After the movie "My Sister" became popular, it not only made the acting skills of the lead actor Zhang Zifeng get more praise and affirmation, but also set off a discussion about the long-standing social problem of having a second child in middle age.
Since the liberalization of the two-child policy, whether to have a second child has become a topic that many families cannot avoid. Rich economy, abundant money, someone to help take care of children, husband and wife love, age is appropriate, it is very normal to have a second child, but some parents do not have the conditions for a second child, but only care about their own mood and thoughts, and also want to have another child.
After the birth of the second child, these parents who do not have a high economic level and are unable to take care of the second child may hit the idea on the first child, under the banner of "the eldest brother is like the father and the elder sister-in-law like the mother", and justifiably force the eldest son and the eldest daughter to bear the lives of their younger siblings and become the victims of the parents' willful behavior.
Reader Li Xiao sent me a private message about the "stupid" decisions made by my parents.
01. My family situation is average, and my parents' abilities are very ordinary;
"If my parents had a lot of money and had several houses, and they wanted to give me younger siblings, I wouldn't have been happy, but I wouldn't have been so strongly opposed."
Li Xiao was born in an ordinary working family, and his parents originally made a living by farming and relying on the sky to eat. When Li Xiao was 10 years old, the family could not make ends meet for two consecutive years, and they were burdened with debts, and their parents felt helpless, so they had to entrust their sons to the elderly, leave their hometown, go to the city, and become migrant workers.
"My parents can earn six thousand yuan a month, they save money and use it, and every two or three months they make money to go home and provide me with education." My grandparents planted some vegetables to supplement the family, and we have been living a life of food and clothing without much savings. ”
After Graduating from University, Li Xiao began to work, but since he had not reached retirement age, his parents still stayed in the city and continued to work.
02. Trying to make money to marry a wife, I am about to get married;
After Graduating from Li Xiao University, due to the narrowness of his professional counterpart, he chose to cross the line to seek employment.
"My current monthly income is about 7,000, with five insurances and one gold, and the treatment is quite OK." In order to save money, I would rather get up an hour early every day to catch the bus than rent a house in the city. I learned to cook, learned to do housework, rarely visited the supermarket, and most of my necessities were purchased online. During the holidays, I either brushed up on dramas or slept, and rarely traveled. ”
The reason why Li Xiao lived such a boring life was because he knew that his family was not rich, and it was difficult for his parents to spend too much money to marry and have children for him, so he could only rely on his own efforts.
When Li Xiao was 26 years old, he saw the dawn of solving lifelong events, met his lover, gave 80,000 bride price, and Li Xiao was about to get married.
However, at this time, the idea of parents wanting a second child made Li Xiao feel incredible.
03. My parents want a second child, and the reason is quite sufficient;
"I went to visit my parents and the neighbor told me that my mother was trying to get pregnant."
Trying to conceive? Mom is 47 years old, what are you going to get pregnant?
When Li Xiao asked his parents, the parents did not deny it, and confirmed the idea of wanting a second child: "Son, my mother is only 47 years old, I want a second child." ”
Li Xiao's mother got married very early, and she was only 21 years old when she gave birth to Li Xiao, so she is not very old now.
Li Xiao's mother gave a reason for having a second child, which seems to be very sufficient, and there are about three points to sum up.
First of all, Li Xiao's lifelong event has been solved, and as soon as the daughter-in-law enters the door, they have no pressure, just have time and energy to raise children: "I have a salary with your father, a pension, and it is not difficult to raise a child." ”
Secondly, after Li Xiao got married, he wanted to spend time with his wife and children, who felt very lonely and wanted to raise a child to pass the time.
In the end, the uncle and grandson are about the same age, which is also very convenient: "Two children are about the same age, I bring one with me, and I bring two with two." When the time comes, I can take care of my young son while taking care of my grandson, and you can buy two copies of things, isn't it good? ”
04. I analyzed the drawbacks, gave my parents a promise, and solved the problem;
Listening to his parents' reasons, Li Xiao did not waver in the slightest, and his attitude of opposition was very firm: "Are you giving me a younger brother or a son?" ”
Li Xiao asked his parents a word. Li Xiao calmed down and analyzed the drawbacks of having a second child at this time for his parents.
"Let's talk about the economy first, mom, if you are pregnant, can you still work?" My father's income is only four thousand, and he has to support three people, can he afford it? How much does a child need to spend, I don't need to say more! After you retire, although you have a pension, according to the level of your old family, the two people together are only four thousand at most, is it enough to spend? What if one is sick? ”
"Let's talk about the impact on me, you think raising one is also raising, raising two is also raising, do you think my daughter-in-law will agree?" To put it mildly, it is not a child that comes out of her belly, why should she raise it? Little uncle to give her a pension ah? The biggest possibility for you to do this is to make my marriage adrift, so that I can no longer get a wife. ”
"Finally, my parents are forty or fifty years older than myself, and when outsiders see it, what will they say about my future brother?" Can you really grow up with him? When he marries and has children, you are all seventy-eight years old, can you afford to help him buy a house? ”
Li Xiao's question made none of his parents answer, and seeing that his parents had been shaken, Li Xiao may have made his own promise.
"I discussed it with my girlfriend, and when we got married, I rented you a house near the neighborhood and visited you often. If you are willing to help bring down the children, she promises that when you are older, she will pick you up for the elderly, and promise to let you have a dependence on the elderly. ”
In the end, Li Xiao got the approval of his parents, who gave up the plan to have a second child, and Li Xiao was also relieved, at least, he kept his happiness.
05. If you dare not argue with your parents, you can only see your own interests violated.
Keigo Higashino has a passage in "Shisheng" that says:
"Everyone wants to be born in a good family, but you can't choose your parents, what kind of card you are given, you can only try to play it well." 」
The inability to choose parents, the inability to choose the original family, is the most helpless thing for human beings. Everyone wants to be born in a good family, wants to live a rich and loved life from an early age, and wants to have a pair of responsible parents, but we have no choice.
Psychologist Frank Kadler also said:
"One of the most unfortunate facts in life is that the first major ordeal we encountered came mostly from our families, and that this ordeal is heritable."
When the original family brings you trouble, when the family wants to infringe on your interests, if you do not know how to resist and dare not say your true words, you can only watch yourself being swayed by family affection, and you can only watch your life because you have no self and it is difficult to obtain happiness.
If you don't dare to argue with your parents, you can only see your own interests violated. Filial piety to your parents is not to make you sacrifice everything, not to make you blindly obedient.
END.
Today's topic: If it were you, would you accept having a younger brother and sister who is more than twenty years younger than yourself? Feel free to share your views in the comments section.