Yang Dai wrote at the beginning of the TV series "Siege": The main connotation of "Siege of the City" is that the people who are surrounded in the city want to escape, and the people outside the city want to rush in. This is true of marriage, career, and life.
"The people in the city want to escape, and the people outside the city want to rush in", this phrase is often used to represent the state of marriage, revealing a dilemma of marriage. Although this sentence does not only refer to marriage, because married life is the experience of most people, the experience is profound, and the feeling of this sentence is quite deep, so the frequency of use is very high.
Carefully read the book "Siege of the City", and found that this book writes about the relationship between husband and wife in marriage and the life of chicken feathers in a place, which is very realistic and very real. Written in 1946, although the book is about couples getting along more than seventy years ago, it is the same as the problems that have arisen between modern couples, and the contradictions and conflicts are almost the same.
Qian Zhongshu provided a model for marriage more than seventy years ago, and gave a typical example in "The Siege of the City", through the couple's living conditions before and after marriage, all the difficulties that can be encountered in married life, from feelings to psychology to the family factors of both parties, are considered one by one, and these problems are developed one by one through contradictions and conflicts.
The real reason for the quarrel between husband and wife was clearly explained by Qian Zhongshu more than 70 years ago
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="7" > is as good as when in love, and reveals his true face after marriage</h1>
Although Fang Hongwei did not have talent before marriage, he was also a scholar with a polite and somewhat high quality. And Sun Roujia is a gentle and quiet, introverted and handsome girl.
After such two people get married, they have changed greatly, Sun Roujia speaks harshly, loves jealousy, and likes to play cold violence. And Fang Hong gradually narrow-minded, loves face, and after being stimulated, he started to beat people.
When in love, it is good to show the true face after marriage, and the marriage of modern people still has this problem, although men and women in modern society have known for a long enough time and the two sides have been in contact for enough time, but there are still huge differences before and after marriage. So much so that the famous saying "marriage is the graveyard of love" has been derived.
Because regardless of men and women, there are changes in roles before and after marriage. New roles bring new responsibilities and obligations, and thus new demands, and if both parties fail to adapt to the new roles, or if the preparation is insufficient, contradictions arise.
People in different environments will definitely behave differently, so change is definitely there. If this change can be seen as normal and the contradictions and problems that arise can be dealt with in a timely manner, the marriage will not be brought into a desperate situation.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="9" > men who are unable to earn money, it is difficult to protect family status</h1>
Fang Hong gradually did not have real talent and practical learning, although he studied abroad, but did not put his energy into studying during the study period, he had a lot of interests but did not have a skill, wasted money and money for a few years, and spent money to buy a degree certificate before returning to China.
After returning to China, he did not find a job and went to work under his former father-in-law. Later, he was recommended by his friend Zhao Xinlin to work at Sanlu University. Because he did not have a degree certificate, he could only be an associate professor, and he was dismissed from the school because he did not have teaching standards and other things.
After marriage, Fang Hongzhi still relied on Zhao Xinlin's recommendation to find a job, but for some reasons impulsively resigned, resulting in unemployment. And Sun Roujia's aunt has the ability to arrange for her niece to work in her own unit, and the salary is very high. Economically, Sun Roujia is independent and bears half of the cost of supporting her family, so she has the confidence to speak, and complains about Fang Hongzhi's low income and lack of earning power.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="11" > the way women express their dissatisfaction is not to let men understand</h1>
Sun Roujia had something in mind, never said it directly, and always wanted Fang Hongzhi to guess or perceive it himself. Once again, she was unwell, and in the evening Fang Hong gradually socialized, meeting and partying with Zhao Xinlin. She didn't want Fang Hong to gradually participate, because she had an opinion about Zhao Xinlin, and because her body was uncomfortable, she wanted Fang Hong to accompany her. But she did not say it directly, but let Fang Hong gradually participate, and at the same time hoped that Fang Hongzhi would consciously come back early.
And Fang Hong gradually thought that she was very generous and there was no major problem with her body, so she went to the party. But he thought of her in his heart, and when he returned, he was full of regret and wanted to greet her when he got home, but Sun Roujia took a bad attitude and complained, and he lost his temper, thinking that Fang Hong gradually did not care about her, and she was very uncomfortable alone. Let Fang Hongzhi's guilt disappear, replaced by irritation and resentment.
It was supposed to be a simple thing, because the wife's non-communication caused a conflict to explode.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="13" > men value their faces more than life</h1>
Although Fang Hongwei did not have the ability to make money, he was still very tall and looked down on Sun Roujia's powerful aunt. The aunt looked down on him and was angry, angry at her wife for talking to her aunt about his incompetence behind her back, and resolutely refused to accept the work arranged by her aunt, even if she was penniless.
Men look very important to their own face. Smart women will maintain their face and offer help that doesn't hurt their self-esteem when they're having trouble. However, Sun Roujia exposed Fang Hong's shortcomings in front of her aunt, making him feel that his self-esteem was hurt, originally Sun Roujia found a job for him, but such an approach turned her kindness into the fuse of another war.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="15" > reveal their shortcomings, and the relationship between husband and wife accelerates its disintegration</h1>
Fang Hongwei and Sun Roujia have worked together, both of them have the experience of being ridiculed by students, this unwilling professional experience, when the two have a conflict, they are taken out as a sharp weapon to hurt each other, although they meet the pain of a momentary anger, but it causes a devastating blow to the relationship between husband and wife.
After watching "Siege", perhaps many people can find their own shadow in the character, which can play a warning role. I will think: don't be like them, endlessly arguing for the families of both sides, so that the marriage has changed its taste.
From the perspective of how husband and wife should get along and harmoniously look at this book, we will see you and me in marriage life, see everyone's performance in it, stand on a bystander's point of view to see the quarrels and contradictions of other couples, combined with their own marriage, they can stay sober, so as not to make such mistakes in their own married life.
Especially unmarried people, if you can see the truth of marriage from this book, do a good job of personal thinking and psychological preparation for marriage, you can walk into marriage without fear, and marriage will not disappoint you.
From the perspective of married life, this book has a certain mental preparation for all the problems that may be encountered after marriage, and after entering marriage, the number of disappointments will be reduced, and there will be no desire to escape.
Marvel at the accuracy of the author's description, the profundity of the analysis of the problem, if it were not for the deep understanding of the commonality of human nature, grasp the key to the problem, it would never have been written such a legendary work.