Children and careers seem to have become a "multiple choice question" for many Chinese parents.
Many people cry out in their hearts, "How should we choose our family and career?" "How to balance? That's a real problem.
Today's article, let the teacher take you to discuss this headache for parents!
The new semester will start soon, is it to fight for career or fight for children? This has become a problem in the hearts of many parents.
"Work is so busy, there is little time to accompany children, I believe children will understand, after all, only a sufficient material foundation can make their lives better, right?" This is a confession of a father and the choice of many Chinese parents.
In previous surveys, nearly half of the workplace people think it is difficult to achieve "work and family are not wrong", and more than 30% of the workplace people said that they can currently do "work and family are not wrong", but after the promotion can not be guaranteed.
Buying and selling houses, employment, and further education, and the sense of belonging of busy families are gradually missing... Many Chinese parents are facing this situation. This seems to give us a dilemma - "family is important or career is important" and "fight for children or fight for career".
Some people say that you can't give up your career because of your children, because children can't be counted as the whole of their own lives;
Some people say that for the sake of the next generation, they must make some kind of sacrifice, and there is nothing wrong with giving up their careers, which is a responsible performance for children.
How to choose?
I don't know if you, as a parent, are you also facing such confusion?
Two stories, how do you feel after reading them?
Mom, when I'm older, I'll send you to the best nursing home
This is a true story.
A young mother drives a famous car to take her daughter to an aristocratic primary school (residential school). The mother said to the child: In order to make more money, the mother will send you to a better school to study in the future, and there is no time to accompany you, do you hate your mother? The daughter said not to hate. Then the daughter said to her mother: When I grow up, I will also make a lot of money and send you to the best nursing home. After listening to it, the mother stopped on the side of the road and cried bitterly.
The mother thought that providing the best material life for her child was the greatest love for her child. But when she heard her daughter's answer, she couldn't help but shed tears.
It cannot be said that the child's answer is filial piety, because according to the values that this mother usually brings to the child, sending the mother to the best nursing home in the future is not the best expression of the child's love for the mother?
Children are used to days without their mothers, thinking that money can buy everything. Imagine if your child also told you that you were going to send you to a nursing home in the future. It's definitely not good. Because we adults know very well that money can't buy everything.
When you send your child to an aristocratic school, you lose at least half of it, because you have also passed on the school a responsibility that would have belonged to you.
There is no must-go meal, only a baby that grows up in an instant
It's a small story, but it impressed me. My original boss, David, was English, married to a Frenchman, and the two had two sons and a daughter, both young.
One Friday night, I received a message from a colleague from the original company to the effect that he was coming to Shanghai on Saturday and wanted to ask David to have dinner with him. David, me, and this colleague all worked together at the previous company, David's Chinese was not good, his colleague's English was not smart enough, and I was always their microphone.
Later, David began to run his own company, I continued to be his translator, and this colleague opened up a broader world, went to Beijing, in just a few years, with his own sales ability and years of accumulated contacts in the same industry has achieved great results. We're still in the same industry, and David's own company is doing some good, but it's slow to work.
It can be said that if you have a meal with this colleague, you can immediately get a lot of industry resources, and even customer information. Even I felt that it was a very necessary meal to eat, moreover, the two rarely saw each other, and it was the other party who took the initiative to invite, which was a godsend. When David heard this, he replied, "Tomorrow is Saturday, I have to spend time with my wife and children, and I can't go out to dinner." Later, he added: "If he is still here on Monday, he can have lunch, and I will go home for dinner." ”
Later, the dinner did not work out, and David did not express regrets.
There is a very interesting collision of Chinese and Western cultures here, because this colleague also has a newborn child. In David's values, working hours are the agreed working hours, even if it is their own company; and after work, they should accompany their families wholeheartedly, no matter how "useful" the other party is, they will not sacrifice the time spent with the family to participate in the dinner, even if the meal is to make money for their own company.
In his eyes, money can be earned slowly, but children will not grow up slowly, and family life will always occupy the first place in his heart and cannot be shaken. As for his Chinese colleagues, although he is also the father of the child, he often sees him posting photos of his baby, but he still has to be busy on weekends across the country and even around the world.
I'm just stating the story, not trying to judge right from wrong. Both are responsible for their families, but with different emphases. Family members need companionship, and it's important to earn money, and the two have a common purpose: to live a quality of life. So, for children, what is a quality of life? There are more answers than one, but the most important of them is: the company of mom and dad.
These two short stories are all very popular articles on the Internet before, and many parents are sighing after reading them - because it has aroused our emotional resonance, because many people are facing the same confusion.
Children and careers seem to have become a "multiple choice question" for many Chinese parents. For young people born in the 1980s, they have entered the age of independence. Most of these highly educated young people have a higher and farther pursuit of their careers and futures. Raising children has become a big burden for them, and the pressure of life and the helplessness of parenting have left the "post-80s" in a dilemma and miserable.
