Wen | condensed mother's understanding
I was very surprised, some fathers did not have much time with the baby, they were not experienced, but when they really brought the baby, they had a very set, as if they had cast magic on the baby.
The "naughty bag" that is super tossed in front of the mother, but the obedient in front of the father, like a docile little sheep, is an angel baby loved by everyone.
Let the mothers feel confused, the child is young, how can it be a "two-faced pie", will watch people cook
For example, I know the situation described by the previous netizen, the father takes out the door, the child is energetic, the mother takes the door, and all kinds of hugs. Similar situations have been seen many times on various communication platforms. As a mother, I have a deep understanding of it myself.
Dad with the baby is well-behaved and obedient, and mother takes the baby all kinds of naughtiness
The situation in my family is that when my father brought the second treasure, the second treasure was very well-behaved and obedient, and he was willing to do something that made him feel embarrassed, and when the mother brought the second treasure, the second treasure always exhausted people, which showed that my mother with the baby was very incompetent.
When Dad took Erbao to brush his teeth, Erbao obediently squeezed his own toothpaste, brushed his teeth, and rinsed himself, and the movement was very smooth. Having cried only once, he reflected the next day and improved his behavior.
Erbao showed off to me, "Mom, you see, I didn't cry when I brushed my teeth with my dad this time, last time it was because I was too tired!" I'm not tired today, so I won't cry! ”
As a result, when I took Erbao to brush my teeth, Erbao said, "I won't brush my teeth, you brush me." I brushed his teeth, and he was uncooperative: one moment he closed his mouth and bit his toothbrush, the next he chirped and crooked. When washing, all kinds of small actions, standing without standing, especially tiring.
Dad took Erbao to the bath, and when he rinsed his hair, he told him to "close his eyes and breathe with his mouth", and directly rushed down from top to bottom with a nozzle, in one go, Erbao did not say a word, and accepted it calmly.
However, when Erbao is usually in the shower, he does not like to wash his hair the most, and if a little water splashes on his face, he will cry.
I also wanted to imitate my father's method, but Erbao cried and said, "I don't like to close my eyes and breathe with my mouth." Make him lean his head back to avoid water splashing on his face, and he doesn't like this position either. I had to let him sit up comfortably and rinse his hair a little bit.
Erbao is simply too bullying, his mother takes him the most and loves him the most, why doesn't he let his mother worry about it? It's so sad!
Is the child's different performance in front of his parents bullying the soft and afraid of the hard?
We will subconsciously appreciate those well-behaved and obedient children, who bring children who are obedient and sensible, they will be crowned as "excellent parents". Whoever takes the child up and down will be evaluated as a "bear parent".
In fact, children are naturally lively and active, if they do the same thing, children show different personalities in front of different people, there must be hidden nature, suppress their own behavior.
As mentioned in the American Academy of Pediatrics: When the mother is away, the family or the babysitter tells you that the child behaves like an angel, do not rush to be happy, it is only because the child does not trust other people enough, so they dare not test their bottom line.
If the child and the father do not spend much time together, there is a certain distance emotionally, cognitively can not understand the father's temper, in the sense that the father is more serious, he will start the observation mode. In order to survive, force yourself to do things you don't like and avoid causing trouble.
The child and the mother get along day and night, establish a close relationship with the mother, have already felt the mother's temper, know that no matter how tossed, the mother will love herself unconditionally, so she will release herself unscrupulously and behave particularly unobtrusively.
Erbao grew up under the protection of his mother, and he and his father only saw each other once a week, but they only spent a few hours together, naturally very strange, showing good manners, and a kind of self-protection.
Dad with the baby is relatively more extensive, will not help the child to do some things in every detail, but let the child do it himself, the child has no way to ask for help, had to do it himself, but achieved the child.
For example, when brushing teeth, Dad and Erbao brush their teeth at the same time, taking care of each other. Erbao has both an element of imitation and an element of helplessness, and may also have an element of showing its own ability.
Mothers with babies are relatively more meticulous, often full of worry and anxiety, dare not let go. The brain originally likes to be lazy, and when the child has the opportunity, he will naturally meet the wind to make the rudder.
For example, when brushing his teeth, I was worried that Erbao would fall off the stool, worried that he would lose his teeth if he didn't brush well, and specially waited for him to brush his teeth, and saw that it was not suitable to correct or directly start. Over time, Erbao lost his sense of autonomy and competence, and simply picked and dried.
Therefore, the child's transition from "naughty bag" to "little angel" is not all bullying soft and afraid of hard, but also involves the problem of relationship estrangement.
Treat your child's differentiated performance correctly
Understanding the reason, we know that the child's performance is very normal, not that the baby has any careful machine, but that there is a certain deviation in the way we take the baby.
Under the premise of ensuring the mental health of children, specific problems are analyzed specifically, some need to be improved, and some need to go with the flow and wait for the flowers to bloom.
Mom and Dad should not blame each other, no one's approach is smart, no one is a perfect parent, need to do a good job of cooperation, learn from each other and learn.
Dads don't have to be complacent, the child's performance in front of the mother is exactly what nature makes, and the naughty behavior is the manifestation of mental health. If the child is too well-behaved, he may evolve into a flattering personality and live an unhappy life in the future.
For example, if the child does not like to do something, accept the child's emotions, respond to his feelings, and make him feel comfortable and at ease. When the child grows up and the fear disappears, he has the ability to challenge what he could not do before.
What dads have to do is to create more opportunities to get along with their children, strengthen family connections, make children feel more relaxed and natural, and give children a sense of security.
Some of the father's practices are also remarkable, letting go of the child to do things, will strengthen the child's sense of ability to do things, will make the child have autonomy and competence, and will have an internal drive when doing more things in the future.
For example, dad took Erbao to brush his teeth in a good way, and I also improved the method, brushing with Erbao instead of being a supervisor, Erbao very naturally learned to brush my own teeth.
I brushed for 3 minutes and he will stick 3 minutes as well. I wash my mouth and he washes his mouth. After brushing his teeth, Erbao has a very sense of accomplishment, and is happy from the heart, rather than being as relieved as completing the task.
Mom and Dad learn from each other's strengths and take good care of their children, and their children will grow up healthily as we wish.
epilogue
The child is well-behaved in front of the father and naughty and willful in front of the mother, which is the child's instinctive reaction in favor of himself based on observation.
Can not judge which party is doing well or badly, parents have more or less problems in managing their children, and they need to analyze according to the situation and make improvements that are conducive to the physical and mental health of their children.
I hope that parents will work together to let their children grow up in a stable and safe environment.
I'm @Gelma Goku
Mother of two boys, more than 10 years of parenting experience
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