Death Diary 9: Is it all purely my fault, or are we not suitable at all?

Author Shu Sheng

At the end of November, playing basketball hit the bridge of the nose again, and the nasal septum was severely distorted; on December 3rd, I went to the municipal medical school alone to do nose bridge correction surgery.

I thought it wouldn't hurt when I did the surgery after local anesthesia, but I was completely wrong. During the operation, the doctor inserted his finger into my nostrils and then pulled hard, the left side pulled the right side, and the blood flowed out like a fountain. I thought that the pain of hemorrhoid surgery had "reached its peak", but compared with this, it was nothing. Knowing that was the case, I never had the courage to come to the surgery. But it was too late to regret it.

After the operation, I stayed in the hospital for observation for more than three hours. It was torture every minute. The nostrils had been oozing blood, and the doctors felt a little serious. I had headaches, dizziness, and a very unusual feeling of suffocation. I'm not sitting, I'm not standing, I'm not sleeping. The worst part is the difficulty of breathing, having to breathe with your mouth open, and the sputum is full of bruises. I really experienced a feeling of not wanting to die.

Call the silly girl and she answers. I said I missed her and she wasn't angry. When she learned that I had surgery alone, she said, "Didn't your family accompany you?" ...... So is your family,...... But I'm at work... You do it yourself..." She softened her tone, as if ready to come and see me.

Later, after she left work, she learned that I had returned home, so she decided not to come to see me.

The two days after the surgery were probably the hardest two days of my life. At that time, time will be infinitely stretched, and the peace of mind will be destroyed by the sudden feeling of suffocation at any time, and no matter what you do, you can't get rid of the feeling of suffocation of being extremely lonely.

Even so, the fool didn't come to see me, how sad I was. I have a feeling that dumb eating yellow even has a feeling of bitterness. I hate her for being so cruel. I had no idea that one day she would be so cruel. Even if I were "scum", I wouldn't be so cruel. The fortune teller was right, I shouldn't be with her. She was a cruel person, a cold-hearted person, an unreasonable person...

Since then, until now, I have not written "Diary of a Wounded Death". Sometimes I hated her to the bone, gritted my teeth in anger, and wanted to shoot her through my heart. I'm at fault, but not so much at me, right? No matter how much I've gone too far in the past, I've never abandoned her, all I've ever wanted to be together. No matter how much quarrel, no matter how dissatisfied, I did not reduce my love for her. And she actually said to go away, completely treating me as an unkind and unjust party...

If you don't come back after the nose bridge surgery, it's even more unlikely that you'll come back later. She is now single-mindedly breaking ties with me and not giving me any chance to break the mirror and make a comeback.

After the operation, I secretly swore again and again that I would not contact her again, but after ten days and a half I began to fantasize that she could change her mind, so I contacted her again, and the dead face begged her to come back. She relentlessly refused. I have been repeatedly rejected, and as much as I love her, I hate her deeply. During this time, I changed the phone number of the home network from hers to my own, and she thought that the number package was too expensive, so she deactivated it, and I could no longer contact her through the mobile phone number.

Later she deleted my WeChat ID, I added again, she deleted again... The most recent deletion was two days ago. She said she was home, and when I said I went to her house, she got angry and deleted me. If it weren't for the tens of thousands of dollars owed to her, she wouldn't have given me any chance to contact her.

Now I really don't know if all this is purely my fault or if we are not suitable at all.