Death Diary 10: "Which time was not yelled at by you like a grandson"

Author Shu Sheng

Since the fool moved out, she didn't want to talk to me more than about paying back the money. Whether it's sending her WeChat or texting, she rarely responds, about ten of which I send and one of which she replies.

She hated me so much, and probably the most annoying thing was that I yelled at her too fiercely.

A while ago I repeatedly asked her through WeChat why she hated me, and she replied with a message:

"Which time was not yelled at by you like a grandson, especially in Beijing, it was hard to rest for a day, and when you came back to see me lying on the bed, you scolded me with your head covered."

I thought that the days of "yelling" at her had long been inappropriate, but I didn't expect that she was now more and more unforgiving to me. It's all my fault.

When she worked at Samantha Lisa, she usually went to work at 8:30 in the morning and 23:00 in the evening, taking three days off a month, and often being suddenly called to a meeting during the holidays. Samantha Lisa is a devilish beauty salon where the company promotes a culture of gratitude while squeezing employees' time to the maximum. Of course, compared with ordinary beauty salons in Beijing, its income will indeed be a little higher. Silly girl just entered The Man Lisa, the guaranteed monthly income is 4500, after three months of regularization there are 6000 ~ 7000, half a year later there are 7000 ~ 8000, less than a year, the monthly salary of the silly girl can be tens of thousands. Before in other companies, the maximum monthly income of a fool was only 6,000, so for the fool who wanted to make money, even if she would be fined for not completing her performance, even if the time was squeezed to the maximum, even if she was tired of this extremely tiring job countless times, she still did not quit.

Sometimes, she didn't leave work until one or two o'clock in the morning. On winter nights in Beijing, the cold wind is biting, the bustling metropolis vehicles are also few, and the fool is still waiting for the bus to return. There was no direct access, so she sat on the west side of the Fangzhuang Bridge and let me ride a shared bicycle to pick her up. I asked her to take a taxi back, but she didn't want me to pick her up, because she thought that the taxi would cost more than ten yuan. So I had to ride a Mobike bike to pick it up. She stood on two bars in the middle of the wheels at the back of the bike, her hand in my collar to keep from freezing too much to stand. In this scene, the people who see it always look at us with surprised eyes. I often feel embarrassed, and silly girls feel embarrassed, but she doesn't mind saving some money. What touched me the most about the silly girl was her thrift.

I took her home on a Mobike bike and often felt incredibly happy. She was dressed in overalls, she looked thin and very affectionate, and I wanted to put her in my arms as soon as I saw her. I want to be like her, she has long been frozen, and she is very resistant to freezing, even if it is a cold day in Beijing, she can wear only a pair of jeans. Many times I was amazed at how strong her body was.

However, it seems that as soon as I got home, I became unkind. When I saw her come back, I felt liberated, that I could be completely immersed in my own world, and that I didn't have to worry about eating and drinking at home, and it was for this reason that I yelled at her again and again.

I went to a nine-to-five shift and came home to cook mostly. If I cook something that a fool likes, she will come back to eat it, and the company will eat it; if she doesn't like it, she will try to eat it in the company, and when she comes back, it will mean the most. But sometimes even if I have time, I don't want to do it. I counted on her to come back early from work to cook. But when it comes to cooking, the fool is very bad. I am notoriously unable to cook among my relatives, and as long as my mother or sister is present, it will not be my turn to cook, and the most I can do is cook. But silly girls cook a lot worse than I do. So to ask her to cook, it was very difficult for her. But I always forced her, and I didn't make any less unpleasant trouble for this. She didn't do it well, and I just said things like "it's too bad" and "this is not good, that's not good", which would anger her: "You will do it so you come?" I'm at this level why do I have to do it? ”

"Can't you learn it?"

"Can't learn! Don't ask me to cook in the future, you do it. "These are still minor issues.

I can still understand that once she goes to work, I feel that it is natural for her to cook, and when she is not at work, she only wants to lie in bed and sleep or play with her mobile phone, and I don't want to cook, so I was furious and yelled at her again and again.

Once when she was resting, I went to work to "tell" her to start cooking after five o'clock in the afternoon; lest she forget, I reminded her three times in the afternoon. I reminded her again when I got off work. I came home and found her still lying on the bed, and I thought she was so disobedient that I couldn't help yelling:

"Is it so hard to make you a meal?" Lying in bed as soon as you get home, you're going to lie in bed for the rest of your life? If the house is sloppy, it can't be sorted out? I didn't tell you again and again that housework requires you to worry more about it, and I don't have anything else to force you, right? It's okay to go to work, but when I get home, I procrastinate,...... Now get up and do it immediately, hate your sloppy style the most, get up immediately to do, immediately, must do..."

