01
Even if you can't accompany your child, leave your child with the hope of love
Zhang Jiajia's protagonist Liu Shisan in "There is a Commissary by the Clouds" grew up with his grandmother.
His father ran away with the family's money, his mother ran away from home, and when he was a child, he often asked his grandmother where her mother had gone.
After the age of 10, he stopped asking, but every step he took was looking for the illusory shadow of his mother.
The letter left by her mother to Liu Shisan reads, listen to my grandmother's words, don't be greedy, study hard, and take the Qinghua exam to Peking University. Go to work in a big city and find a girl who loves you to marry.
Liu Shisan worked very hard, his small book was full of dreams, but none of them came true, he was not admitted to Tsinghua Peking University, he was in a mess in the big city, the girl he loved did not love him, back to Yunbian Town, he began to live like a person.
Many left-behind children like Liu Shisan, without the company of their parents, have a lonely childhood.
But they still have a beautiful imagination in their hearts, if only their mothers were there. Liu Shisan's essay in the fifth grade proves this point, "I look for ah, find the most perfect mother, her only flaw is that she is not around me." ”
Liu Shisan's heart has hope, he has not lost the ability to love, after he met Cheng Shuang, met the small ball, he learned to love others, but also learned to accept love, his life can still be full of sunshine.
If you have no choice but to accompany your child, be sure to tell your child that you love him. Don't let the physical distance cut off your child's love and attachment to his mother.
Let the child know that he is loved, which is equivalent to planting a seed of hope in the child's heart, and when it meets the sun, it will bloom.
02
Accompanying the child, the heart is far away from the end of the world
Taking a child to roller skating class met a little boy who loved to cry. Halfway through the class, he came down from the field to find his mother, and just after calling out to his mother, his mother raised her head and said to him, "It's not good to go to class, hurry back, it's not over yet." ”
The little boy muttered that he wanted to open his mouth to speak, and his mother said, "Don't look for trouble, hurry back." ”
The little boy turned back to class, and within five minutes he was crying.
His mother stood up and walked over to the little boy, shouting as she walked, "What's wrong with you?" "The child kept crying, crying out of breath, his mother was ready for battle, and his sleeves were rolled up.
Looking down, the child peed his pants, just looking for his mother to go to the bathroom, was yelled back.
His mother was even more angry when she saw her pants peeing, and she dragged the child back while counting him down, "You are 6 years old and still pee your pants, are you not ashamed?" "The child kept crying, the mother kept saying.
From the child's point of view, the pants were very uncomfortable, and he peed his pants in front of so many people and lost face, so he cried.
Mom was also very angry, so big in public pee pants, shame and trouble, but also have to change clothes. Both mom and child are angry, but is this unavoidable? When the child walks to the mother for the first time, if the mother can give the child a chance to speak, how can the child not help but pee his pants?
It is not enough to accompany the child, not to keep the child around. Physical distance is overcome, but emotionally the world is at hand.
Communicate well with the child, give the child a chance to speak, listen to what the child wants to do, don't think of yourself as a judge, easily label the child's behavior, so that the child does not even have the opportunity to defend.
03
Go to the soup for the child, but do not believe what the child says
There is a 16-year-old high school student in Hangzhou, Xiao Liu, who told his parents that he was going to quit school, and his tone was very strong, "There is nothing to say, I just don't want to go to school." Parents are also helpless, and the children who have always been well-behaved are like changed individuals, helpless to turn to psychiatrists.
In front of the doctor, Xiao Liu revealed his heart, telling him about the bullying he suffered from his roommates at school, being beaten and abused by his roommates, and being spread rumors.
Xiao Liu has told his teachers and classmates, and he has also told his parents, but no one believes him. Unable to change the status quo, Xiao Liu's boredom is getting heavier and heavier, which is why he has the scene of seeing a doctor.
The doctor patiently listened to Xiao Liu's confession and said a sentence that made Xiao Liu cry into tears, "You are not easy, how good it is for someone to forgive you at that time." ”
At that time, how good it was for someone to forgive you, who would be the one who was considerate of children? Parents should be the most considerate of their children, but being considerate of their children is too difficult for most parents.
