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"I'm all for your own good, and you haven't listened to me once. I gave up my job for you, but I myself graduated from college, and my job was decent, and I gave everything for you, and what did you give back to me? Mother Xiaoling yelled angrily at her 10-year-old son.
"What's wrong with me? What is wrong with me, and it is not me who made you resign, and you can only blame yourself. I just don't want to practice, I don't want to now, I don't want to in the future, I never want to. "The son scolds his mother a lot.
It turned out that mother and son had quarreled over the practice of the piano, and this was not the first time.
Xiaoling, the mother, has slowly reduced her work since giving birth to her child, and when her child goes to primary school, she becomes a full-time mother herself.
It can be said that her son is the whole of Xiaoling's life, and she has invested all her energy on taking care of her son.
Xiaoling can sacrifice all of herself for her son, including her own circle of life and sisterhood, even if she is unwell, she will not say it to her son, but resist herself.
It can be said that in Xiaoling's world view, her own needs are not important at all, and can be completely ignored, and her son's needs must be 100% satisfied.
Although Xiaoling has paid all her energy for her son, her son seems to be more and more unsympathetic, and her son often opposes Xiaoling, and does not know how to care for her mother, and does not know her mother's psychological needs and inner feelings.
A one-sentence summary is that a "selfless dedication" mother meets a baby who "does not know how to understand".
If you think about your parenting process, do you feel like you are your mother Xiaoling at some point? You blindly pay to the child, but the child does not understand your heart at all, do you feel particularly defeated and lost at this time?
So, is a "selflessly dedicated" mother really good? Is there a possibility that our own starting point is wrong?
Today we will talk about this topic.
Mother's blind selfless dedication will bring 2 negative results
Everyone is a unique individual with completely independent thinking and wisdom. When the child is born, it needs the mother's round-the-clock care, and the relationship between mother and baby will disappear as the child grows up.
If the mother does not change with the growth of the child, or has maintained a state of "selfless dedication", then there must be 2 negative results:
The first result: the child's true feelings are ignored
A mother who is constantly paying for her children will slowly form a kind of thinking inertia, that is, thinking that what she thinks is the need of the child.
But the truth is often the opposite, the child's thinking is very jumpy and growing, the needs of this moment may not be needed the next moment.
If the mother blindly arranges all the things for the child according to the established ideas, in the eyes of the mother, it is for the child, but in the eyes of the child, the mother's behavior has become a kind of bondage and bondage.
The communication between the mother and the child has been completely cut off, and it seems that the two people are very close, but the two sides have already thought in the opposite direction.
Moms gain their sense of worth through lonely self-sacrifice, and if they don't get feedback from each other, their hearts will be out of balance.
Children are always cared for and protected, and they have not learned empathy at all, let alone how to be considerate of others.
The second result: Mom's needs are completely ignored
There must be many mothers in life like Xiaoling, who only know how to pay for their children, and do not know how to respect and accept their inner needs.
Mothers do not express or express their needs, do not respect their inner feelings, and often show no desire and no demand, which will send a signal to the child that my mother has no needs at all.
Everyone needs love to nourish their hearts, and so does Mom.
If the role of the mother in a family has been paying non-stop but never receiving the warmth given by the other party, I believe that this parent-child relationship will not be much better.
Just like Xiaoling and her son, it seems that the contradiction caused by the small matter of practicing the piano is actually the evil result of the unequal pay relationship between the two sides.
It can be said that "selfless dedication" mothers will not only make their lives unsatisfactory, but also make children lose confidence and feel resistant to interpersonal relationships.
Being a "lazy mother" is not necessarily a good thing
I often pay attention to the relationship between mothers and children around me, and find a strange phenomenon, the more diligent the mother and child, the lazier the mother and child, the more diligent the child (here diligence not only refers to the labor level, but also includes the spiritual level), and the parent-child relationship is better.
Moms are not superhuman, and they cannot solve all problems or complete all tasks for their children.
Children are an independent life, and they have the right to try and explore for themselves in order to feel the great power of life in the process of groping.
Therefore, mothers should be a "lazy mother" at the right time, know how to express their wishes in a timely and accurate manner, and give their children a certain free space to observe, think and solve problems.
Mothers use real eyes to find the real needs of their children, so that there is a flow of love and needs between mothers and children, and both sides learn to express themselves, love themselves, and love each other.
The actual action of mothers is to tell their children how to learn to see themselves, to see each other, to see the world.
So, if you used to be a "selfless dedication" mom, then you might as well learn to change slowly from this moment, let go of your anxiety, maybe you will find a completely different world and a child who will surprise you at any time!
I am Qiyue Mom, a mother of a three-year-old child, and I hope that some of my parenting experiences can be conveyed to you through the platform to provide a little help for your parenting road! You can follow me to learn and grow together!
I am @Seven Joy Mom, follow me and I talk about parenting easily together!
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