"From the birth of his son to the present, as soon as the father comes back, he will hold his son, not gently, but tightly hoop his son. My son cried when he was a child, and now he will cry for help and call for help. Maybe Dad's education is too offbeat to really understand. I used to tell him this problem every day, and now my son shouts for help, so I go and pull my son out, hey, I don't even want to talk about Dad. ”
That day, I saw the message sent by the mother in the writing group, the first time replied: "This is the way the father expresses love to the son, you should guide the son to learn to communicate with the father, you can tell the son, the father loves you, but the father's way makes you uncomfortable, how should you communicate with the father?" ”
"Yes, we all know that he loves his son, that the problem is not the right way, and that he often asks his son to be 100% obedient to him! Say 'the father's commandments are not to be broken'. There was communication, but the father could not listen at all, he wanted the son to completely obey him, but the son was not comfortable with him, although I also told the father that I could let the son take the initiative to hold him, but he was going to tighten the son hard. He may feel that he needs to tighten his son, and he feels comfortable! ”
Seeing her reply, I sent her two parent-child interactions in the public account:
(a) The father of the son general Yijun
Some time ago, when Xiaolong took a leave of absence because of a cold, and when he was almost as good as he was, his father said to him, "You can make eight pages of 53 exercise books a day!" ”
My son happily agreed, but he started humming when he did his homework!
That day, my son finished the most difficult Chinese homework in the morning, and played all the time in the afternoon, playing until dark to do math and English!
Dad couldn't look at it anymore and said in passing, "What's so hard about you doing this homework, I can finish it in half an hour!" ”
The son immediately seized the opportunity and said, "You can do it in half an hour yourself!" You hurry up and copy it, you make it for me to see! ”
Dad regretted it after saying it, but he couldn't regret it, so he could only put it on his scalp, and while copying his homework, he said to me: "You are good at doing language homework, you can do it!" ”
I replied, "I don't do it, you are responsible for what you say!" ”
Dad had no choice but to sit there honestly doing his homework, and his son took out a timer to count time for dad!
As a result, Dad did it for more than twenty minutes before he was half finished, Dad had to concede defeat, and his son won.
From that day on, dads stopped talking big and didn't ask for their sons! The son turned defeat into victory.
(2) Writing homework, the father and son who fly and the dog jump become the father and son
In the past, fathers always asked their children to do homework, dictate new words, and fathers and sons often jumped!
After my father worked hard for half a semester, after I gave birth to the second treasure and the confinement, he righteously said to me: "Only you can manage your son, in the future, you will still manage him, help him write homework!" ”
I always feel that no matter what is the best discipline, Dad still can't help but look at it from time to time, and from time to time to have a contest!
Some time ago, after being put into the army, Dad began to change his strategy, and during this time, near the final exam, Dad said: "You see for yourself which words you can't write!" See for yourself how to write well? If you think it's okay, just ask Dad to randomly check it! ”
Therefore, the son consciously went to review the new words, consciously wrote on the blackboard, and the father mopped the floor to take a bath!
Perform their duties, after the son is ready, he will call his father to come to spot check, and when he is done, he will randomly check! Suddenly, the Father was merciful and filial to the Son.
Let the father educate the child, although many of the initial practices are not accustomed to you, but he also has a growth process! Reluctant to let the child not set the wolf, bravely let go, leave the opportunity for the father to grow up with the child!
After a while, I received a reply from her: "I have read these two life insights, Xiaolong Dad is willing to communicate with his children, and he is also willing to give in and reach a consensus." My father said that his son should obey him completely, and that his father's orders could not be violated as in ancient times. The only good thing is that he never hits his son, that is, he says it out loud, that is, he comes back to tighten his son, and he really can't understand this bad habit of his. ”
"You only saw that Xiaolong's father was willing to communicate with his son, but you didn't see how his son tried to find a way to oppose his father." Do you think dads are really going to hurt their sons? I asked further.
She replied affirmatively, "It certainly won't hurt, but the child is there crying." ”
"Between men and men is conquest and counter-conquest."
As soon as I uttered this sentence, she replied, "I really haven't thought about this question, it makes sense, one wants to conquer, one wants to resist." ”
"Yes, men always have to deal with men, so why not let the father become the target of the son's practice?"
The mother is the protector of the child, when she conceives the child, the desire to protect has been born, in the daily behavior, careful, afraid of hurting the child; the mother is a gentle angel, when the child comes to the mother's arms, the mother's eyes are full of tenderness; the mother is the embodiment of love, with her own full of love to closely surround the child, nourish the child's heart...
Dad is also the patron saint of the child, but the child never lives in his belly; the father is sometimes very gentle, but his wolf nature is easy to change, the nature is difficult to move; the father also loves the child, but the mother loves like water, and the father loves like a mountain!
This is why fathers raising children are born different from mothers, different genders, different body and brain structures, different psychology, different growth experiences from childhood and different living environments, these differences determine the different parenting methods of parents and mothers!
However, many of our parents stand in their own positions and judge right and wrong by their own standards, and mothers who raise children gently can't see fathers crying!
In fact, dads have the instinct and way of raising children, especially raising sons, dads know more about the nature and psychology of sons than mothers, mothers are not easy to read sons, and they can't understand the way dad raises children, always accuse dads, and hope to put dad's parenting methods! As a result, the more Mom changed Her father, the more She went her own way, and even became a hand-thrower when she was unhappy!
In fact, the way fathers and mothers raise children is different, which just gives children a diversified education!
Therefore, when we mothers raise children, although we can't fully understand dad's parenting style, we can respect dad and seek common ground while reserving differences! So how to achieve common ground while reserving differences?
Believe that dad loves kids
When the mother believes that the father loves the child, she can accept the different parenting methods of the father, even if the father's parenting style is really wrong, the mother can tolerate and give the father the opportunity to correct, rather than blame!
Discover the differences between parents and seek common ground while reserving differences
When we truly understand the difference between parenting by dads and moms, we can be honest about the differences in dad's parenting styles, so as to respect dad's parenting style!
See the benefits of different parenting styles
Parents have different parenting methods, which can bring children diversified education, lead children to see problems from different angles, avoid children from forming solidified thinking, and make children live happier!
Raising children is a practice for parents, and mothers give them back the opportunity for fathers and sons to grow together, which can not only make them grow up the same, but also make it easy for them to raise children!