Children are never smooth sailing in the whole learning career, and it is inevitable that they will encounter various difficulties and challenges.
In the face of difficulties and challenges, some children can maintain an optimistic attitude, actively think about solutions, and finally turn disadvantages into advantages, children with this ability have a high reverse quotient; and some children want to escape every time they encounter difficulties, dare not cope with and challenge, and finally become stagnant, which is actually the performance of children's low reverse quotient.
Reverse quotient and emotional intelligence, IQ, etc. are indispensable in the process of children's growth.
01 Create a sense of security, accomplishment and pleasure for your child
From the perspective of children's physical and mental development, children are only willing to continue to do something when they feel good. The accumulation of this good feeling will form a memory deep in the brain, and this memory will provide a subconscious judgment for the child to choose to move forward or backward when he encounters similar things in the future.
In order for children to be able to get good feelings from learning, we must strive to create the following three feelings for children when they learn anything:
1. Feel safe
Only when children do not need to worry about survival can they pursue self-development. The attitude of parents to give their children support and help will make children gain enough security, and this psychological security will give children more courage and confidence to resist setbacks.
2. Pleasure
When children encounter setbacks, they are psychologically very eager to be accepted or even empathized by their parents, and the most resistant thing is the parents' preaching and accusations, and the children will regard the parents' preaching and accusations as negating their emotional reactions.
At this time, the correct approach is to accept and accompany the child, not to prevent the child's emotional reaction and expression, but to allow the child to vent and adjust his emotions.
In the eyes of children, this kind of acceptance and companionship of parents is their solid backing, and they naturally have the courage to face all difficulties and setbacks. In the long run, the child's contrarian quotient will become higher and higher, and the more calmly they will be able to face setbacks.
3. Sense of accomplishment
The reason why many children are particularly afraid of failure is often related to the "pushing and shoving" of parents, such as after the child does something wrong, the parents cannot control their emotions and reprimand the child, which will aggravate the child's frustration and fear of failure.
Once a child is afraid of failure, he will stop when facing difficulties and challenges, and even want to give up.
A sense of accomplishment can quickly eliminate a child's frustration. Therefore, when our children encounter setbacks and failures, we can change our own concept of education, give children full trust and encouragement, and help them regain a sense of accomplishment.
For example, we can send a signal to the child: it doesn't matter if you fail, as long as you try to persevere.
02 Use the ABC theory of psychology to cultivate children's super high inverse quotient
I believe that there are many parents who want to know how to cultivate their children's super high inverse quotient. Psychologists Albert Ellis and Alan Baker once proposed the "ABC Theory of Psychology", which helps us to cultivate children's super high inverse quotient.
A – represents bad things, which can be any negative event;
B - represents the idea, that is, the view and interpretation of the unfortunate event;
C - Represents the consequence, that is, the feelings and behaviors after the unpleasant event.
In the subconscious of many people, they will think that as long as they encounter bad things A, they will naturally have unpleasant consequences C. But in Albert Ellis's view, the final result is not necessarily C, but rather B, that is, people's perception of an event triggers a certain consequence. Let's take an example to illustrate:
For example, when a child's grades are not satisfactory, looking at the problem from a different perspective will lead to very different results. If the child sees all the negative information, then the child must feel that he is a rotten wood that cannot be carved, then "surrendering" and giving up learning is a high probability thing; but if the child looks at the problem with a positive attitude, he will think that the failure of this exam is to expose the knowledge points that he will not have, and then he will concentrate "firepower" to deal with the weak knowledge and strive for the ideal score the next test.
Now let's use ABC theory to analyze it briefly.
A – Represents the bad thing: failing the exam;
B - Representative idea: 1. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't catch up with other students; 2. It turned out that I had so many knowledge points that I had not yet mastered, fortunately, this exam allowed me to find deficiencies.
C - Representing the consequences: 1. I want to give up studying and "surrender"; 2. I want to concentrate my "firepower" to deal with weak knowledge and strive for the next test to achieve the desired results.
We can see from this that A is a fact, and only B really affects C, that is, what kind of attitude and opinion people have to interpret A.
Optimistic people can give a positive interpretation with a positive attitude after bad things such as setbacks occur, and get a different C by changing B to achieve the purpose of promoting children's growth.
epilogue
Every child will encounter various difficulties and setbacks in the learning process, in this case, children with high reverse quotient are often positive in their mentality, and naturally have greater psychological advantages to easily cope with various difficulties and setbacks and achieve their learning goals.