Fight children vs fight career, which one will you choose?
"I choose love with the kitchen"
@ "Spring River March"
Children are in front, careers are second! Because if the career is successful and the child is abandoned, then there is no successor to your career, coupled with the troubles and pain brought about by the child's failure, that feeling cannot be replaced and balanced by the success of the career. And because children's disdain cannot pass on their careers, this is equivalent to the social disconnection of life, the history is dimmed, the development is stagnant or even retrogressive, who can afford this price? Even a country cannot afford it! People have grown up for decades, and the key period of children's cultivation and education is only that ten years, seize those ten years to cultivate children well, even if they have an impact on their careers, there is still enough time to make up, which is entirely possible to achieve success in both children and careers; but if at that stage for the sake of career waste children, then prosperous careers may be tossed by children and decay, and finally end up empty, nothing!
@"Reincarnation"
I am a mother of two children, also a full-time wife, a family of four living together, my husband alone to work hard, buy a car and buy a house. In order to take both children with me, I gave up my career after I became pregnant and willingly took care of and educated the children at home. Children are much better with their parents than with the elders in the family, and children are definitely willing to be by their parents' side. Don't wait for the child to have a problem to find out, at that time it is too late to regret it.
I just can't let go of the stars in the sea
@Emilia
My goal is to become such a successful person. Everyone's values are different, and since the family is not suitable for them, choosing a career can also be satisfied. In fact, loving to choose the family is also personal freedom, and you can be responsible for your own choice of life.
@"Wheat"
I think career is very important, and only children with successful careers can enjoy good living and learning conditions. Socialize less outside of work and spend more time with your children.
Why do more and more parents seem to be facing an anxious "multiple choice question"?
"There are old and young", and the real problem must be solved
Buying and selling houses, employment, and further education, and the sense of belonging of busy families are gradually missing... Today, most urban parents are under the high pressure of "old and young", and these common and cruel social realities are gradually weakening the "happiness" of urban parents.
"I also want to be with my children, but I always have to have bread and milk first, and there is no substance, what else?" It has become a reality faced by many parents.
Therefore, working hard to fight for a career has become the choice of some parents.
Where do you find your personal value? Individual choices are more diverse
"There are still many differences between parents and the older generation." Some netizens left a message, "Most of today's parents are well educated, so many parents, especially women, are different in concepts than in the past." ”
Indeed, with the improvement of parents' education level, the realization of personal value of many parents is not limited to the family, and the success of their careers has become a means of self-realization.
"At that time, after giving birth to a child, I was very troubled, whether to quit my job and go home with my child." A mother left a message, "But after weighing it again, I decided to continue working, after all, I can't give up everything because of my children, or I have to leave some room for self-realization." Of course, if some parents think that they can realize their own life value in the family and in the process of accompanying and educating their children, it is also a good choice to concentrate on educating their children. ”
The "competition" of children is also fierce, and no parent is willing to let their children lose at the "starting line"
"Children are the shadow of their parents, the miniatures of their parents, who are extremely malleable, like the source of a river, lively and unrestrained, and once they are directed in a certain direction, they can change the flow direction." Therefore, when the child is young, the companionship of parents and the education of the family are particularly important. A netizen said, "That is to say, the family actually naturally builds a 'starting line' for the child, whether the parent can give the child the correct companionship, can the child's correct guidance, can change the child's sufficient sense of security, etc., these are related to the future development of the child." ”
"Today, when the competition of children is becoming more and more fierce, how can we, as parents, relax? Times are different, and the way of education will naturally change. Parents think that they want to make more money to buy a house for their children, buy a car, marry a daughter-in-law, and then unconsciously stay away from their children... Is it worth it? The success of any career cannot make up for the failure of children's education. ”
Is it really impossible to juggle career and family? Why are they both successful in their careers and excellent in their children?
Many parents say that the current social competition is so fierce, on the one hand, they must be busy with work, on the other hand, they must be busy with socializing, and where there is time to take children. Besides, all this I'm doing now is also for the sake of my children.
According to one survey, 30 percent of parents go home and do the most when they go home watching TV and surfing the Internet. For them, watching TV at home, surfing the Internet, playing games and other recreational activities are more conducive to releasing stress and regulating emotions. In addition, there are very few parents who will take their work home to complete.
"It is not difficult to see that parents are not completely free of time to accompany their children, depending on whether you have the heart to spend time with their children." If a gay man can quit drinking twice a week, and a lesbian can take out the time of makeup and makeup removal every day to accompany the child, then your child is half a genius. Some parents wrote.
But in fact, many times, educating children and focusing on careers are not contrary to each other.
Bai Yansong: Mental attention is the first step, and the effort spent on the family is no less than that of the career
White Rock Pine is an evergreen tree in the host world. In terms of his personal experience, who can think of a person who has scored the bottom in the class, in his thirties has already won the "China Golden Microphone Award", successful in his career, the effort spent on the family is no less than the career, he attaches importance to family education, and there are many unique educational methods.
