quality education anywhere.

(Editor-in-Charge: Li Donghai)