A netizen once asked: "What are the characteristics of girls who have been lacking love since childhood?" ”
A counselor replied: "Extremely contrasting personalities, the tendency to please others, always put others first, it is difficult to accept gifts from others, satisfied with emotional values, suffering from gains and losses, lack of self-confidence, emotional emotions, easy to satisfy." ”
The response garnered more than 2,000 likes, more than 400 comments, and many said they had been poked.
@The Power of the Moment: "Girls who lack love reflect thousands of unqualified parents, and it is difficult to have the courage and wisdom to manage happiness when they grow up." ”
@ Severe insomnia patients: "Lack of love, insecurity; inferiority, no friends; loneliness, scarred." ”
@A slum girl: "Sometimes inferiority and ego come together, hovering between two extremes. ”
@ Tea whispered: "I also lack love, so I am very resistant to others approaching me, I will be afraid, and I do not know how to love others." ”
@ Keep your heart: "Every one of them has been hit, dare not fall in love, dare not accept the kindness and help of others, and always deliberately keep a distance from people." ”
It is instinctive for parents to love their children, and it is wisdom to love how to love
I felt that it had a certain educational significance after reading it, so I sent the relevant screenshots to the group, and I did not expect to cause controversy among parents.
Some parents said: "Now when parents are tired and tired, it is to give their children a better life, which kind of food and clothing is not the best within the scope of parents' ability?" Where is there a lack of love? Children who lack love are all pretentious and do it themselves! ”
Some parents have a different view: "Love is not only material satisfaction, but also the care of the soul." If you ignore the child's mental health, no matter how much material, you can't raise a child with a sound personality. ”
Yes, love is the internal driving force for everyone to move forward, and if there is a lack of love, it will lose its direction and stagnate. Every child grows up with a high demand for parental care, companionship and response. A positive, optimistic, upward child, must be a child who does not lack love, and when he grows up, he can also be more confident and brave to meet the challenges of academics, career, love and other aspects. On the contrary, if the child's emotional needs are not met for a long time, it will form a lifetime of irreparable trauma, which will have a negative impact on future mental health, personality development, interpersonal communication, etc. Even if you do not worry about eating and wearing when you are a child, because you do not get enough psychological care, you will lack self-confidence, be afraid of doing things, and have no sense of security.
Many parents can't understand why in the end the child is still "unsatisfied" and falls into the swamp of lack of love?
In fact, there are no parents under the sky who do not love their children, and loving children is the instinct of every parent, but how to correctly express love and let children truly feel love requires a certain amount of wisdom.
What will happen to those children who are "loveless"?
I wonder if you have ever heard of the famous "Rhesus Monkey Experiment"?
In 1959, in order to verify whether "milk is a mother" or "love is a mother", the American psychologist Henry Harlow separated the newborn monkey from the mother monkey and lived for 165 days with two other "mother monkeys", a "wire mother" made of wire and a "cloth mother" made of cloth.
Both the wire mother and the cloth mother have bottles hanging from them, and the little monkeys can get milk from them. However, researchers found that the little monkey prefers the mother's milk of the cloth mother, usually spends more time with the cloth mother, and when encountering dangerous things, it does not hesitate to hide in the arms of the cloth mother. Later, the researchers took away the bottle hanging from the cloth mother, and the little monkey was still willing to hold the cloth mother and put his head far away on the wire mother to drink milk.
After repeated observations, Henry Harlow finally concluded that contact comfort may be more "attractive" to animal pups than breastfeeding. That is to say, love and intimate contact are as strong as the material needs of hunger and thirst, and sometimes even surpass hunger and thirst.
So, what will be the performance of children who lack love when they grow up? To be honest, some features can't be hidden.
1. Suffering from gain and loss
Want to have, but also afraid of losing, can not really trust and rely on others, lack of ability to love. Longing for others to be good to themselves, when others are good to themselves, and doubt that others are not sincere, subconsciously will think that no one really cares about themselves, that they must have other plans for their own goodness, that they are always full of doubts and hostility towards people, and that it is difficult to harvest true happiness and happiness.
2. Come and go alone
Social fear, do not like to communicate with people, always come and go alone, seem very unsociable. Because when you are a child, you do not get the attention and care of your parents, you often feel that you are ignored, and when you grow up, you will become a "transparent person", have no sense of security, think that you are dispensable, even unworthy of being loved, always feel invisible pressure when interacting with people, easy to be nervous, anxious, and over time, you will become timid, lonely, and have no normal social circle.
3. Low self-esteem and sensitivity
When I was a child, my parents rarely affirmed themselves, either criticizing or scolding, never being satisfied, always disgusted, and lacking recognition for a long time, they would plant the seeds of inferiority in their hearts, produce negative self-evaluation, feel that they were useless, and had no confidence in what they did. And it is very sensitive and fragile, others will be very concerned about a look and a tone, and repeatedly wonder in their hearts: Is it that they have done something wrong again? Is it annoying to yourself? Get used to self-denial and fall into the dark abyss step by step.
4. Habitual flattery
Children who lack love are very good at observing words and colors, because they also desire love, so when they are young, they will do everything they can to please their parents, be very well-behaved and sensible, obey their parents, never resist, so as to get the attention of their parents, and it is easy to form a flattering personality when they grow up, often taking other people's emotions and needs as the first, suppressing their true feelings, and dare not boldly express their inner thoughts. For other people's requests, even if they are not willing to do it, they will not refuse, but they will be the scalp, and afterwards they are very regretful and painful.
True love is the sense of security given by parents
Children who lack love will have a very difficult life. The inner lack brought about by childhood can create obstacles in their lives from time to time, causing a tragic price.
As a parent, who doesn't want their children to have a smooth road and a worry-free life? To make children not lack love, parents must first understand what true love is.
Love is high-quality companionship. Parents' concern for their children is not limited to eating and drinking And academic performance, but also learns to accept the child's good and bad emotions, listen carefully to the child's inner voice, respect the child's thoughts, spend more time with the child, and enhance mutual understanding.
Love is an unwavering affirmation. In the face of children's mistakes and deficiencies, do not be angry and corrupt, and feel that they have not met their inner expectations and blame and scold children. Each child has their own personality characteristics and development characteristics, parents should take the initiative to explore the child's shining point, praise the child from the heart, when the child encounters difficulties and setbacks, first comfort and encourage them, and then work with them to cope, find optimization and solutions.
Write at the end:
Parents do not say "for the good of the child", but ignore the child's inner needs, regardless of the actual requirements, limit the child, often picky, deny the child, this is not the real love, will only turn love into harm, let the child's heart become barren, throughout his life is longing for love, looking for love.
I hope that every parent can learn how to love. I also hope that every child can be watered with love and grow up healthy and happy!