A sign of a qualified teacher and parent: discover the child's strengths and tell him what the line is.
Flags for unqualified teachers and parents: Discover your child's shortcomings and tell him what's not going on.
——Zheng Yuanjie
Lazy, hungry, sharp, poor grades, stupid brains, low emotional intelligence, careless, sloppy, unplanned, spending money, making friends without thinking...
These are words commonly used by parents to describe their children.
These words are written into words, which look shocking, but usually parents blurt out without thinking when they express them verbally.
To describe your own children with these words, is it really a child who is too bad?
Other flowers are more fragrant than their own
Human shortcomings are like black spots on a blank piece of paper, and the more attention is paid, the more obvious it is, especially in family education.
Parents are always in contact with their own children, compared to other children, their children spend much longer together, natural children are exposed to more and more shortcomings in front of their parents.
Once parents only see the advantages of other children, and at the same time compare their own children, it is easy to magnify the shortcomings of their own children and forget more advantages that other children do not have.
Sometimes, parents may be angry, may be in a hurry, intentionally or unintentionally enlarge the shortcomings of their children in some aspects, and say negative words.
These negative labels not only affect the child's feelings, but also affect the child's behavior, and the child may really be imprisoned in this negative role;
Growing in the direction of these negative labels, such a vicious circle, repeating itself, is something that no parent wants to see.
Respect and love go hand in hand
Zhang Defen expressed this in "Meet the Unknown Self":
Some parents can indeed show the qualities of true love, but many parents regard their children as their property in the name of love, and let their children live for them, rather than respecting their children's own life course.
Parents grow up with their children, but they cannot accompany their children to grow old; parents raise their children's bodies, but also respect their children's souls.
Truly wise parents are often more willing to be the patron saints of their children than the masters.
Loving children is an instinct, and respecting children is a parenting.
Respecting the child's choice, accepting the child's shortcomings, and accommodating his shortcomings are the parents' appreciation and praise for the child, which is the act actively advocated by the visionary parents.
Treat children equally, give them a say, listen to their voices, and they will speak their true minds.
If adults do not respect children's ideas and ignore their voices, over time, they will not dare to tell the truth to their parents and do not like to communicate with their parents. This is not conducive to the correction of the child's shortcomings at all.
Raising children requires us as parents to have super patience and wait for children to slowly mature according to natural growth laws.
Many times, respecting the child's nature and instincts, accepting the child's shortcomings, and patiently waiting for the future is one of the most important support factors that parents can give to their children.
0-100 observation method
When parents have preset a perfect image for their children in their minds according to their subjective requirements and standards, this image is the so-called "100 points".
When parents have been staring at the shortcomings of the child, the child will not be changed, or even forever lower than expected, when we are highly demanding of the child, beyond the child's ability, we will only see the child's shortcomings.
When parents see their children as a blank piece of paper, any growth is to draw traces on this white paper, this psychological state that begins to extend from white paper is called "0 points", that is, a state of low expectations or even zero expectations.
In such a state of mind, the child's little growth will be seen in the eyes, and the satisfaction brought by teaching the child will always make the parents happy.
"100-0", when giving children a preset high expectation or perfect image, parents will only slowly change from 100 points to 0 points, the sense of expectation will gradually decrease, and the frustration will gradually increase;
However, "0-100" is to let children grow from low expectations or even zero expectations, and parents and children will get a sense of happiness and achievement.
Such a method also helps parents to discover their children's advantages and progress, create a good family education atmosphere, and is the best life booster for children.
Jenny Arim, author of Raising Daughters, said:
The shortcomings in the child are not terrible, the terrible thing is that the parents who are the leaders of the child's life lack the correct educational concept and education method.
Parents must learn educational knowledge, improve their vision of their children, put an end to unreasonable and inappropriate behavior and speech, and let the growth of children not because of parental education and difficult to do.
END