Because in the eyes of parents, children often have nothing to do, and P's bigger things are all calculated.
Being pushed, toys being robbed, shoes being trampled dirty, being nicknamed, forgetting to do their homework, these trivial things, is it worth crying and crying? It is this kind of thinking that makes children less and less reluctant to talk to adults.
A second-grade girl in Henan, two boys held her arms during recess, and another boy stuffed a piece of paper into her eye. The doctor took dozens of pieces of paper from the girl's eyes.
What did the principal say? "No malice," he said. If that's not malicious, then what is it?
A 7-year-old girl, controlled by 3 classmates, stuffed a piece of paper into her eyes, how much pain she will have, how scared, even if the eyes are not a big problem, will the psychology not leave a shadow?
The principal said there was no malice, the teacher said that the joke between the classmates was just a joke, if the parents said that it was no big deal, the child's belief would completely collapse, the harm I suffered was nothing, I could only endure.
In "Round Table Pie", Jiang Fangzhou said that the proportion of the adult world is not the same as the proportion of the child world. There is no red scarf deducting two points, and there will always be children crying because they do not wear red scarves. Adults think it's a big deal, but for children, it's a big deal.
Children's things, parents should stand in the child's point of view to experience, do not let the child's eyes of the big things, become our mouths of the temperament and calculation.
Only if the child is "temperamental" enough, he will know that his feelings are the most important, and he can love himself better.
04
The person who hurts the child the most is precisely the person who loves the child the most
Remember that teenager in Shanghai who jumped off a bridge? At about 10 p.m. on April 17, 2019, on the Lupu Bridge in Shanghai, a small white car suddenly stopped in the traffic with a double flash, and the woman in the driver's seat got out of the car, said something to the back seat, and then got on the bus.
A few seconds later, the boy in the back row suddenly ran out of the car and quickly jumped off the bridge, and the woman ran out of the way, but did not catch the boy, and the woman sat on the ground and cried bitterly.
Some netizens commented that today's children are too fragile and look for a living without a word. At first glance, it sounds very reasonable, the child is fragile, and it will be said by the mother to say a few words and can not be opened.
But don't forget, it's never the last straw that crushes the camel. There is a song called "The person I love the most, but the person who hurts me the most", for the child, the person who has the ability to hurt him the most is his most beloved parent.
Parents have high hopes for their children, and some parents will treat their children harshly, and even talk to their children in a cynical and insulting way to stimulate their children to work hard.
American counselor Susan Foward received a call from an audience member while hosting a radio show, who said:
"If I had to choose between being beaten and being scolded, I would have chosen to be beaten. Because after being beaten, the scars are visible, at least people will sympathize with you. But scolding drives people crazy, and you can't see any wounds. No one cares, and physical wounds heal much faster than insults. ”
Children can't beat or scold, so can they still manage it? Of course, the premise of managing and managing children is to have a good parent-child relationship.
In the eyes of the child, if the parent is trustworthy and loves him, even if the parent says that the child does not want to listen, the child will not have too much rebellion.
Without a good parent-child relationship as the basis, parents discipline the child, the child will not care if the parents are right or wrong, he will only rebel for the sake of rebellion.
Educate children, to control their own mouths, every word you say, the impact on children is huge. Don't let emotions control your brain and blurt out words that hurt your child.
In "The Original Family," author Susan Foward says that children don't know how to tell jokes from facts, make fun of them and threaten them.
When children hear negative evaluations, these evaluations will enter the subconscious, and the internalization of negative evaluations will damage the child's legitimate self-perception and will also have a negative impact on the way of survival and the value of achievement.
We all hope that children can grow up happily and happily, listen to their children's voices, and look at children's problems from the perspective of children, so that we can be on the same channel as our children and achieve good communication.
By doing this, you've beaten most of your parents.
Like + watch, may we all become true friends of children!