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As early as the end of the Qing Dynasty, people have begun to explore the mysteries of the relationship between people and groups. Whether it was Liang Qichao, Tan Sitong or later Cai Yuanpei, Chen Duxiu, and Li Dazhao, they began the wave of China's "Enlightenment" through their understanding of Western thought and their own thinking.
During this time, the famous thinker and translator Yan Fu translated the Theory of Heaven (i.e., Huxley Thomas Henry Huxley's Evolution and Ethics) and The Rhetoric of Group Studies (also known as Herbert Spencer's Sociological Studies by Herbert Spencer).
This influence was extraordinary, especially for China, which was still influenced by Confucian culture and closed for a long time.
Today, people will find that in society, the higher the level of those people, the more sober their understanding of human nature will often be, not because they have any ability to be different from ordinary people, but because they think more clearly in some aspects related to human nature.
For example, there are four rules related to human nature that "iron cannot move", and people who master these 4 iron laws of human nature are quite intelligent, and these 4 iron laws can help you understand everything.
1. Mutual respect is the most basic principle of interaction
All people live in groups, and there can be no completely isolated people in society. Then dealing with the rhythm of each other's lives according to the principles and organizational relationships between different groups is an important ability.
But apart from the different principles, is there a "general rule" in the process of our getting along? If anything, then this principle must be mutual respect.
As early as ancient China, people were actually familiar with this principle. As the first Confucian Mencius said: "He who loves others and people always love them; those who respect others, people always respect them." In fact, it reflects a kind of ideological core of mutual respect and mutual tolerance in the process of human interaction.
In modern psychology, the concept of respect is often about the tolerance and identification with the habits, personalities, and behaviors of others.
For those who are at a higher level, they will not have any negative views on others because they think differently from themselves and are not accustomed to them, but will maintain an inclusive and respectful mentality and get along with others.
So "gentlemen are harmonious and different" is like this.
When you are in society, please remember that your own ability cannot be affirmed by looking down on others, on the contrary, only by recognizing others can you better understand their ideas.
Of course, this tolerance and recognition is within the reasonable scope of others, not unconditional inclusion.
2. If you want to "mix well", you can only rely on yourself
When people get along with people in society, they often rely on various kinds of capital.
As the French sociologist Pierre Bourdieu put it, people's position in organizations and groups and their status depends on the social capital they possess.
These capitals may not only be wealth, but more likely to exist in the form of cultural capital, symbolic capital, etc., thus "adding bricks and tiles" to their social status.
Many people will wonder: how can they meet some more capable and socially advanced people, some people think hard, thinking that maybe delving into interpersonal relationships can solve such a crux, but in fact, if you want to make yourself more "presence" in society, the only way is to rely on yourself.
Finding ways to enhance their social value and increase their social capital is the only way. You can improve your education, you can grow your wealth, you can also pursue the happiness you want, all of which are actually ways to make you more valuable.
3. Reduce resentment and concentrate on running yourself
Life is certainly full of hardships, and some people say that "there is no word 'easy' in the adult world." It is also true that almost every individual, especially an adult, does his best to work for a better life in society.
It is true that there are differences between the personalities of different individuals, some people have an optimistic personality and can maintain a positive life in the hard life, and some people are born with a love of hardship, no matter how tired life is, they still grit their teeth and move forward.
Others prefer to complain, often spreading "negative energy" on some occasions... All of these personality traits are understandable, after all, all sentient beings are different.
But for those high-level people, they are often less complaining, not because they have a smooth sailing in life, no worries, but because even if they often hang on to them, it is meaningless, and they cannot solve their current difficulties, only by closing their mouths and concentrating on facing life can they solve difficulties.
There are bittersweet and bittersweet in life, and it is not necessary to carry everything without saying a word, and you can find a suitable object to talk to at the right time to dissipate the bitterness in your heart; but most of the time these negative energies do not work, and often can only increase the pain in vain. After you've overcome your negativity, pack your bags and move on again.
4. Face up to the interests
As the saying goes, "All the hustle and bustle in the world is profitable, and all the hustle and bustle in the world is profitable." This sentence speaks of a key factor that is inevitable in social interaction between people - interests.
Many people believe that only the relationship of "gentleman's friendship is as light as water" that does not involve interests is what should really be pursued, but it is not.
For adults, if even the interests of these people in the process of interacting with people cannot be handled well, it means that their understanding of society is not thorough enough.
For the interests in exchanges, we should naturally not blindly pursue and lose our hearts; nor should we "throw rats and rats", and when we mention interests, we become overwhelmed.
Imagine if the interaction between two people is only emotional or some difficult to visualize relationship to maintain, then such a relationship is actually difficult to last.
It is inevitable that there will be "indebted" behaviors when the two get along, such as China's "indebtedness", "selling face", etc. If even these behaviors cannot be had, all exchanges must be clear, then sooner or later the relationship between the two people will be "tasted" because of this.
In addition to social relations such as blood relatives, people who want to interact with them do not have to avoid the existence of interests, whether it is economic interests or the interests of human relations, these interests are on the one hand a kind of interference, on the other hand, they are actually a close-knit driving force.
In summary, there are some "one-size-fits-all" principles in people's social life. When you have doubts about some questions, think about it.
- The End -
Author | Tommy
Edit | Rain
The First Psychological Writing Group | A group of young people who like to look up at the stars
参考资料：Bruk, A., Scholl, S. G., & Bless, H. (2018). Beautiful mess effect: Self–other differences in evaluation of showing vulnerability. Journal of personality and social psychology, 115(2), 192-205