She was also furious and confronted: "Am I your babysitter?" You tell me to do it and I do it? I won't do it tonight. Did you care about me when I came to Great Aunt? You don't look in the mirror and see who you are? ......”

"How can you take care of your home like this?" I didn't force you to do anything at work, did I? Can't I do more during breaks? You've been with me for so many years, how much money have I forced you to make? All I want is for you to do more housework. You know I'm not good at and don't have the heart to do these things in life. Big things, what worries you..."

"The money you earn every month is handed over to you, what else?" How much money did you make so hard? Don't you call on me, I don't owe you anything, you're not qualified? After saying that she retracted into the quilt, and then we went into Cold War mode, and we would not reconcile all night.

She is angry, you comfort her, apologize, she will only feel that you are hypocritical and unsympathetic. When she is relieved, she can return to normal.

If all goes well, I don't think anyone wants to yell. When we yell and shout, we must feel that we should be yelling. When I yelled at the stupid girl, I felt that I had to yell. After a day off, what happened to your housework? When I went to work, I promised to be fine, how to come back or the same? If I only say it once, you can say that I didn't pay attention to it, but I stressed it again and again, and finally I didn't move, so why not make people angry? ...... It was this kind of thinking that made me feel that it was a matter of course to yell at her.

But I gave her a roar, not only to no avail, but also to catch her own body. After each roar, I get dizzy. I was immersed in despair and sometimes longed to slap her twice. But I never dared (and couldn't bear to) slap her, because I knew it would only drive her crazy; and if I did, it would be a breakup. So my yelling at the stupid girl is basically a loud inward voice and bluff.

Now that I think about it, I don't care enough about her. She rarely scolded me for doing anything wrong, but I often yelled at her repeatedly for trivial matters in my life. Her stomach hurts on the day she comes to her aunt, and she sometimes takes time off because of it, and if she insists on going to work, she doesn't want to do anything when she comes back, and I often ask her to do this and that. I don't work as long as she does, and I don't work as hard as she does, so I should take care of the house more, but I'm not competent enough a lot of the time. Sometimes I would come home from work and play ball without cooking, and I would rely on her to come back after ten o'clock in the evening to do it.

Even if she wasn't a master of the family, I did it worse. In this way, she not only did not blame me, but also made me speak harshly to each other, scolding like a grandson, naturally it was difficult to calm down, and it was difficult to dissipate anger.

When I was in Beijing, I attached great importance to drinking water, seeing it as something second only to eating. Through popular health knowledge, I know that the first cup of water after getting up early in the morning and the last half an hour before going to bed are particularly important for human health, so I often force silly girls to drink, especially at night, I often bring hot water to her and force her to drink most of the cup. Silly girl will smile and giggle when she is happy, take a cup of water, drink two small sips and hand it to me or put it on the window sill above the bed, I persuade her again, she said that the company has drunk a lot, and I am angry that she always says that the company has drunk a lot, but when she comes home, she hardly sees her drinking. In my opinion, she was clearly lying, that is, she refused to drink the water she should drink, and I have yelled at her many times for this. I thought to myself, how can I cope with me and perfunctory me if I am bent on being good for you?

Maybe the root of the problem is that even on the same thing, our ideas are very different. What I thought was important was not worth mentioning to her; what she thought was important, I felt meaningless. In such a different direction, it is very difficult to communicate. But the biggest problem is not these differences and obstacles, but the lack of serious management of the feeling.

We have been together for a long time, and we often feel that all the efforts of the other party are taken for granted, and we forget that a mature love is not what it should be. Two people are together because of love, not to follow legal rights and obligations. Moreover, all contradictory feelings must also be a problem with one party's obligation to love. Also, we feel that how we give, the other party should reciprocate, but many times the problem is "I think" and "I feel".

Roaring is actually a harsh rebuke, and it is a harsh rebuke full of verbal violence. I regret treating stupid girls like this. If it weren't for my yelling over and over again, she wouldn't have been so disappointed in me. I realized that roaring is an energy drain that consumes oneself and others. After the fool left, she told me that she was too tired to get along with me, and I was not. Again and again, but things have not changed in essence from the beginning to the present. We wanted to yell at each other to be what we wanted, but in the end neither of us changed anyone and we exhausted ourselves.

When one partner feels that it is too tiring to get along with the other, the relationship changes its flavor; when both parties feel that it is too tiring to get along with the other, a relationship comes to an end.

Back in Zunyi, especially after moving into the new house, I spent a short happy time with the fool and frequently roared at me because of a little trifle. At that time we all longed to change each other, but everyone was self-righteous and self-righteous. Later, we felt tired after a fight, and finally she began to want to move out, and finally she decided to move out, and I thought it was just ordinary noise...