Bai Yansong's son is a book fan, and when he graduated from elementary school, the child became obsessed with Jin Yong and read the whole collection in one sitting. After that, the child became interested in the history of the Qing Dynasty and the Ming Dynasty, and went to find books in this area. In addition, children like Bai Yansong also like rock music, but Bai Yansong is not nervous about it, "Maybe many people will think that this is not blind listening, what is the use?" However, while listening to rock 'n' roll, he translated a lyric a day, and his English level rose rapidly. ”
For the child's interest, Bai Yansong never deliberately cultivated, and even, it can be said that it is almost "conniving". Once, when there was a class the next day, he agreed to let the child watch the ball in the middle of the night on the first day, and the result was that the child came home from school the next day and proudly told him: "No one in our class dares to do this." ”
Bai Yansong does not think that "watching the ball is blind and useless", which is very important for the growth of children. "Please ask in life, where there is such a good opportunity, let the child feel that not to give up, the result may change the example." Can't give in class. ”
Bai Yansong believes in the saying that reading opens the world, but sports make people experience the meaning of sharing, team spirit, and winning and losing earlier.
Balance point: May wish to let the child become their own "friend", so that they can understand each other more
Achieving a career is definitely going to take a lot of energy, but I feel like I can exhaust myself because there are more important things waiting for us in a place called "home". The best state for raising a child may be like Bai Yansong, where the child feels "we" like friends, but you always remember that you are a parent.
Lei Jun: No matter how busy I am, I also find time to spend with my children
When it comes to Lei Jun, everyone may not be so familiar, but if it comes to Xiaomi mobile phones, everyone will not be unfamiliar. Lei Jun is the founder of Xiaomi mobile phones.
He was said to be busier than most of us, but at a parent-teacher conference, he said he would find time to spend with his children no matter how busy he was.
He said: "Everyone wants their children to have good grades, which is the current situation in China, and I especially hope that my children's grades can be better." Some parents watch their children do homework every day, sometimes impatient, I don't have time, I basically don't watch my child do homework, I accompany her to do homework on weekends, I joke with her, I say what are you good? She said she was good at English, I said I was good at math, she said she taught me English, I taught her math, she was very happy, the word was not pronounced correctly, she taught me a second time, I said can you start teaching me from your first lesson, how should you talk? When she was asked to be a little teacher, she was particularly serious.
So when it comes to this, I think many times our parents are particularly concerned about accompanying their children to do homework every day, and now children are more or less squeamish, and it is easy to be impatient after a long time, and talk heavily. In fact, I suggest not to accompany every day, just check the homework, more importantly, you take one or two hours a week, sit with him seriously, take this matter very seriously, this effect is better than we spend an hour or two a day, seriously share with him the method of learning, the process of learning, cultivate his interest in learning, I think this is more important. ”
Balance point: high-quality accompaniment is more effective with less
Many parents struggle with how much time to spend with their children, but they overlook an important question, how to spend with their children. Is being with your child every day the same as companionship? In fact, the growth of children also needs their own independent space, so it is better to improve the quality of their companionship! Maybe this will find that the effect is unexpectedly good.
Yu Minhong: Educating children should also set goals, and parents themselves should have principles
Yu Minhong went from an ordinary rural family to the founder of today's New Oriental School, and there is no doubt that his career was successful, but few people know that his family education was also very successful.
He set two principles for educating children: First, children should not be kept as pets. The ultimate goal of raising children is to integrate them into society, have a skill, can serve society, and at the same time exchange this service for the material basis for supporting themselves, which is also the basic goal of educating children.
If children grow up, walk into society, and find that they have neither the ability to interact with others nor the ability to live, that is the greatest dereliction of duty of parents. Therefore, he has been consciously asking my children to learn to cooperate with others, to know how to share, to have the ability to live independently, such as learning to tidy up their own room, washing dishes after eating, learning to wash clothes with a washing machine, etc.
Second, we must cultivate children's spiritual temperament and positive attitude towards life. I often travel with my children, so that children can feel the vastness and color of the world, encourage them to make friends, try to be with excellent people, and arouse their initiative and independent thinking ability.
Parents should cultivate their children to have a good state of mind. I have always felt that for children, book learning is only part of learning, and it is more important to cultivate their good mood. What is a good state of mind? It is an emotional state of loving life and loving nature. How many parents have ever taken their children out at night to see the stars? Shouldn't be much. ”
Balance point: Parents should understand the direction of their children's education
In fact, many times smart parents are doing to grasp the "general direction" for the child's personality and personality development, the principle and position are correct, and it is the key to the role of parents when the child needs to lend a hand. Therefore, even if the work is busy, these aspects of parents must be well grasped.